I don't know how to Feel.

[whaywardj]

Mishanya brings up good points, RB. But the issues you may be dealing with aren't what's capturing my attention. How you're trying to deal with them is. I get a feeling you're trying to encompass too much in your mind at one time and would wish for you to back off a little bit on things to consider and find resolution on ONE thing before moving onto the next thing. The issues are going to be there until they're not there whether you do anything about them or not. You don't need to try to solve every glitch at one fell swoop. One can't, as a matter of fact. Just leads to "brain stump."

And, incidentally, the next step after indentifying your foremost priority is NOT to go on and identify your second-most priority. It's to check on the status of your first. Always bring your thinking back to your present here-and-now to do a little reality check. And, to yourself. Instead of saying to yourself something like, "It (fill in the blank) me when he does (or doesn't) (fill in the next blank)," say, instead, "I feel (blank) when he (blank)." Then ask yourself why you feel that way. Once you have that, say to him, "I feel (blank) when you (blank) because (blank)."

With that, you have the basis for both of you to work on finding a resolution to that ONE perceived issue which, as others have noted, will usually involve compromise and/or negotiation. Don't move onto another issue until the deal on the first is agreed to and closed.

[Rosebud]

I see what your saying. I have to say sometimes I get caught up in my own mumble jumble and lose track of what's really at hand. What I was doing yesterday was tryingt o write down all the things I wanted work on and also put down priorities just to balance my brain, not for anything else. I wanted to get thoughts out so I could clear my head and then look back and start from a clear slate if you will.

And I do present to him differntly than how I express myself sometimes on here but I will make a conscious effort to remember that as I am talking to him as well. To be perfectly honest I think I made this whole thing a lot more difficult than it really is looking back on it now.

[whaywardj]

Just select the thing that's mostly on your mind right now and deal with that until it's done. The rest will still be there for you to work on later.

[independent]

A good job is a good thing (coming from a woman who has dated men who dont work LOL). Is the job a major factor or problem, or not? If it's new, you might both be adjusting (which can be stressful). If it's temporary, it's not worth putting tons of energy into. And you have to ask yourself: If it werent too many hours, would it be too little pay? Which could cause it's own stress in the relationship...

[Rosebud]

See to me this job is not really a problem. I mean I would like to have him home more for all of us but, it's not a major disaster. I was just bugged a little that the whole time he would be hunting instead of coming home a little earlier to have one day for all of us to be together.

I think the main thing I want to work on with him right now is communication and expressing how we feel and what we need from each other..to establish ground.

[whaywardj]

...To be perfectly honest I think I made this whole thing a lot more difficult than it really is looking back on it now.

DUH-AH! Hehe. Don't we ALL?! That's why I suggested a reality check into the here-and-now every now and again...just to make sure we're not letting our imaginations run away with our common sense in tow...like a damsel in distress in the hands of marauding hordes intent on pillage and rape.

[Rosebud]

I need to have these "brain dumps" more often so this doesn't happen to me everytime I get worked up over something. It would make things a lot more clear... and a little less aggravating as well. LOL

[Mish]

See to me this job is not really a problem. I mean I would like to have him home more for all of us but, it's not a major disaster. I was just bugged a little that the whole time he would be hunting instead of coming home a little earlier to have one day for all of us to be together.

I think the main thing I want to work on with him right now is communication and expressing how we feel and what we need from each other..to establish ground.

Once again, the priority remark was just for you to keep your eye on the goal, I didn't say you weren't doing your job as I have no clue about what job is being done. I'm sorry if I upset you. Kiss and make up?

I think the job is part of an issue of why he chose to go to that hunting trip over spending time with his family. He works 7 days a week so first ooportuntiy off work he gets he tries to flee and get away from it all. Which is why I think it would be healthier if he was in a more relaxed environment. If he only just started working then I can see how it would be hard to negotiate at this stage and maybe the bullet needs to be bitten for a few couple of months. Maybe he should become a member of the union so a union representative can negotiate better working conditions on his behalf? Maybe he should continue looking for work after working hours?

I don't know, just suggestions on how to get your man to spend more time with your family, which is the issue that's upseting you...

[Rosebud]

No honey, that's not the issue I'm concerned about. As this has just recenly changed from us, it's mor of an issue to him rather than myself. He looks forward to hunting every year and I know that, I just wanted to have him home earlier and it wasn't looking as though that was going to happen. I have since, talked to him about it and he will be home a night earlier. I know what your saying though and not that's he's not looking for a new job trust me he is, and as am I for him as well. The union is actually coming in next week to vote but he is management and it will not involve him. The workers are the ones eligable, not management.. At this place anyways.. So we'll see

I'm just finding that there's other things I'm working on right now, that I feel really good about. But thank you Mishanya!

[Rosebud]

When my bf left this last job, the managers were very upset that he was leaving but couldn't give him the money he wanted. Well another guy a little ealier than him and went to work for Delphi! Today my bf got a call from this guy that left and said one of the big wigs called him and offered him a job as plant manager down in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. All expense paid! Which we new was going to happen, because this company has been trying to get this guy and my bf to come back. Well this big wig also wants my bf to relocate down to this plant as well as shop Forman, making more money and all expenses paid.

Now granted this hasen't been completely offered to him yet as it will a couple weeks to get all kinds of things in place including the contracts, but I'm a little nervous here.

My whole family lives here, and not that I'm scared to move but they will miss my daughter growing up. I just hope they pay him enough so we can fly back from time to time to visit! If this does happen. And of course as of right now nothing is in writing!! I swear, if it's not one thing it's something else!!!!!

[independent]

Why, then you'd just be about 5 or 6 hours from me!

[Rosebud]

Where do u live again??

[Tone]

Would he have weekends off?

[independent]

Where do u live again??

Tennessee

_________

[Rosebud]

Would he have weekends off?

If they do work 7 days it's only for a short time frame like one or two weeks and then they go back to the 5 day or 6 day schedule.

Tennessee isn't too far, I was just down there a couple months back for a funeral.

Yea, Ok I just made him mad now. grrrr. He called me to tell me he has been talking to his boss about days off, but it looks like he's the only one that lobbying for it. But anyhow, I told him it was going to be hard on him coming home from work, driving all the way up north,a dn then driving all the way home ina couple days, going to sleep and going in to work the next day. He agreed and said he's going to try and leave early Monday night. I asked him if he was coming home Thursday and he said yea probably, I got kinda quiet and responded oh. Then I said well it would be nice tro spend for all of us to spend som time together while you have a couple days off. He replied with" I knew you were going to say that" and I said well it's true and he agreed and then got short with me and kinda pissy and told me he had to go back into the shop. When he does that, it means he's irritated with what I said and what's to avoid everything. ugh, here we go again.. well my daughter is some of my family today, and now I'm down a little bit so I'm probably going to take a hot bath and relax since that's the mood I'm in now.