Friend>Best Friend> Not friend @ All- Long love story? Or Not?

[shylittleguy]

Well, I'm new here and I'd like to give it a try.

I'm a foreign student south asia and went to a private boarding high school 5 years ago as a Junior, and I met this European girl (let's call her Susan) and we had become very best friend (Best guy friend to be clear); meanwhile there's another Asian girl (and she'd be Amy) who tried to be friend with me and I just never liked her.

I and Susan were best friend of each other, we were so close that we knew we liked each other (I knew I loved her and she said she loved me). But because of the school situation we couldn't date. But somehow Amy ended hanging out with me a lot (in a way I hate Amy because we just cannot communicate without me getting offended and I think she's very narrow minded, she would always say i was crazy if i don't agree with her) Every time i talk with Amy i would have to 'lose' as if we were arguing. But since I and Amy hung out a lot I presume that Susan saw us and got jealous.

One thing stregthened my love toward Susan is that once the school provided us with personality test, I and Susan got an Exact same type, which opposite Amy's.

Graduation came, I and Susan remained best friends and Amy kept being annoying to me and made me sick. I made a promise that I would go to the same college with Susan, in fact, I applied and I WAS so sure that I would be with Susan. But during the summer, I ended up having the same job with Amy and of course Susan found out. Tis when problems started. Some incidents happened to me and I got really really really upset and depressed, and Amy was there, so we started a relationship, I guess it's because she wanted to console me. We basically were couple but NOT in a sense that a normal could would do; she was like an older sister whom I kissed and fooled around with.

Summer ended, I ended up leaving the college Susan went and arrived to a university hundreds miles away, of course Amy went to another school far away from both Susan and me. As college started for all of us, I knew I only loved Susan but somehow I still called Amy as well, as if I was addicted to Amy. I talked with Amy a lot more even over night because Amy doesn't mind, and Susan tended to be a more self-control person.

One day I suddenly picked up my mind, i told myself that I had to tell Susan that I love her, to show her that I really do. I stutter for 10 minutes over the phone than I said it. We hunged up soon after coz she had to go. After that, We didn't talk over the phone for 6 months but we kept chatting over MSN and emailing each other, just to tell each other what's going on and stuff... But during this six month, I started having a Huge financial problem that I couldn't afford my school any more. So Amy gave me the idea to go to her school coz her school is so much cheaper so I did (I had to, otherwise I would have to go back to my country without a college degree)

I started going to Amy's school, I and Amy started "dating" in a sense that we held hands and kissed (With me Knowing that I DO NOT like her- I was such JERK). We broke up several times and got back together, I knew something was wrong because We were addicted to each other...and I had to pick up my mind again to tell Susan that I loved her but I didn't know how to face Susan since I was with Amy, and again, I and Amy couldn't break up. So I sent Susan a gift that worth like 200 dollars. Susan refused by sending me a check for the gift, so she didn't have to send it back to me, in other words to save both of our faces. Amy found out, so I had to asked for the camera back with shame.

I was so stressed out that I started writing love letters to Susan, repeatedly, for like 5 times. I believe that's what scared the hell outta Susan. She officially wrote me an email saying that she and I were Impossible, along with the gift I sent her. That's when we stop talking to each other. Amy and I had many big fights since then but we still are "couple" since we didn't want to be "isolated" from our friends @ this school.

One summer, i went back to the the highschool and we had a reunion. Things were different, Susan and I could no longer talk.

Until today, I and Amy are still "dating" but we know we don't like each other, unlike regular couples; and I just found out that Susan is already dating another guy (John)

I kept praying the whole time that Susan would be happy because people told me that if I love that person, I would let her have the best; and I know that John is a great guy and Suan and John just match so much.

And I really dont know what to do. because I really love Susan but I can't be with her because I can't face her and she's scared of me... I believe I am messed up... I really do need advise. I'm graduating from college soon, I really want to know others opinions. Please feel free to tell me what do you guys think?

[giulia]

I think you have to dump Amy and stop messing her around. As for Susan, she is tired of waiting around for you, and to be honest you really aren't making things easy for her. I think leave Susan alone too, she needs to continue her life.

You will find someone else, but these two, as depressing as it is, are not going to work for you.

[Junsui]

"she was like an older sister whom I kissed and fooled around with"
lol that is a messed up sentence to me.
You really should get out of the relationship with Amy. There is no hope for you and Susan as I see it. Make new friends that have no ties to Amy and move on. If you feel you are messed up, then seek professional help. Since you're about to be out of college, you can get away from everything and start over again.

[shylittleguy]

thank you Junsui and Giulia...
It's completely doable about dumping Amy, but... my big problem is about Susan.
I understand that she now has no feelings for me... but I do want to be a good friend of hers and... I don't know how thus... i cannot confront her by any means...
She was a great friend to me when I was super down and I was a great help for her to bring her back to normal from being severe-upset... but those were at least 3 years ago... Should I even try to contact her? or do you think even a slight contact may scare her again? last time I emailed her was at least 2 years ago and... she never wrote me back, although I received an email saying that she read my birthday card...
What is your opinion about trying to be her friend again? or even that is impossible...?

[giulia]

I know it hurts, but I think you should leave her alone. If she isn't emailing you back,thanking you for the birthday card.etc then she obviously isn't ready yet. Leave her to sort her life out, and if she wants to contact you later then she will.I think you have done all you can.Let the ball be in her court

[shylittleguy]

I am trying my best to let Susan go... but there is one problem, it's about me.
I know her favorite music, or just things that can remind me about her are all around me... they just keep coming back to my mind and ... I'm having a real hard time forgetting about her... I have deleted her pictures from my PC already... and her music just brings me peace... how do I deal with it?

[Junsui]

Get out and get involved in other things. Get rid of her music if it keeps making you think about her. You will get over her eventually.

[gHEXjt]

Get out and get involved in other things. Get rid of her music if it keeps making you think about her. You will get over her eventually.

Junsui is right. Don't listen to her music anymore either. I haven't been able to listen to any of my ex's fav music cause it just makes me sad. For instance, just before we broke up she gave me a record of a group she'd been going to see that had just gotten a record deal. I was listening to it a lot, even after we broke up, cause it was really good. I later come to find she's getting slammed by the gtr player in the band! Took the CD, broke it in half, and threw it away.

[Junsui]

ewww...lol

[gHEXjt]

Yeah, I was pretty disgusted myself. Went on a little rage fit afterwards, broke a few things in my house. Felt better afterwards.

[Junsui]

Well that's good that you made yourself feel better

[shylittleguy]

Wow, you guys are certainly quick to respond my question, thank you again to Junsui and gHEXjt.
I surely will do what your honest suggestions. I guess I'll try to start working double shift and let's see how it works!

[Junsui]

Yeah, I have no life so I'm fast to respond.

[gHEXjt]

Wow, you guys are certainly quick to respond my question, thank you again to Junsui and gHEXjt.
I surely will do what your honest suggestions. I guess I'll try to start working double shift and let's see how it works!

Working double-shifts will actually help you move on. This summer after my break-up I started working a ton, so that all I did was work, go home eat, and be asleep 20 minutes later. It gave me little time to think about what had happened.