Needing some major advice... I REALLY like this girl, but am majorly nervous.

[Drummer_Dude]

Hello everyone.

I really need some advice, encouragement, or something.

I work with this girl that really really like... But I don't know her at all... She has been working where I do for over a year now, and I still haven't really talked to her (just a few HIs when I meet her in the hall)... I'm not really sure what I should do next.

I have had this problem with several girls in the past... It seems like the longer I let it go, the worse it gets... I have problems talking with girls that I potentially like... Until I find out they are either married, or engaged, or taken, and then I don't have any problem at all... It's crazy.

Back to this girl... I noticed her right away when I first started seeing her at work, she's quite attractive, but I didn't really like her or anything. When I would meet her in the hall, she would smile really big ( I know it sounds cheesy), and I would smile back. After I started noticing that she was looking at me (lots of eye contact) in the hall , I really started liking her. But here's the problem. I have let this go so long (probably 4 or 5 months now), and I have barely said a word to her..., that when I am around her, I get incredibly nervous. (Like... in the break room, or we get to work at the same time, or are leaving at the same time, when we are walking close together...)
Sometimes I get so nervous that my hands start shaking, and I get a really sick feeling, sometimes at my stomach. If you've ever watched Smallville, it's kinda like some of the first episodes, when Clark tries to approach Lana when she has the kryptonite necklace on. (I haven't spotted any kryptonite yet.

Another thing is, I can seriously see myself with this girl... Everyone I know who knows her says that she is very nice, and smart, and they also say she is quite shy. But at the same time, I can't seem to find a way to talk to her...

If I just meet her in the hall, all of the sudden, I can say "Hi" or whatever without problems, because it happens all the sudden. But shortly after, I get a little nervous (not as bad as the constant contact).

Part of the problem may be that I am a really shy person (seriously shy).
Also, I've never really been emotional, and I have problems sometimes expressing my feelings. Sometimes I have problems crying at funerals, unless it's a really close family member, like a grandparent, or uncle/aunt, etc...

I didn't really do any dating in high school, or really in college, so I'm not really good at it at all... Actually, I've only had 1 (kinda serious) girlfriend, and that's when I was 18, 19. (senior year in h.s, and part of my freshman year in college) But I knew her for quite a while before we started going out.

I think it will eventually work out... We both share a friend, and I've told this friend how I feel about her... There's something going on at a restraunt in our City soon (a young business professionals meeting) that we're both supposed to be at it, with this friend that we both share... Actually, it's within a week, but I'm so afraid I'm going to be so nervous that I won't even be able to talk, or I may stab myself with a fork when I try to eat.

As far as I know, she has been single this whole time... I am thinking what am I waiting for!!

Please Help...

[bluesummer]

Oye vey man. Stop talking yourself into this 'I'm so shy and nervous and I can't talk to girls' thing. The more you say it, the more convincing it becomes.

You're not going to hook up with this girl pining for her secretly on the side. If you want it, go after it. Obviously the shy guy thing hasn't been working too well for you so far, so why not try the opposite approach? You're going to miss out on a LOT of things in life my friend, if you don't learn to man up and go for what you want. Seriously. Yes....what ARE you waiting for? Talk to her at least! About anything!

[klip]

Hmm i think what you need is just some self-confidence, trust me, we ALL have the same issue sometimes, we lack confidence in ourselves and constantly blast our minds with "what ifs" or "what about"s the best way is to JUST DO IT! <copyright nike>

joking aside, just get her alone at any time ( you said you see each other at the hall right? ok thats perfect ) you can say something in addition to your nomal "hi!" try something like " hi <girls name here> !" and she will probably hi back or nod at you or smile, then before she walks off just summon the courage and DO IT just say something like " hey i know your busy but can i have a moment of your time?" and then just spring out a quick invitation on her, just be casual and normal about it dont act scared! " we've known each other for a while now and i would like to see if you could come after work today for a cup o coffee, if thats ok with you? " or something like that! look, u need to know if she feels for u the same way you do to her, so its best to find out, then rather than be all scared wondering " WHAT IF "

hope my advice helps, its just what i would do in that situation.

[Drummer_Dude]

Hey, thanks a lot.

Yeah, I know... I've said the opposite to myself before too. Life is to short, and if I let things like this keep me from doing something... Then, like you said, I am going to mis out on a LOT... If go for it, she says no... I'm really no worse off than I am now...

That being said... I still get the problem with the nervousness...

