Sticky situation....help!

[Jeblina]

Ex-addicts know the signs. I would be really careful if I were you. It sounds like you are in denial.

I am an ex addict....but am kinda wishy-washy on whether or not they're actually signs.....I'm watching MUCH more carefully right now.....and no....not in denial...but I want to be fair.

[Jeblina]

Equally important, how long have you been seeing him?

We've been "officially" dating for 2 months.....but I was BEST friends with him in high school....then we fell out of touch for 3 years, re-met about 5 months ago and have been hanging out ever since......but "officially" dating only 2 months.

[Lloyd95]

he said, "I love you" and I said," You do?" and he said, "yeah I do" and I smiled and said," Me too".....no rejection here.....

Geez, you might as well said, "Ditto" (ala 'Ghost') or "that's nice".

I think some of his uneasiness might be that he was caught offguard opening up his feelings too early. I have done that in the past; even though I felt "love", I tried never to say it too soon.

As far as the drug addiction, I don't know the signs really. What kind of drugs too? I personally have no problem with pot, as long is it doesn't get in the way of work, relationships etc. Now if it's shooting up heroin, that's a different story.

Also, in my business back in the 90's, coke was prevalent; I know it's addictive, but I'm not sure really on that. I guess just booze and pot is all I could tolerate, as long as not in excess.

[Jeblina]

Geez, you might as well said, "Ditto" (ala 'Ghost') or "that's nice".

I think some of his uneasiness might be that he was caught offguard opening up his feelings too early. I have done that in the past; even though I felt "love", I tried never to say it too soon.

As far as the drug addiction, I don't know the signs really. What kind of drugs too? I personally have no problem with pot, as long is it doesn't get in the way of work, relationships etc. Now if it's shooting up heroin, that's a different story.

Also, in my business back in the 90's, coke was prevalent; I know it's addictive, but I'm not sure really on that. I guess just booze and pot is all I could tolerate, as long as not in excess.

He just seemed stoned to me (weed was my "drug of choice" back when I was doing drugs...I think I remember the signs...LOL). I am pretty positive that he was just high from weed.

He caught me offguard too by saying that he loves me! I mean...I really didn't expect him to say it at all for QUITE a while. And you have to remember...this is my first relationship in two YEARS...the last time I loved somebody, I got burned BADLY....so I admit...I'm a little scared to feel the same way again.

Then, the other night, when this whole thing blew up....I told him how I really felt about him....but I hadn't said "love" again because HE hadn't. He told me that it had just slipped...he hadn't meant to say it, but didn't regret saying......but that he was scared to move too fast because he didn't want to screw anything up.....LOL....at the beginning of the relationship, I was the one worrying about how fast things might move.....and now I'm comfortable with how I feel, and he's panicking!

[Lloyd95]

I've seen your pics, I think I love you too?

[shh!]

Have you simply asked him about how interested he is in drugs? Does he know you are an addict? What sort of drug history does he admit to?

[Jeblina]

Have you simply asked him about how interested he is in drugs? Does he know you are an addict? What sort of drug history does he admit to?

He and I went to high school together where we were best friends.....I did some of my "partying" with him. I am no longer an addict...but I DO know that he has more of an extensive drug history than I do. When I first re-met him about 5 months ago, I talked to him about drugs, and the fact that I don't do them anymore...blah blah blah....and he said that he doesn't do them anymore, because he doesn't want to be a hipocrite in 10 years when his daughter is 15 and asks him if he's done drugs, etc etc. Should I take what he says at face value? Or call him out and tell him that I think he was high the other night? Or should I tell him that I believe him, and just watch VERY carefully for other signs? I'm lost as to what to do....

[shh!]

Seeing that you are a mother with a history of drug abuse, there is absolutely NO room for you to tolerate even moderate use. Once an addict, ALWAYS an addict. Honestly, I am concerned because I know that people with similar backgrounds tend to find each other, and seriously, I don't mean to sound unkind, but straight-as-an-arrow men would be put off by your drug history.

