I don't know how to Feel.

[Rosebud]

Ok sorry to bore you all with my problems again.. But I seriously don't know how to feel about this! I think I just need to vent about this.

As most of you know, my man works 7 days a week. He get's 2 vacation days that pro-rated for him. He asked his boss a week ago if he could take those days for hunting season (he goes with a bunch of his buddies). EHw as approved for the weekend after opening day, ok no problem. I know how bad he wants to go and it would help him with the stress he has about his schedule. Now there's apossibility he may have Sunday off if the other shifts pull their weight. well he just called to tell me that his boss told him not to take his vacation time and to just see if someone will cover for him whihc hiss boss would do. So his boss told him he can have opening day (Tuesday) through Thursday off.

I know he really wants to go and he's all excited about it. But what bother's me is I have tried talking to him the past couple days and we agreed we needed time together either at home or to go away somewhere to spend quality time with each other. But we can't because he doesn't get the time. He jokingly ( I hope) said the other day hunting comes before everything else and when I sidi what? he said I knew you were going to respond to that.... grrr, yea I would damnit!! He orginally was going to come home wed night to spend Thrusday with me, but now he will only do that if he get's a deer. If not he won't be home till Thursday night. I feel bad for feeling hurt by this becasue I know it's important to him but god damnit so am I...

Am I wrong in feeling this way? Am I being too greedy? I just dont' know how to feel about this. Well thanks for listening guys! I needed to write that down so i didn't hold it over anybody's head including my own!!

[shh!]

Remind me again - is he the father of your daughter? Because if he is, it seems to me that considering the amount of time he is away for work, time with her ought to be the priority over all else, especially hunting.

[Rosebud]

Yes he is. He spends time with her in the morning before he goes to work but that's about it.

[whaywardj]

Uh...I hear alarms going off. Let's see: You've expressed your discontent and concerns to him over the last weeks, and when has a chance to take responsibility for contributing to them or their solutions, he goes hunting with buddies, leaving you to take care of your child AND your discontent all alone?

Is it just me, or is there something very off about this picture? Like: He's Just Not Into You (anymore)? Or his kid, either, evidently. Oh! But YOU'RE taking care of the kid. He doesn't HAVE to be there!

It sucks, Rosebud. Draw the line right about here. Otherwise, you may later find yourself chasing after somone who's walking away, one small step at a time, quietly, so you'd never notice he was leaving until he was already gone.

[independent]

Hey Rose,

I havent had a chance yet to catch up on the other two threads, so I'm checking in late. I assume there wasnt anything specific that started all of this... just sort of happened over time?

Anyway, I imagine he is as stressed as you over it - especially stressed over YOU being stressed over it. Men are "fixers" so if there is a problem they cant fix easily, they tend to withdraw or get defensive (in my experience).

Hunting is actually probably GOOD for him - will give him time to truly unwind and put some thought into some things. Or at least unwind

I would venture to guess that it's not worth competing with the opening of hunting season. For your own sanity, take a deep breath (and a long hot bath, and a whole box of chocolates) and do your best to just let it go. Not the issue itself, just the 2 day thing.

He'll expect you to be crabby when he does come home. Surprise him by being relaxed, bathed, shaved and happy (whatever that takes - good novels, movie marathons, drinks with the girls - whatever).


... And this is advice from a woman who cant keep a good man around, and cant get rid of the bad ones (LOL) Regardless, I hope this all works out for you.

[independent]

Oh... Haywards message was drastically different than mine. Hmm.

Hayward, are you suggesting she give him an ultimatum, perhaps?

[whaywardj]

... And this is advice from a woman who cant keep a good man around, and cant get rid of the bad ones (LOL)

HEY! I'M still around.

::which is he...good or bad...which?...which!?::

[whaywardj]

And, no. Not an ultimatum. Just a clear, unrevocable message that some shit's happening you, Rosebud, want explanations for. Ones that make sense to you and that you can understand. So far, I see him avoiding any responsibility for how you feel AND avoiding discussing anything with you. Meanwhile, assuming YOUR place is to take care of his daughter while he goes out and plays with the boys. **** that.

