Judge my relationship

[BDRAS]

Hey all, I'm going to introduce my rather way-out relationship for you guys to judge, I'm really interested in what people on a forum like this have to say.

4 years ago i went overseas to visit a mate, one of his friends was 13 at the time, I was 17. - I liked her heaps but she was way too young. We had spark but my mate wouldn't let me ask her out because "she lives in a different country and she is too young for you"

2 years ago she moved back home (to the same country I was living in) but in a different city, 3000miles from my own, and we got in contact. We started chatting online and two days later we started calling each other. I was 19, she was 15.

We chatted for 5 hours every day/night for 4 months and formed a very close relationship not hindred by sex etc, however we talked about it alot. We talked about everything a lot.

After those first 4 months I flew accross the country to visit her - she was still 15, I was still 19. I asked her to marry me on the first day we were together, and the next day we had sex for the first time. It was her first time and it was the first time I didn't regret having sex.

After three days together I had to go home and back to work, we were both devistated and started planning some drastic action. I was thinking of moving to her, she was thinking of running away to me. After a month of this we spoke to her parents, who decided it was time for her to go live with them again, in the other country. I decided then and there to move with her. A month later (2 months after I visited her the first time) her parents paid for her to come and visit me for her 16th birthday, this is when we paid for my flight and my moving plans started to get serious. This is also when she met my parents who fell in love with her too.

about 10 months ago now (after 7 months of being together) I moved with her and met her parents for the first time - they were surprisingly nice to me and it was decided I was going to live with them.

I am still living with her family and things are going great - I got a job within 2 weeks of arriving and 2 months later, got a better job - at first her parents made me sleep in a seperate room, which just ment we had to wait for them to fall asleep before going up to her room, and then setting my alarm for 5am to go back down to my room. We did this for 6 whole months before we started to let them notice. Now, 10 months later they are 100% happy with me being here. Her mum and I are very good friends now and we even work together, she tells me everything (sometimes I think too much). I am going to pick up a diamond ring today, we are still young (she is almost 17, I am almost 21) but we want to take the step as soon as we can. There isnt anyone else for me and I want to brand her with my devotion.

I think what makes this relationship rather unique is we had met once before and had feelings for eachother, so it wasn't strictly a phone relationship. I decided to move overseas for her after being with her for just 2 days, and the age difference is still questioned by most people. The 6 months of phone relationship just made us very very close, we talk about everything, know everything about eachother, dont have secrets, feel totaly comfortable with eachother. I truly beleive I have found my soul mate. We are best friends and we can do anything together, we would do anything for eachother and I am sure we will always be together.

My friends still get angry at me for leaving a very successful job and a life full of friends behind, all for a girl, but I dont care what people have to say about me. I am happier than I have ever been and I made the perfect choice.

It was also very hard for my parents to come to terms with - Mum especially didn't understand how i could be so close to comeone I had only talked on the phone with. Dad was more supportive and tried to help mum realise how close two people could get if they only talked without anything physical for that long. Mum moved overseas to be with dad so I guess she couldn't really stop me.

So bring it on - I'm inviting judgement (not that I will take it to heart) - Its working fantastically for both of us, unlike what 99% of people predicted, what do you guys think?

[misombra]

out there.

[bluesummer]

I don't know. Typically the things or relationships you want at 16, 17, 18....through your early twenties tend to change as you mature and experience more in life. I won't be one to judge though, as I don't know either of you personally. If this were my friend or my sister......I'd be less than impressed, but to each his own. Good luck. I hope it beats the odds and works out for you.

[TAVS]

Very interesting story, thanks for sharing. My only comment is that despite your good vibes, I think you're, well especially she, are too young to get married. I dont think it will last for more than a couple yrs if even that. She's too young to be at this point in her life. I do find it interesting you had all these sexual issues (other post) by the age of 19. Man, you expect too much at your age

Disclaimer: I live in America, you probably dont, I dont know how your culture is so I could be completely off base.

[Asip4u]

I'm with bluesummer on this one...I don't want to judge you. I really hope that it works out for you guys. I must say it's very rare but who knows. If you don't live in North America there is a better chance of it working out. I know in some of the European countries, things are a lot different.

[BDRAS]

I'm asking to be judged here and I'm not going to take comments to heart, hell if my friends judged me very harshly and I didn't care, why would I care here?

Let me elaborate a little bit more - Our home county is a first world western country - pretty much the same culture as all other first world western countries. We are now living in a third world country working at our embassy.
Also - She had a lot of trouble when she was 11-12 and has grown up very quickly, when I met her at age 13, I thought she was 15. The age difference in numbers sounds huge, but emotionally its minor, infact shes older than me ;-)

Just before I moved OS, I met a couple nearing 90, they met when they were 13 and 17, and got together when they were 15 and 19. It gave me a real lift and I needed it at the time. People always comment on it being doomed and most people (as illustrated here) have the same outlook. In my heart I know there is no way we could be appart. See people comment on how people grow up etc, but we have been growing TOGETHER since forever. We get closer and closer every day.

Keep the comments rolling, I am enjoying them.

