Depressed....

[Jeblina]

My ex (my daughter's father) and I broke up about 2 years ago....I haven't had a single relationship during that time (well, I just recently had a short relationship with an old friend...but it only lasted a few months). Well....today happens to be the day that we started dating, a whole 4 years ago. Every time Sept. 11th comes around, it makes me think of him, because I know this day is coming.

He and I had a whirlwind relationship, with lots of ups and downs.....LOTS of them....on both sides.....but generally, our relationship was great...and we loved each other a great deal. There are days when I really, truly, still miss him....even after being away from him for 2 years. I was reading some old letters that he sent me, and reading what he said to me, I just remember how I felt about him then...and wonder if I still feel the same way about him. It's hard to describe... Maybe it's because I'm raising his daughter, and she's a constant reminder of him (and she looks just like him!). He's never met her, and lately I've been thinking about contacting him to see if he wants to meet his daughter...but I'm worried that may open up a can of worms that I don't even want to go into....

I guess I still don't know if I'm quite "over" him yet.....but I don't think that taking 2 years to get over someone is quite normal.....is it?

[Lloyd95]

He's never met his own daughter? I hope his giving you money at least?
If not, he's another loser, why would you wnat to be with him?

[shh!]

Things could be worse. Many of us have uglier memories of September 11th than you do. At least you got a beautiful daughter out of it.

I don't think you are really still trying to get over him. I think you are just very young, single and lonely. Hang in there, you'll be okay.

[Jeblina]

He's never met his own daughter? I hope his giving you money at least?
If not, he's another loser, why would you wnat to be with him?

No...he's never met his daughter...kicked me out of our house when I was 3 months pregnant....and the only time that I heard from him was about 3 weeks after my daughter was born...he had the nerve to say, "Well I want to talk to you about terminating my parental rights....IF she's even mine!" I haven't spoken to a lawyer yet, but plan on it....but I think asking him to termiate his parental rights WOULD be a good idea....and THEN, if he wants to know his daughter, then there's no chance that he can come after me for custody. He's not paying child support...I don't want some of the strings that are attached with that....i.e....if he pays child support, he has visitation rights.....first, he lives with a drunk bimbo....two pittbulls...and he himself is a sexual offender (something stupid when he had JUST turned 18...but still). The only way I'd want him seeing his daughter is on neutral ground if I was there. And I'm not saying that I want to be with him....I guess I'm just saying that I miss how it was when times were great....and I wish I still had THAT with him.....and I wish my daughter had that too....

[TAVS]

Wow, that's a tough one. I wouldn't feel bad about having these feelings. When you Love someone, I think it's very hard to get overthem completely, especially when they leave you and not vice versa. Just remember the jackass he was when he left. And don't let this recent guy get in the way either. Keep looking for Mr. Right and when you find him, all those feelings will become a distant memory. I still have feelings for my first love. When she dumped me, the only way I moved on was because I found a replacement who was a lot better for me. Well, at least I thought so until this summer when she left. Don't let it bother you that you're depressed. Embrace the feeling and move on tomorrow. Don't bottle things up.

I know it may be difficult to see him again, but I always think it's a good thing for a child to know both their parents.

[Lloyd95]

Wow Jeblina, he is a loser; and a child offender too! No matter what age, no excuse.

Yes, terminate his parental rights.

You seem nice, how do you keep attracting losers like this?

[TAVS]

Yea, Losers and guys in Colorado.

[Jeblina]

Wow Jeblina, he is a loser; and a child offender too! No matter what age, no excuse.

Yes, terminate his parental rights.

You seem nice, how do you keep attracting losers like this?

I swear....I think I've gotta have that "loser magnet" removed...LOL I think my problem may be that I'm TOO nice....and maybe gullible and nieve in a way, because I think that the guys that I see are REALLY nice guys, then one day, somebody flips a switch and they're really not....and by that time, it's truly a shock to me. My mom's the same way....she's been married to my dad for 25 years, and last year, out of the blue, he tells us that he's moving out, and they're getting a divorce...he never gave her any warning...just up and left....insanity......

[Lloyd95]

Yea, Losers and guys in Colorado.

Jesus, between the two of you we're going to have to change the forum's name...

[shh!]

You seem nice, how do you keep attracting losers like this?

Everybody attracts losers. Some of us just know how to deflect them. That's what you should do, Jeblina. You should quit trying to make excuses for their bad behavior, because that will send them running.

[Lloyd95]

You should quit trying to make excuses for their bad behavior, because that will send them running.

Good point here.

[Jeblina]

Everybody attracts losers. Some of us just know how to deflect them. That's what you should do, Jeblina. You should quit trying to make excuses for their bad behavior, because that will send them running.

I don't remember making excuses for them? Did I? I know that I'm capable of it....but I try to be conscious of it so I DON'T make excuses for them....

[Rob26]

You had some good times with the guy, obviously, and nostalgia is kicking in. Perfectly normal, but it's happening because you are not socially active. You really need to find a way to meet more men! Perhaps some of the female posters can give you some advice on that -- I'm all geared up toward meeting women!

[Tone]

That's why I resist any urges to go into my "ex box". Ex, not ex's. Because my most recent ex got into a huge mess with me about having old girlfriends notes, sayin it's dumb to hold onto them, so I got pissed off and threw everything away just to shut her up.

But yeah, don't look back... I mean it's good to see our past and all, but you can't think of that person like that, instead think of that person and how they were when you broke up. This guy sounds like a scumbag now, don't think of how you thought he was when he had the wool pulled over your eyes.

[Jeblina]

But yeah, don't look back... I mean it's good to see our past and all, but you can't think of that person like that, instead think of that person and how they were when you broke up. This guy sounds like a scumbag now, don't think of how you thought he was when he had the wool pulled over your eyes.

I try to NOT look back...but it's hard not to....every time I look at my daughter, I see a part of him (the good part...not the a$$hole part), and I think about the fact that he and I decided to make this baby together, and now he doesn't even know her....it makes me feel sorry for him. Yes, he is a scumbag now....but I really try to not think about the breakup, just because it was so bad, and he was such a coward about it. I think the only reason that I'm not bitter about it is because I try to only think about the good times that he and I had...and there were a LOT of them. I miss those good times.....and yes, I miss him, or at least what he used to be.......