normal guy connecting with ****ed up girl

[moeburn]

[apologies for the lack of punctuation, my shift key is broken]

my gf doesnt really have a normal life, her family was abusive, criminal, crazy, and she had to sit through all of it. mine is relatively normal and less dramatic. my gf was telling me about how she was with her ex for so long because she could connect with him because his life is ****ed up too.

its like she's overstimulated and numb, but she doesnt want it any other way. she feels alienated like no one understands. she misses the comfort in being sad because shes always around people happier than her.

does anyone have any experience with this sort of thing, what should i do, how do i help her connect with me. she's not even very comfortable talking about all this because she wants me to be her happy fix, not someone to whine to.

i want to be there for her and help her, even if i dont have the same experiences as her. how do i help her connect with me

[justme1977]

I know what you are going through.

Send me a private message and I will give you a personal reply!

[Lloyd95]

[apologiesforlackofspaces,myspacebarisbroken]

Idoubtyouwillreallybeabletohelpher,asyoudidn'tgoth ruwhatsheisgoingthru.Therefore,justbetheretolisten ;also,shemayneedtoseeatherapist.Maybeyoucouldhelph erwiththat?

[singularity2006]

I'm in that exact situation.... minus the criminal. it's just for her family, they are financially ****ed up, sucking every penny they can out of their kids.

My advice to you is connect with her in any way you can, but most of all - show her a bright future for herself and show her how you can be that shining star of that future.

[Illusional]

well there are somethings that i can relate to you on. it's hard when you're being compared to her last relationships, but to be honest, whether you like it or not, people in general do it mentally. sometimes they don't mean to, while other times, they do it consciously. life sucks and that is what life is about, and unless you're willing to put up with all the bullsh*t, then there is no sense in crying over it. bottom line.

raverboy

[Mish]

Hi moeburn

Make her feel comfortable around you. Make her feel a sense of security, make her feel that you are someone who she can trust. Best way is always stay calm and collected. Offer advice and help where you can (Even if it's emotional support) and most importantly be fun to be around. Have a sense of humour, make her smile. Do this and it won't be long until she warms up to you

Having said the above, you may need to prepare yourself for some emotional baggage. This girl sounds like she has been in negative situations that you have never experienced. Be ready to work through this with her...

[SumGuyinFL]

one of my exs came from quite a diff background than I did, yet we really seemed to connect. It was great while it lasted, but I always kind of had this feeling that it wouldnt work out due to our huge differences in how we were raised et. One of the things she couldnt do for shlt was communicate - which is obviously a damn big prob.

cliff notes - I wish you the best, but stay realistic throughout.

[whaywardj]

All the foregoing posts are keenly apropos your situation, Moeburn, but I think Mishanya's post is the most germane. If you undertake this project, you really will need to coax her into a new perspective. It will take a lot of time. There will be a lot of ups and downs and reversals. And, probably most difficult, you will need to set any romantic agenda you may have for her completely aside for the duration of the exercise. I'd be asking myself why it was I was considering going through any of this, and how likely it is that an intended result would come of the effort.

[Tone]

Aren't there... two... shift keys?

[whaywardj]

LOL! That Tone. Ever the one to reach the core of a matter.

Actually, that is the case. (No pun intended.) This guy should shift his priorities using his other foot to kick himself in gear.

[lilwing89]

[apologies for the lack of punctuation, my shift key is broken]

most important line from post..


so anyways, you know there is 2 shift keys right? try using the other one buddy

[lilwing89]

even though my girlfriend is what most would call '****ed up', i would never say something like that about the one whom i love most on this earth. why dont you break up with her, being as you dont seem to have any respect for her in the first place?

[moeburn]

even though my girlfriend is what most would call '****ed up', i would never say something like that about the one whom i love most on this earth. why dont you break up with her, being as you dont seem to have any respect for her in the first place?

both shift keys are broken, since they both lead to the same trace which has corroded.

i do respect her, and i dont want to break up with her, because i love her.