3 years of admiring someone with nothing to show for it?

[Smithx]

Hey. Few months ago, I had a thread that dragged on and on. As yet, I abandoned the internet advice for a while and I guess I'm back. A little information (I'll try to keep this as short as I can). I'm 17, almost 18. I've had many crushes on girls, but nothing as real as what I feel now. There's this girl, katie. I've liked her since I was 14! That's 3 years, and now I am in my final year in high school. I've liked her for all these many years, yet said nothing to her. Last year (my junior year), I had given her 3 letters with a 'secret admirer' signature. They had been enough to make her cry in class. I guess because she's never gotten anything like this before.

My best friend, call em 'X', who's been good friends with kt for over 5 years now. X is in a very good relationship and see's kt as a good friend, nothing more. Me and X go way back too, but not as far back as him and kt. The three letters, made her almost publicly ask 'who wrote these?!' I know this because I seen her and X talking, and nether of them knew.

So, what happens next in this story? I tell X that I wrote the letters, estatic, he drops his guitar (We're in a band), and he's never been so surprized, anyways. After I wrote her the 3rd letter, X told Kt's best friend Erin about me. Erin, in turn, told kt. So she's known about me being the admirier about 2 months before school even ended. A word never surfaced between the both of us, no looks exchanged, nothing. Nothing in the past 111 day's she's known about me and my admiration for her. I wrote her one more letter, I planned to give it to her on the very last day of school before summer vacation, in person, with my name on the end of it instead of a secret admirier. Pethetic me witholds it, and didn't have the will to give it to her. I ask X, if he could do me this one huge favor. Since X and kt live within a block from each-other, I had handed him the 5 page letter. He gave it to her, and that was that. I never knew what happened after that.

Before she knew I liked her, she came to a band practice of ours once or twice. Since then, this summer, we've (me, x) went to kt's house with erin and just watched movies, drove around, went to a movie, had a band practice.. and i've seen her maybe 5x since summer started.

Enough about backround information (I know I backtracked a lot, sorry about that). Anyways, everytime me and x are doing something with them, they/she ask's 'Why are you so quiet?' Well, in the last letter I had stated that I had been so afraid to even look at her since she knew who I was, let alone talk to her. I leave them with a blank responce "I dun know". Kt, should know but I don't see why the question continues to be raised. Visits are off and on. I am seeing her tomarrow for our band practice, ooh, how I love seeing her out of school, coming over to my house, to see us play. Im pretty sure its just for band reasons since' she's done it before she even knew about me.. plus I think she has a thing for X, even though he's truly in love with another, I cant be certain.

Anyways, to the point. I look forward on seeing her everytime X calls me and says to me 'kt and erin want to do somthing on this day, wanna go"? Of course, i do! Anyways, I count down the hours, rehearse and analyize a possible situation so I have something to say if that one moment arrives where I am in the position to spark a conversation with her about those letters. Of course that never happens, and they leave and I am ready to jump off a cliff and fall into tears. I am too shy, I've admired this girl for 3 years... and after all this time, I know there is no one else that even comes remotly close to measuring up to her, in my mind at least. I look for flaws in everything I do before I take that one step forward. In her, I don't see any.. so I stand still. X told me that he heard from erin that kt was 'thinking' about asking me to homecomming (at the beginning of the school year) because of those letters. I don't want to seem like a pesimist but, I dont want to wait that long only to stand there in silence. I have imagined that perfect song when we could be dancing to tell her everything.. but my heart cannot wait that long. I want to tell her everything, i want to open myself up to her before that. I want her to take me to a dance out of love, not sympathy for the lonely guy that never talks unless its short & to the point. I guess I'm asking for idea's on how I can start this 'conversation' with her, I'd really just like to sit down in a room, away from the other guys, and open up.. but I cant just do that. Im thinking about leaving some of the cards etc, she gave out to a bunch of people for holiday's etc, & leaving them out for her to catch her eye on.. to show her that anything she feels should be given to me is kept and treasured by me, I don't know.. I'm stumped, maybe even stupid.. anything, and I mean ANYTHING is really appreciated. Thanks



~Smith

[TAVS]

Here's a tip. Forget about her and move on.

[Lighght]

I think you need to stop being shy. Go talk to Katie; strike up a conversation and go form there. I know you're nervous when you are around her; everyone is when they are around someone they admire. Stop being a wuss, you will never get to know her unless you talk to her.

And when you do talk to her, don't express you feelings immediately. Have fun, make her laugh, let her get to know you and vice versa.

The reason why she asks you "Why are you always so quiet?" is because they want to talk to you, but they're afraid you don't like them. Next time she asks, (which she shouldn't because you should talk to her as soon as you see her) if she must, tell her it's because you're shy, and you don't know what to say when you're around her. She'll probably think it's cute, and she'll try to make you come out of your shell.

