phone(and sometimes face to face) issues

[lilwing89]

i admit it. me and my gf talk most on the internet. she seems to be a bit shy on the phone and in person. i however am not. i start all the convos and i keep running out of things to say. she says we need to talk more and i am the one doing all the talking! "i wanna tell you things about myself that i have never told anybody before" is one of the things included. whenever i talk about the new furniture im getting in my room she just goes "hmm" with a smile on her face. or most other things for that matter. every once and a while i will say something that makes her say more than 1 word. on the otherhand, the internet: we type paragraph size messages to eachother by the minute!

i think this is messed up and i am trying to solve the problem myself and i am having no luck(which is why i am posting this). today she called me. we talked for about 5-10 minutes total(of a decent conversation) i absorbed that today she was also sick; developing a cold and sore throat. that was her excuse for not talking to me. also noted she was playing a game when she called which could be a reason.i remember saying "hey maybe if you stopped playing that game, we could be having a conversation right now" and she said "no, its becaues i have a sore throat" so i sat there for 2 minutes and thought. and a second time she asked me what i was doing(estimated about 8 minutes after she had asked me the first time) i said "staring at the wall"...didnt say more. waited 5 minutes for her to say something. she said "what are you doing tommorrow?" and i said "nothing". didnt ask what she was doing tommorrow because i know she has a volleyball tournament. i just noticed i coulda asked her what she was doing before/after the tournament but i didnt. then i asked her what she wanted to talk about, and she said "whatever you wanna talk about" and you really wanna know why i asked that? because she NEVER starts any conversations. im starting most of the conversations, and they are 1 word away from 1-sided. i always heard rumors about girls being able to talk on the phone for hours nonstop. we used to, but we dont anymore. she doesnt talk as much..

i know you cant just whip out your crystal ball and tell me why she is doing that, like everyone else expects you to do here, but im asking for some advice.

we talk pretty often. on average about 6-7 times a week. its pretty hard to avoid talking to her. especially on the net because she unexpectedly signs on when im talking to my other friends. she asks me to call her and i do. or she calls me sometimes.
i try to hang out with her as much as i can because that is the best one of them all.

well im glad you read down to here and i hope that by the time you got down here you have some advice worth posting to help me!
thankyou
lilwing

[Debunkt]

I used to be way better at talkin on aim than any other way with my girl, and I hated using the phone. Bout a month later, I was a total ****in chatterbug on the phone. Maybe she'll change. Maybe she's just not an interesting person. Can't really blame some people for being boring. I say keep trying to talk to her, and if she continues to want to play a game more than talk to you... dump her.

[equivo]

Maybe she's just not an interesting person. Can't really blame some people for being boring.

I don't think this is true of anyone. I'm sure everyone has at least a few things that they could talk about for hours and are really passionate about.. they just need to find someone with similar interests.

Maybe you two don't have that much in common? I found that with one of my exes. We couldn't really talk about anything because whatever one of us brought up the other had no desire to discuss. Or maybe she's just shy or got something on her mind. Perhaps you could ask her why she's become less talkative over time? There could be a good reason for it.

[lilwing89]

no, we have a lot of things in common. like musical interest, videogames, we both write, and there is more. i just cant think of them off the top of my head. when i was on the phone with her last night, i played a song for her on guitar that is her favorite song that she cant play on guitar very well.

when i asked her what she though of it she said "its pretty good" she thinks im some kind of musical genius..

idk sometimes i feel like im asking too many open ended questions. i need to know some things i can say that will make her say a lot! what are some things to talk about that will make her do that?

[whaywardj]

Short of Chinese water torture, there are no such things. Hm. As I recall, Lilwing, this issue has been eating at you a while. What do you think is really going on with her that she doesn't volunteer conversation? What do you think is really going on with you that it matters so much?

[lilwing89]

well she is probably still uncomfortable around me.

or really cant think of anything to talk about. you know it gets to the point where she is asking me what i wanna talk about. and i get sick of talking about things i like to talk about cause its happened wayyyyyyy too much.

[whaywardj]

You guys may not be a good match for each other. If the predominate feature of your relationship is that you want her to change, that's not good.

[Junsui]

How long have you been together? I'm sorry I can't remember. Ok, maybe I can help you out since I went through this. When my bf and I got together, we talked more online than in person. Well he talked the same in person, but I got really shy and just couldn't think of anything to say. She may just be insecure and uncomfortable right now, but over time she will open up. Then you won't be able to get her to shut up. Of course, I don't know how long you two have been together, I didn't really start talking a lot until like 4-5 months into the relationship. It was just a lack of confidence in myself.

[lilwing89]

about 2 and a half months

she is insecure and yea. she is seeing a psychologist right now about some problems. like anorexia and yup. she made that decision on her own, i never influenced it but im ok with it.

i never wanted her to change, hayward, the thing is im pissed off because she tells me that we need to talk more and im the one doing all the talking. im uneasy about it because she is making me the blame for her. before she mentioned all this, i was ok with the way it was going

[Airborne]

Yea I am similar to your gf, far more confidant on the net. Though I have to say I am not THAT bad that I cannot hold reasonable conversations.

Guess it is something she will grow ot of as you guys go out more and more.

[lilwing89]

i hope it does. we hang out about every weekend, so i hope thats enough time. plus we see eachother in school every day

[whaywardj]

...she tells me that we need to talk more and im the one doing all the talking. im uneasy about it because she is making me the blame for her. before she mentioned all this, i was ok with the way it was going

Ohhh! NOW I understand. Don't worry about a thing. Just P.E.V.R. her. Whenever she interrupts your DVD or video game, just Pause the game; Empathize with whatever she says; Validate what she says by telling her she's so right; then Resume the game. Women are notorius for never saying what they really mean and for meaning just the opposite of what they say. They expect you to "take the hints" and "read between the lines." When you don't read their minds, it's YOUR problem.

I'm only half joking.

Evidently, she enjoys you to be putting out effort to give her what she wants. What are you? The "conversation on demand" guy? Why does she have you on the defensive, trying to please her? If it were me, I'd likely be on the offensive about now, saying things like, "You want more conversation? Say something interesting." I certainly wouldn't being wracking my brain overly trying to figure out new songs and dances to do to keep her entertained. What she's wanting is a two-way street and it sounds like she's not willing to drive her side of the deal. I'd hazard she also doesn't take much initiative in the sex department, either.

[Junsui]

This is normal to me. She will definitely open up and talk more later on.

[whaywardj]

This is normal to me. She will definitely open up and talk more later on.

Except for the fact Lilwing seems to be getting so twisted out of shape over it, I'd say it was was pretty normal, too. Kinda difficult to tell who's carrying the bigger issue.

[Junsui]

Yeah, true Hayward