You already know that he has a past. Should you believe him? I don't know. How stable is he in every other area of his life? Is he employed? Does he have children, and if so, does he support them financially and have regular, healthy contact with them? What about his family and friends? Are they losers or healthy, productive people? Unexplained absenses and disproportionate reactions are BIG warning signs. Also, two months of dating might be too soon for the "I love you" stuff. I'd be REAL careful if I were you, and keep your baby out of the picture with him altogether. Why should she have to watch all of this going on? She might get attached, only to have you find out in a couple of months that he is using, and she will be hurt...

[Lloyd95]

He has a young daughter; I'm guessing 5 years old.

[shh!]

Are we talking about you, Lloyd? hahaha

How was your weekend with your kids? (Are they both girls?)

[Lloyd95]

No, I was talking about Jeblina's man.

My weekend was good; our original plans fell thru, but it was good none the less. I have two girls, 4 1/2 and 2 1/2.

[shh!]

2 1/2? How cute she must be! You should post her pic, too! Do you find them exhausting on your weekends? Mine were at that age (but I sure do miss it)...

[Lloyd95]

2 1/2? How cute she must be! You should post her pic, too! Do you find them exhausting on your weekends? Mine were at that age (but I sure do miss it)...

Yes, very exhausting, but we're hijacking Jeblina's thread.

[Jeblina]

Seeing that you are a mother with a history of drug abuse, there is absolutely NO room for you to tolerate even moderate use. Once an addict, ALWAYS an addict. Honestly, I am concerned because I know that people with similar backgrounds tend to find each other, and seriously, I don't mean to sound unkind, but straight-as-an-arrow men would be put off by your drug history.

You already know that he has a past. Should you believe him? I don't know. How stable is he in every other area of his life? Is he employed? Does he have children, and if so, does he support them financially and have regular, healthy contact with them? What about his family and friends? Are they losers or healthy, productive people? Unexplained absenses and disproportionate reactions are BIG warning signs. Also, two months of dating might be too soon for the "I love you" stuff. I'd be REAL careful if I were you, and keep your baby out of the picture with him altogether. Why should she have to watch all of this going on? She might get attached, only to have you find out in a couple of months that he is using, and she will be hurt...

I hate that saying, "once and addict, always an addict"....I've been clean and sober for nearly 4 years...and have absolutely NO temptation whatsoever...even if the stuff was stuck in front of me. I guess that I'm "higher risk" to most people.....but I'm nowhere NEAR an addict.

Most of the people that I meet don't KNOW about my drug history....I was young, a stupid kid who did drugs for 9 months of my life...I spent 6 months in an outpatient rehab facility, and came out changed.....stopped talking to all my "druggie" friends....and have continued on with my life. I tell people about my past when I think they deserve to know. And I find that guys are MORE put off by the fact that I have a kid then the fact that I've done drugs.

He does have a daughter, and she is nearly 5 years old. He pays child support and spends lots of time with her. He is employed and works hard. I haven't met many of his friends...and the ones I have met have been in passing....so I can't really answer about the friends....

Unfortuately, it's difficult for me to keep my daughter out of the picture here.....most of the time that we spend together, she is with us....because I'm a single mom, and I don't have the money to hire a babysitter every night I want to do something. So he's gotten to know her very well...and she likes him.....whenever I talk to someone on the phone, she always says his name...even if it's not him......but she's young....only 20 months....if something happens....it won't be too hard on her.....not as hard as if she was older anyway.....

[shh!]

I don't know why I thought you were in your mid-thirties, and I have to say that teen drug use doesn't necessarily put you into the same category as an adult addict would in my mind. That being said, I would still advise you to be careful, this guy HAS used with you before, and is behaving suspiciously at times.

Can't your mom keep your little girl while you date? Or is she just not that kind of mom?