[shh!]

Sorry Rosebud, but I think I have said before that I wasn't sure this is the man for you. Now you see why. I think you need a man who is a bit more mature and grounded, a family man, rather than a self indulgent boy. How would he like it if you were to up and take off for a couple of days without his consent, leaving him responsible for the little girl, at a time when he was feeling vulnerable? Sorry, sweetie. Maybe he has something I can't see, but based on what I read about him, I'd kick him to the curb if he didn't straighten up.

[Rosebud]

Uh...I hear alarms going off. Let's see: You've expressed your discontent and concerns to him over the last weeks, and when has a chance to take responsibility for contributing to them or their solutions, he goes hunting with buddies, leaving you to take care of your child AND your discontent all alone?

Is it just me, or is there something very off about this picture? Like: He's Just Not Into You (anymore)? Or his kid, either, evidently. Oh! But YOU'RE taking care of the kid. He doesn't HAVE to be there!

It sucks, Rosebud. Draw the line right about here. Otherwise, you may later find yourself chasing after somone who's walking away, one small step at a time, quietly, so you'd never notice he was leaving until he was already gone.

See this is what I was fearing! As I mentioned to you before we haven't fully extended all the things on my mind so he's not aware of all of them just as of yet. But in his defense this is something that he enjoys and only comes once a year. Not to mention I have gone out more than him when in the past he's had chances to but would rather stay home with our daughter. he does care about her a lot. But I still think if he was getting time off and he had two options as he does now and he still went hunting I would be a little hurt that we (his family) was not chosen first.

I have a ton of mixed up feelings. And to behonest I know I'm not going to stop him from going but do you really think this is leading him to leave me?

[whaywardj]

This thread has just made me angry. I LOATH guys who are so ****ing full of their own cum they can't see when a woman is trying her best to please them. Much less appreciate her. PISSES me off to no ****ing end.

[independent]

I'm not feeling the same as Hayward on the hunting deal. If I were you, Rose - I'd be hurt over it too. But I'd also understand it for what it was. You do both "have your thing" so to speak. (You have your friends, and your outings too, I assume?)

Is he good to you? I mean other than dodging the boredom issue? I have to guess he has no clue what to do with that or how to fix it... Although I agree with what I read in another thread (I think a post by Tone?) that it IS on him to handle this.

[independent]

This thread has just made me angry. I LOATH guys who are so ****ing full of their own cum they can't see when a woman is trying her best to please them. Much less appreciate her. PISSES me off to no ****ing end.

Well, now, and that makes sense. I admit I havent caught up on the other threads, so I am missing a lot...

[Rosebud]

Sorry Rosebud, but I think I have said before that I wasn't sure this is the man for you. Now you see why. I think you need a man who is a bit more mature and grounded, a family man, rather than a self indulgent boy. How would he like it if you were to up and take off for a couple of days without his consent, leaving him responsible for the little girl, at a time when he was feeling vulnerable? Sorry, sweetie. Maybe he has something I can't see, but based on what I read about him, I'd kick him to the curb if he didn't straighten up.

Don't apologize I appreciate your advice! Deep down inside I think I know all this. I mean after we had said we were going to set a date I was excited.. and then I was scared as hell. To be honest I think he needs a wake up call. I think he eneds to know what it's like to not have our daughter and myself around for him tor ealize what's going on. But I'm so scared of losing him. I've never been dependant on a guy before in my life and this is a first for me and it sucks, I have always been indepedent and took care of things myself. I don't want to admit that it may be for the bst that we split but then part of me says we have been through so much that there has to be something we can do to fix these problems. I know I'm not a bad person and I know that I give people respect but all my life I have been disrespected. By family, friends, and lovers. And I do not want that anymore. Oh guys I think I'm a wreck!!

[independent]

Gosh darn it, I hurt for you.

I know all too well how all of this feels (very fresh wounds on this end)