trying to move forward.

[whaywardj]

I don't believe Circle has one of those, Rosebud. You know? Like "box"; as in female genitalia?

[Rosebud]

I knew what you were talking about.. but my box has a lock on it!

[whaywardj]

If not yours, then whose!? Can't have an anonymous box drifting around the forum. FAR too distracting. I mean, imagine it: There you are, composing your next post in your mind, and this unaffiliated box drifts in over your monitor and says, "Hi! I'm the Cheshire Pussy," then blinks out of existence. And there you are, trying to remember what the hell it was you were about to say. Just won't do.

[whaywardj]

I see your point. Was caught in the moment.

Got away from the computer for a bit and let things sink in. It dawned on me that I may have even been using her affection for me to excuse myself from really loving me. hmmm, yeah i can see how this tendency is a problem and impossible to overcome.

You might do well for yourself to read some Alan Watts. Particularly, "This Is It." (Random House; 1962) ([url]http://www.alanwatts.com/library3.html[/url])

[indigosoul]

Any titles in particular, W?

CircleC, i've been following the thread, but haven't really found anything to add to Ws comments. I will say that I've also been where you are, but more on the females side, and I can tell you that Haywards telling you like it is. But you already knew all this I suspect... you just need to decide to flip that "mental switch" from discomfort to acceptance. Its all you can do for now.

[whaywardj]

Yeah, Indi. What I said in the post: "This Is It." "East Meets West" was also nice in an academic sort of way. But anything by Watts is engaging, although, taken together, somewhat repetitive and, in some cases, dated in tone.

Actually, two of my all-time favorite books are "A Natural History of the Senses" by Diane Ackerman (which I think YOU'D especially enjoy), and "The Mists of Avalon" by Mary Zimmerman Bradley.

[CircleC]

I love boxes, haha.

Today at work, I followed advice I got last night. I thought of something I really liked about her. She always does whats she's gotta do. Makes her mind up, doesn't dwell or analyze, and she just does what she does. I have a hard time doing that. So I just told myself to do what I gotta do today. Thinking "prize later". I had to reaffirm a few times, but I ended up staying very focused on work. I made alot of progress with my work. It was a busy day. I run a (corporate owned) store, so of course, there are always a million things to keep up with. At 10am, when you-know-who showed up, it was a good thing that I was so locked in to a positive approach. I was surprised. I expected her to call in the afternoon to talk about coming back to work. But she was there. We talked for a few minutes, nothing but work chat, and she decided to come back and work part time. I thanked her and that was it. It took a few minutes to get my mind back on track after she left, but wasn't anything obstructive.

At first, when I thought about this approach I thought it was impossible. I was thinking too specifically. But you gotta keep it simple. It was a very general (and accurate) compliment of her that led to me find a way to personify that quality in myself. So it allowed me to think of good feelings for her, and for myself, while advancing my productivity at work. I like when simple things bring complex rewards.

So now here I am thinking about how I love her breasts, staring at my chest, wondering why nothing's happening.

[CircleC]

You might do well for yourself to read some Alan Watts. Particularly, "This Is It." (Random House; 1962)

I need to get back over to the store for a little bit, and the library is on the way home. I love to read, don't do it enough. I'm on it.

[CircleC]

But you already knew all this I suspect... you just need to decide to flip that "mental switch" from discomfort to acceptance

Of course i knew, I know everything. Can't you tell by reading my posts???

Have you ever woke up in the middle of the night, stumbled all over the room looking for the light, and bumped into everything you own? That's what its like for me to find that "mental switch". Guess I'll just get there all bruised up, but it'll heal. right?

[Rosebud]

Right. And very good analogy may I add.

[whaywardj]

...So now here I am thinking about how I love her breasts, staring at my chest, wondering why nothing's happening.

LMAO! Now THAT's funny!

[whaywardj]

Right. And very good analogy may I add.

Yeah. I've been noticing that about Circle, Rosebud. This guy's in possession of a very facile mind and an ease of expression. Qualities I think any woman would find quite appealing, if not fascinating. (And, since only "pretty people" ever get promoted to positions of responsibility at places of employment, he's probably pretty good-looking, too.)

Speaking of "fascinate," everybody know the etymology of that word? It's fascinating.

[CircleC]

Speaking of "fascinate," everybody know the etymology of that word? It's fascinating.

now that's fascinating.hehe.

I appreciate the description. I'll conceed to its accuracy and enjoy the big head for a moment. But I'm not forgetting what comes after appealing to a woman. That is my trust issues, indecision, lack of patience, fear of commitment, and hesitancy towards true intimacy. All stemming from what seems to be a lack of self acceptance.

[whaywardj]

Like I said. Facile mind.

[CircleC]

Like I said. Facile mind.

Might seem facile. But it sure as hell feels like it requires alot of effort to operate.