I have also tried the psychology stuff... but it doesn't seem to work on me... I keep thinking through it too much...

[Drummer_Dude]

Thanks klip.

you said you see each other at the hall right? ok thats perfect ) you can say something in addition to your nomal "hi!" try something like " hi <girls name here> !" and she will probably hi back or nod at you or smile.

Actually, sometimes when I pass her in the hall, I ask myself. "MAN!! Why didn't I say something more?!!!"

[bluesummer]

Hey, thanks a lot.

If go for it, she says no... I'm really no worse off than I am now...

...

Yes, but then at least you TRIED. Which is better than doing nothing at all and being left to wonder while she runs off with some other guy. You would kick yourself.

[klip]

when it comes down to nervousness, its just you being anxious of what will happen..thats why the quicker you just get it done the quicker your anxiety will end, yes im sure your anxiety comes from a fear that you may be rejected(correct me if im wrong of course ), but you WONT know if thats the case unless you get those few sentences out in the open, and in worse case, she isnt interested in you, DONT worry! there are other women out there, AND you will know that this girl isnt the one for you after all, that way you can leave some anxiety aside at last. and as for you being nervous when your near her, that goes back to what i said earlier, you just dont know how/what she feels for you.

[Maleber]

Thanks klip.



Actually, sometimes when I pass her in the hall, I ask myself. "MAN!! Why didn't I say something more?!!!"

lol, that used to happen to me all the time. Funny im 14

[klip]

ah heck, that still happens to me to, everyone feels nervous sometimes, its just if you really are interested in the girl, you need to step up and go for it!

[Drummer_Dude]

Thanks, both of you...

That definitely makes me feel a lot better...

BlueSummer, I totally agree... I've just got to quit throwing the "buts" in there.

klip, I think you're right... I am afraid she won't like me. But I guess I need to find this out asap...

As for the dinner thing thursday... Do you think I should try my best to talk to her before that? I really don't want this to be like a blind date kind of thing, because our friend has already told her that there's a guy that likes her, that's going to be there...

About that, yes, my friend told her that she needs to show up, because this guy (me), is interested in her... My friend told me she was really laughing, and sounded happy on the phone when she was telling her... That, of course, made me even more nervous... lol. But anyway, I am going to fight it the best I can, and try to figure out a logical reason to why I am nervous, and remind myself that it would be silly to be nervous...

[klip]

woah wait, i didnt catch that dinner thing before, let me see if i got this straight, your friend talks with this girl regularly, and he said she should go to the dinner because someone that likes her will be there? ( correct me if this isnt the story, i didnt catch it earlier )

[Drummer_Dude]

Yeah, that's right... Except my friend is actually a she... I don't think I mentioned that earlier. They used to work together on some stuff.

Another cool thing. I think she's a math major. I have a math minor. So there's kinda at least one thing we have in common.

[klip]

well, ok! i say you have 2 options..

A) Just do what u said, talk to her before this dinner, and as you two will be friends, you two can hang out at the dinner and have a good time.

or

B) this is the fun option but if u have trouble talking to her because of nervousness it may be a bit to much ( which is no big deal, you gotta start somewhere ) but anyway.. since she knows SOMEONE likes her at this dinner you and your friend should get creative and spring it on her that it is infact, YOU who likes her, sure it gets everything out there all in one moment but hey, you DO want to find out how she feels right? this one can prove to be very fun though, as im sure you and your friend can come up with some creative ideas to pop the answer to her that is you all along that was "that guy that likes her" just think of some ways, plus, if she does have feelings for you, she will be flattered by the effort you put in to doing it.

[Drummer_Dude]

( you said you see each other at the hall right? ok thats perfect )

So, do you think I should wait for an opportune moment in the hall, or do you think I should go to her office and talk to her ?

Alsol you said to ask her something like " we've known each other for a while now and i would like to see if you could come after work today for a cup o coffee, if thats ok with you? "

How about ice cream? Also... What do you think about a movie, or would a movie be a bad idea?

[klip]

between office/hall pick whichever is more comfortable for you, both will give you the same position...and as for the place of the "date" if you will call it that, i went with coffee to try and do a more proffessional sort of feel, but ice cream works just as well, i would wait for the movie untill AFTER the coffee/ice cream, like when ur done say like " well i had a great time <girls name>, i should have invited u sooner!....if your not busy <say a time/date that is convinent, maybe on a weekend, or after work if its ok?> we can catch a movie, if you want that is " or something like that u get the idea