[Smithx]

Thanks Lighgt. Tav's on the otherhand.. pfft. Looking forward toward tomarrow when I see her.. anything else is apprecaited too.. well, except posts like 'forget about her' because i can tell you right now.. after 3 years that's not going to happen. If she wants me to forget about her, then that is a different story.. But it hasnt come to that now has it? So please, refrain from those kinds of replys tav. Thanks

[TAVS]

Just lookin out for your best interests. You'll learn.

[Junket]

(I'll try to keep this as short as I can).

Liar.

I could do better.

[Tone]

Is this pretty much an updated version of the same problem this guy had in another big thread somewhere here?

[Ellynn]

Ok......I had a crush on a guy throughout high school. It all started when I was 14 and lasted all the way up until after graduation.... I liked him sooo much but could not bring myself to do anything about it. It was just alot of eye contact or flirting here and there but I didn't do a thing about it. Then we graduated and I had a letter to give him. Unfortunately I did not have the nerve to do that either.....so we ended up graduating and he went off to college and I stayed here and went to school.

Finally during my freshman yr of college I looked him up at college and started emailing him. I finally got the courage.....and he finally found out how I felt about him. He was very surprised...he said he didn't realize......but that he was really far away with school and all. He told me that if maybe I would have said something in high school....we could have gotten to know each other more and hang out. But I was too damn shy and I missed my chance!

I'm telling you this story because I was in the same situation back in high school......and I didn't take the chance and found out there could have been one after it was too late. I did get the closure I needed and got over him.....and moved on. But, you still have the chance!

Letters are nice......but notice how you never really know what happened after she read that long one? I say just talk to her......or say something like......well Im your secret admirior.... Thats all you have to say and she will know how you feel.. If you don't take a chance .....one of these days its gonna be too late. SHes gonna meet someone else....etc.. Plus how can you have a relationship eventually if you cant hardly even look at her? Maybe its one of those things were you get so infatuated that you put the person on a pedestal and cant even be yourself around them. HOnestly that kind of relationship wont work. Ive always found that its VERY important to be able to be comfy around the person...... So just talk to her. Tell her face to face....

[equivo]

I remember your last thread, and my only advice is TALK TO HER. TALK. TO. HER.

Please stop torturing yourself with all this overanalytical bullsh*t and just do it. Now I know you're thinking "this isn't the advice I wanted to hear" but it's the only advice that will work in your situation. You just need to do it and quit worrying and analysing absolutely everything and planning out the situation and how its gonna happen etc.
Forget all that crap, just go up and start a conversation.

The reason I say this is because #1, it really is the only way to deal with your predicament, and #2, I've been in similar situations more times than I would have liked because I'm shy like you, and after the opportunity is lost the regret is so much more painful than the effort it takes to just DO IT.

You have been told all this many times before.. Please just try it.

[equivo]

And the best thing is the first time you do it will most likely be very difficult and awkward, but each time after that it will get easier and easier until eventually you wonder how it was ever so difficult.
I assume you have one or two close female friends right? Just pretend Katie is one of them. Act like you do around good friends with her, because that is your true self (usually).

[Smithx]

Well equivo, I have only 2 girls I even remotly hang around with. That'd be kt and her best friend. I've lived upstairs for 5 years with no human interaction 99% of the time.. Hell I don't even have a tv after my last one died. I'm going to see her tomarrow, I'll do my best... try to get something out.. again. I know what you are all saying. It's just.. well, i don't know. Im not trying to make excuses because I know what kind of answer to expect. I know yall have been trying to help me and are tired of giving me the same advice over and over..

I mean, I've never had a g/f, never held hands with a girl, never had a heart to heart talk with a girl, never even hugged someone outside my immediate family for crips sake, so even the simple 'hi lights up my day.. now taking that gigantic leap forward and doing something about kt is just one of those obsticles I want to work around.. wish me luck tomarra or just make fun of me.. who-ever some of you are.

[Ellynn]

Good Luck! You can do it! Worse that can happen is that shes not interested....which should give you closure. I moved on and IM sure you can also. When I liked that guy in high school I wasn't all that experienced either... Good news is eventually you will outgrow your shyness and inexperience.....with time.

[Only-virgins]

Here's a tip. Forget about her and move on.

When are people going to learn that the above tip is not something that will work..?. Shit, 8 years and going for me.

[Ellynn]

When are people going to learn that the above tip is not something that will work..?. Shit, 8 years and going for me.

You may not forget....but you do move on..or at least you should.....

[Only-virgins]

You may not forget....but you do move on..or at least you should.....

Well, I can not. Unless new feelings like those will follow towards a new person...which they have not yet after 8 years.