[TAVS]

Here in America, we dont use terms like "a first world western country." What the........

There are exceptions to every rule but more importantly is the difference between life in the 1900s and life in the 2000s.

What exactly are you expecting to get out of this thread?

[BDRAS]

Not expecting anything in from this thread really. A bit of flame, a lot of critacism, maybe somebody who is in a similar situation who understands? It can be hard to have your relationship rejected by everyone, its really great to meet people who understand (like that couple I mentioned)

In terms of your 1900's/2000's comment we are basically living in the 1900's anyway - The culture where we are living now is conservative 1800's style.

"First world western country" refers to europe, north america, etc. Predominantly white, rich countries. Third world country refers to a country where there are no cinemas, no mcdonalds, guns, poverty, corruption, no elevators, dirt roads and a whole lot of culture. I'm not sure if you find the line "First world western countries" offensive or controversial in any way, but it is the accurate and accepted way to refer to such countries.

[Tone]

Hope it works out for you guys.

[shh!]

I'll flame you, if you like.

You are both WAY too young to get married. You aren't even self-sufficient yet, which for me is part of the criteria for actual adulthood, and she can't even drink a glass of champagne at her own wedding. I don't care too much about the age difference now that she is 17, but I would never have allowed you near my daughter at the age of 13, and I can't understand parents that do. Of course, if they couldn't figure out that you were screwing their daughter while living in their house until you started dropping hints, I would guess they aren't geniuses.

Can this work out? Yes. Will it work out? Probably not. She isn't even a woman yet. Who knows where her personal development will take her? Why don't you wait until she grows up?

[Tone]

I agree with shh... just didn't feel like typing it all out.

[shh!]

Eh, I probably wouldn't have put it so directly if he hadn't basically ASKED us to with his provocative "bring it on" statements.

[Late_vamp]

ok , you wanna keep it real ? i keepts it real . what do you think is gonna happen if you move out with her into a ""first world country" full of nice malls and other guys around and nighclubs ...dont you think she's gonna want to go out and experience it . then when she will she'll find out what she was missing out on and she'll let loose and act how she was supposed to be when she was 15 ...getting all drunk and start acting stupid.

(of course this depends on the person , but usually if girls are "caged" their whole lives , once they get a taste of all that shit they wont want to leave it , and that is how bit ches and whores are born my friend )

[Confused2005]

Think everyone is being a bit harsh here.

Why focus on his use of "first world country"?....Like he said it is actually the correct phrase to use!

I think your relationship has as much chance of succeeding as anybody elses.

However, I would agree that you are too young and too early on in your lives together to get married.

I suggest you wait for a little while and simply enjoy being together without the pressures married life bring into it.

[BDRAS]

First of all I'm not phased at all by the "direct" comments - but something I notice is that people here judge my girlfriends personality rather than the basis for our relationship.

"can't even drink a glass of champagne at her own wedding"

She cant drink anymore because of medical reasons anyway - But trust me when I say, shes had enough to drink.

"she was supposed to be when she was 15 ...getting all drunk and start acting stupid."

I did say she's grown up quick - been there done that, and more. Not all by choice. She hates that part of her life now and wants to move beyond it, I'm not going to give details because they would be lost here, and out of place, but lets just say that this isnt something to be worried about.

"if they couldn't figure out that you were screwing their daughter while living in their house until you started dropping hints, I would guess they aren't geniuses."

You have assumed thier motives incorrectly - They wanted to make sure she had space if she wanted it, and to clarify, I didn't put any pressure on. within a month of moving in with them I asked her mum directly about her going on the pill (in this country her mum needs to be involved in that) - They are just typical parents, they didn't have a clue what was going on before I came into her life. Now that I am living with them they know a lot more about her. Let me give you an example - She got her period when she was 11, but her mum thinks she got it when she was 14-15?!?! She has been clubbing since she was 12, her mum thinks shes only been drunk a couple of times with the family. Anyway - I've said way too much but i just wanted to illustrate that your judging her character rather than our relationship.

In terms of getting married - We want a long engagement but we want to be engaged. Is that so bad? - Maybe when we move home we can get married, who knows.

"You aren't even self-sufficient yet, which for me is part of the criteria for actual adulthood"

This is another unfounded statement - First of all her folks are never home, we have to look after ourselves AND her little brother - When I say never home I mean, her dad is ALWAYS away, when he is home we never see him because he is asleep. If he needs to eat or something it is us cooking it for him. (He has a very very very demanding job, more demanding than any of you could imagine, dont judge him.) and her mum is building a hotel 250km away, so she is never home eigther. We are as self sufficient as we need to be to live without parental support.

Your also judgeing our financial situation. I'm not your typical 20yrold, and dispite spending $8,000+ to move overseas, I have build up a deposit for a house, I've started investing in shares, placing long term deposits, everything. Financialy I am rock solid and can support both of us on my very good wage. Including her uni fees, loan repayments, living expenses, everything. So maybe you can reconsider that statement?

So there you go, I think your judging her character rather than our relationship which is not what I asked for. Keep it coming, I am interested in peoples responses.