I am Lost

[ONE]

I woke up this morning, wondering what have I acomplished during my last four years. The answer is, NOT MUCH.

I don't have many friends.
In fact, I have zero friends.
The one friend I do have, is my roomate.
I don't go out.
I'm shy.
I'm lonely.
I feel alone.
I have no real direction.
I have little interests.
I have no real communication skills.
I am not fun to be around.
I can't carry a conversation.

I feel as if I've been indoors for too long. Is it possible for my brain capacity to decrease, or loose some kind of edge?

I remember when I use to be vibrant, full of energy, liked to meet people. Those days seem long gone. I want that youth feeling back. I want to be able to go to parties like I use to.

I don't even know a single girl that I could call my friend.

I show no interest in other people.
I am very quiet, and avoid conversations - even though it's what I want.

This morning, I am paying the price of living a certain way for such a long time.

I am truly ALONE. I am LOST. I don't know what to do, or where to go.

I've dug a hole, and it's so deep, that I can't see the light anymore.

I need to PICK MYSELF UP - but how? What should I do?

This morning, as I brushed my teeth, I looked in the mirror and started to cry. A grown man starting to cry! I felt so hopeless, and lost, as if this was destiny. I am the cause of my own troubles.










I don't know what I expect from people here. Probably nothing at all. This is just a last resort kind of thing. Just to put myself out there, and entertain myself with the company of other peoples post and responses.

I know what is next...posts that tell me to go out more. Go to the library, meet some people, meet people at work, be open, don't worry what other people think, and so on. I'm kind of tired of this, but what should I do?

I'm not on the edge, so don't panic, but I'm close to it. I feel as if my life has lost it's meaning - (AGAIN, DON'T WORRY - I'M NOT SUICIDAL, lol)

When I say lost it's meaning - I mean that I have no real purpose. I just am. I affect nobodies life.

I don't mean anything to anybody, and nobody means anything to me.

I want to change this.

[Late_vamp]

is this the first time this has happened to you ?

[ONE]

i've never felt like this before. i've always felt confident to be reserved. but now i feel that i made a mistake in my choices.

my past is coming back to haunt me.

i feel i've lost so much of my life.

from being 18 - 22 has so far been a waste (especially from 20 - 22)

even in High School, I was low key.

but all this didn't bother me until now. i mean - WHAT NEXT?

what do i do?

WHAT DO I DO?

[Justplaying5050]

hey ONE, uhm just curious because i was EXACTLY like you until i quit computer games because i was like a major addict so i guess what im asking is do u have any anti social/time-eating habbits?

[Justplaying5050]

cause like i have very very bad conversational skills ... so i to am confident but like shy/quiet

[Late_vamp]

also , are you done with school ? did you finish college or university ? i woulnt be worried , your just 22 ... if you would be 30 then i would see that this is more serious ... do you have a Girlfriend or youv never had one?

[ONE]

this may sound strange - i am anti social

BUT: I don't want to be anti social!

I want to be vibrant, charismatic, and make a difference in peoples lives.

I feel my past has cursed me. For the past two years, I have immersed my self in academics. And I have ALL the book smarts.

But I havn't gone out.

Yes, I am anti-social, because I don't feel comfortable around other people.

But I WANT to feel comfortable around people, and make friends, and be vibrant around them!

[ONE]

also , are you done with school ? did you finish college or university ? i woulnt be worried , your just 22 ... if you would be 30 then i would see that this is more serious ... do you have a Girlfriend or youv never had one?

i've never had a girlfriend.

i've never even had a friend who is a girl.

i've finished school, and now i think i'll apply to grad schools.

[Justplaying5050]

dude i can totally relate, unfortunately im still quite anti social, im comfortable around one person ... my girlfriend everyone else i dont talk to really and just kinda observe, i often feel distant and when confronted in any situation i like tense up and dont talk ... what you should do is go somewhere with LOTS and LOTS of people that way no matter how hard you are almost forced into a social situation which i think is the best medicine for this, its been working ok for me so far im getting better

[Late_vamp]

what do you think is the oldest question on earth ? >>> whats the purpose of us , of each of our lives , we basically have no real goal unless you make yourself one or you choose religion .

like i was born , no real point in life , but i made one , to have a succesfull life and to have a good family in the future , find a good wife ( i believe i found her , but that can change cuz you never know) and a good career/job .

also in religion , life is only a big test , the real thing begins with death , then you will be judged if you lived a good life .

if you start to wonder about this too much , all that will happen is kinda like a vicious circle of depression , just set yourself a goal and try to make it , no matter how hard it is , life is full of obstacles (obstacles = tests in life)

[Justplaying5050]

yeah whats your religion, i dont have a religion btu thats just me, religions i hear are good lol

[Late_vamp]

i understand how you fell completely , i believe everybody feels like this at least once in their life .

you want to be social . ok then let that be one of your goals , just do it . go and find youself friends ... it sounds easier than done , but i remeber your post before about us suggesting things , i believe you already know the answers , all our missing is motivation , to have enthusiasm . just believe in yourself and push your limits , you will see how much you will accomplish , and never give up , the only thing that can stop you is yourself and your actions .

[Justplaying5050]

if you need motivation do it for love ... do it for friends ... when you have love and when you have friends there is nothing in the world that feels better

[Late_vamp]

if you need motivation do it for love ... do it for friends ... when you have love and when you have friends there is nothing in the world that feels better

very true , but also do it for yourself and your future

your future is written by your actions done in the present . so unless you start moving it aint going nowhere . just take your time to think things out first .

[independent]

I was touched by your post, One. I have a book I'd like to share with you. If you PM me I can give you a link to download it. It's one you can just read on your computer, or print it out if you like. It's an old classic, but you being the academic type I feel you'll enjoy it as much as I have.

Of course the offer is open - if anyone else wants the book. Not being stingy (smile).

It made a difference in my life.