Physical VS Mental attraction

[Late_vamp]

LOL , damn that was funny.

[lilwing89]

i would hate to be with a man who did not find my physically attractive. however i will say this to you reverb... looks fade, beauty is on the inside.

i couldnt have said it better myself..

you cant base a relationship on looks..thats why when men get married they stop talking to their wifes and stuff(just kidding)

i guess a certain ammount of each is necessary..if her looks are unbearable..dont do it. love is mostly in the mind.

imo i dont like the dating site ideas..its too cheezy and i believe that is the way love SHOULDNT happen. but im sure a few of you here on LF will disagree with me

[Ellynn]

Well if you honestly cannot get past her weight....then be honest with her. Its harsh....but if you cannot see being with her becuz of that...then let her know. Then she can find someone worth her time and go for him....

Now if you want to be a good guy about it...give her a chance. I honestly don't think she sounds that much overweight. I mean if worse comes to worse....once she has her surgery....then she may be up for more physical things and can loose the weight. I mean even offer to exercise with her. I mean if you love everything about her emotionally......thats the important thing. I mean if she lost a few pounds you would think she is pretty right? Also you had sex with her and its not like you were physically unable to right? I say give it a chance.....

[Late_vamp]

well from what you say about her height and weight , it doenst sound that bad. Most probably after her surgery and recovery , she will fell better about being healthy again and maybe all you ll have to do is just give her a bit off an initiative to make her feel like her weight issue is not a problem and that she can fix it , just support her in that case .

Also iv know a couple that was like a guy in shape ,and the girl was like 200pds if not even bigger , she tought she wasnt good enought for him in terms of looks and she started to fell that she was embarassed by it , so she started going to the gym to excercise ...But she never really changed ,why? because she coulnt hold herself on her own word . not enough committement on her part .

but for the ones that are determined , they will succed , maybe not to the point of her being like 110 pnds in like 3 months but it should improve , just find a sport or physical activity that you both enjoy(sex doesnt count , but it does help) and start practicing , you might wanna try dancing classes like salsa ...that makes you move alot .

[Tone]

I don't think you can have a successful relationship based on the mental aspect alone... you HAVE to have that physical attraction too.

Like the others have said, she doesn't sound that bad... 5'2 and 155.. doesn't sound that bad at all. Like Ellynn suggested... why not try exercising with her? Just plan a lot of activities that involved exercising... bike rides, hiking, etc.

And yeah she must not be that bad if you made out with her and (from the sounds of it) slept with her.

But, in my opinion, mental attraction is the biggest thing in a relationship, but you have to have to have to HAVE to have the physical attraction too.

[Jeblina]

Physical attraction can also come after a while. From my personal experience, the guy I'm seeing right now, at first I wasn't very physically attracted to him, but we had SO much in common, and had a great time together.....after a while, I kinda forgot that I didn't find him that attractive....and now, there's no question that I find him attractive. So, I think in some cases, mental attraction can help a physical attraction grow. Be patient and give it some time....time always helps things come into focus better.

[misombra]

i think physical attraction can begin at any time though. somebody posted before me said that as they got to know the person they became more attractive. i've felt like that too. i dated a guy that i didn't find very attractive at first but as i got to know him and we spent more time together his looks just kinda went away and i was able to see beyond that. i suggest you do the same reverb.

[misombra]

oooh jeblina u beat me to it!

[Jeblina]

oooh jeblina u beat me to it!

LOL....great minds....

[misombra]

true that sister.

[Rob26]

It seems as if all the gals are saying love can get past looks and all the guys are saying the opposite.

As a guy, I say, move on. I've been in a couple of relationships like this and it becomes a real problem. And as a couple of people have pointed out, eventually the woman is going to get tired of the fact that you never compliment her on her looks unless coerced, etc. Women need to feel that they're physically attractive to their partners.

BTW, she's 5' 2" and 155 -- but this will only get MUCH worse as she ages.

[Ellynn]

Yes I do agree you have to be attracted to the person somewhat physically as well. But sometimes it does come in time.... I think you built up in your mind that she was perfect. News flash: No one is perfect.

But if you could have sex with her and make out with her.....there had to be some attraction on the physical side right? Thats a start.

But if you honestly get grossed out by the fact of sleeping with her again, or being with her.......spare the trouble and end it now.

You said yourself she has a health problem where shes gonna have surgery and thats why she put on the weight. I mean .......how can she be active right now if her health isn't the greatest? I swear men expect too much.... What happens when your wives have kids? Shes gonna get bigger....its a temporary thing........most of the time.....and sometimes its not. Would you leave them then?

If her being just a few pounds overweight is really gonna bug you.....then go and find your "perfect" girl.

[carpflounder]

By her a membership to a gym. I did this for my gf, and she loves going. I explained to her that I'm physically active and that the people I surround myself with are as well. She took it great, and she was really happy that I payed for her, and that she could excercise. Discourage her from snacking on sweets as well.

Be happy you have a keeper too. Good luck man.

[misombra]

what are you her person trainer and dietician?

look, if you want yourself a little barbie doll leave this girl alone. she had surgery what the hell do you guys expect. do you think you're perfect? there's nothing wrong with you? pssssssssssha.

[Rob26]

What happens when your wives have kids? Shes gonna get bigger....its a temporary thing........most of the time.....and sometimes its not. Would you leave them then?

That happens a lot. My mom has a number of tubby divorced friends whose ex-husbands are now remarried to, or dating, babes.

I think, also, that men who stay with their wives in this situation sometimes do so for the sake of the children, or out of a sense of duty. Don't expect these guys to be giving their wives unsolicited comments on their looks. Both partners must be living lives of "quiet desperation".