guy dumps girl but still see"s her after breakup

[mini696]

Because the girls let them...

[Rosebud]

How interesting, RB. In my circle, "dating" implies casual involvement, which may or may not involve sex and might include more than one person with duties distributed between them (e.g., one for romance; another for sex). "Are dating" implies a more exclusive involvement with one person, although by no means implies anything lasting. And "seeing each other" implies a monogamous involvement that might well turn into a lasting relationship. So, before a guy in my crowd decides on what kind of move to make on a woman, if any, he has to determine whether a she is dating, whether she and another guy are dating, or whether she and someone else are seeing each other. Vice-versa is also true.

HAHA, ok, well yea if you wanna get that technical. LOL

[whaywardj]

Ignore the labels, Chelsee. They're only there for propriety's sake. Go with your gut and your heart, whatever your brain may be telling you.

And that's a VERY good point, Mini.

[independent]

Okay, well I might ought to jump into this a bit, since I happen to be one who has just recently broke it off with a guy... and am still "seeing him" (I think I used the right term? LOL).

Why?

We still love each other. It didnt work out (because he was a complete ass) however there are many things that are "routine" after two years that are just easy to do with him. For example, he called last night to see if I wanted to go get dinner. I said "sure".

Why? Because I was hungry. (Why not?)

So we're sitting there. And if I think about it too hard, I could get mad just looking at him. But I dont. I enjoy my salad. And conversation was slim, yeah. Thought running through my head while I chewed: "If you wanted to have sex, you didnt really have to take me to dinner first". So I ask him:

So why did you ask me to dinner?

His answer: I was hungry. Didnt really want to eat alone.

Well enough, I replied.

And we ate, mostly in content silence after that.


I dont really mind eating alone. And I dont really mind eating with him. I would probably really ENJOY eating with someone I could talk to and laugh with (but just about everything out of his mouth makes me mad or sad anymore).

The other night I called him at 11pm. I didnt really have much to say. He took the cue and arrived within minutes. He started some small talk, and I asked if he would mind to just be quiet. So he did, and he held me. Mind you, he really really screwed up with me and I am angry with him for ruining what could have been a good relationship. Very angry. I told him "I'm sorry I called - I'm not into playing games, and I dont want to mess with your head". He said "Its okay, for all the times I screwed up with you... I owe you this". Enough said.

So later I am thinking to myself of the time when I was a teen, and I was waiting for a date. Waiting. Waiting. Supposed to be there at 7pm. When 10 o'clock rolls around and I am STILL waiting by the door, my father says to me: "Boys who want to see you after 10pm arent boys you should be going out with".

He was right, of course. My date showed up at close to 11 that night. And I jumped up and went. (I was in love with this guy! LOL)

So... now I find myself being that girl that calls after 10 o'clock. And I realize why. And I also realize why my father said that (which I didnt understand at 16).

The relationship is going nowhere (it cant, because he lied to me). What I am doing now is sort of the opposite of "courting". More like "weaning". I dont know. I do know that this cant go on forever. And it wont. But right now it isnt hurting anything, really. Just two adults - one being selective about what she even wants to do in his company, the other respecting that and taking what he can get.


So when exes are still seeing each other, it's one of two things: they are weaning off of each other (comfort factor)... or they are trying to get back together. Both parties should be clear about what it is.

[chelsee]

my gut tells me he still cares about me. but doesn't want to commit to a serious relationship.

[independent]

My gut tells me I still care about him, but definitely dont want to commit (considering all that has happened between us).

You have to decide if that is okay with you. If it's not, break it off altogether. Or tell him you want more, and let him break it off if he doesnt.

[misombra]

dump him.
________

[whaywardj]

Hm. Guess it depends on how someone cares to spend their time: Going after what they know they want, or settling for what they think they can get.

[chelsee]

i have tried to date other guys, it just didn"t feel comfortable. it's hard to get use to someone new when I have been with someone else for so long .

[Illusional]

i try to keep in touch with most of my exes.. well the ones that i get along with anyways.

raverboy

[independent]

i have tried to date other guys, it just didn"t feel comfortable. it's hard to get use to someone new when I have been with someone else for so long .

I can relate to that.

The solution is: dont date for awhile. It'll pass.

Just hang out with friends!

[carpflounder]

I have dated my ex gfs just for sex....no complaints from me.