How did you break it off!!! Your experiences Please

[toto]

Hi all, Ive found myself in a situation where my girlfriend has become dependent on me but I dont love her and want to break it off.

Quick Summary:
I was dating a girl for 2 years and in love and living together before she decided she wanted to be single.

About a month and a half later i meet my current girlfriend and things started off well. I kind of think I was glad to be making positive steps to get over my ex. Anyway over the months i noticed little things about her like being very stressfull, Very chatty and loud, demanding, a wet kisser!

Over time these things played on my attention and now really grind me down. The obvious thing to do would be to break it off...But she and i have left uni and all her friends have left. Not only that but she talks about moving in, which i dont want having done that with my last girlfriend. She is very mature minded and some of my friend who like most guys enjoy their drink and have a good childish carry on. She thinks they are to childish. Also she talks about marriage and so on.

One, Im not ready for that. Not for a good few years anyway. All I want to do, and i tell her this, is to enjoy being 22, I dont want a wife I want a girlfriend.

I suppose I need to break it off with her, i realise that, but....and i know this is lame but i have never ended it before. And when we have fights and she starts crying I just cant do it to her!

So please can you give me advice, your stories or comments.

[Katini]

First of all, how does she react when you tell her the not wanting a wife, but a girlfriend, thing? Because that can have a huge impact.

I haven't broken up with anybody but I have insited upon action before. The first thing you have to do is accept that if you truly don't love her, then it's not fair to her to lead her on and make her think this relationship is going to continue when she has thoughts of marriage and settling down. Also, how long have you been dating for?

[Ellynn]

As much as you don't want to hurt her....you need to be honest with her. If your not feeling that things are working you need to break it off ASAP. The longer you string her along the more its gonna hurt.

Just be honest how you feel. Just tell her that right now you don't want to be in a relationship. Face to face would be the best. I hate when people use email or phones to break up. At least give the relationship the respect by breaking up in person. She may start crying but no matter how you do it shes gonna cry. The sooner you end things..the sooner the both of you can move on.

[toto]

We have been dating for 9 months now. When i say i want a girlfriend not a wife she stays quiet and then responds to another point i had made like not seeing noving in being a good idea. But the first time I said that she seemed to react, not over the top but enough to let me know I made a good point.

There have been times when she said she thinks i dont want to go out any more. But the way she said it was more a cry for comfort than a serious suggestion. Other times she will say she was upset for a few days because things are not right. Thats when i just cant do it to her. She starts crying and i cant help but fold and comfort her.

I know i need to stand strong and ended it. I think of the ideal way of doing it and always come up with...the next argument we have thats bad, ill end it.

What do you think? A bit shitty or not?

[Ellynn]

It is good of you to comfort her. Actually I should say its really nice of you to. But you have to stick with what you want. You can still comfort her but tell her that you have made your decision and its for the best.

I have had guys break up with me in a harsh way....and guys break up with me in a nice way. I have also done breaking up both ways. If you can be nice about it and stick to your guns with breaking up I say do that. It can make the transition easier and its alot less messy with fighting and name calling etc. But if she doesn't get the hint the best thing is to just tell her and let it go like that and just move on.

It is nice to think of the other persons feelings....but sometimes you have to think about yours as well.

[Ekips]

It seems she likes crying alot. So if your nice or mean, she'll cry alot. Being mean means that you'll guaranteed break up. Also, it'll make her more prepared for other break-ups.

[Ellynn]

You don't have to be nasty about it.... Yes Ill admit when a guy is a jerk about some things it makes it easier to get over him....... You just have to say it. I wouldn't necessarily wait for the next fight to happen but you need to let her know. Even if you say it in a completely deadpan voice...."This is not working, I want to break up." .......you need to get the point across..

Like I have said and others have said .....regardless she is gonna cry. But you need to know your doing the right thing.

[RSK]

We have been dating for 9 months now. When i say i want a girlfriend not a wife she stays quiet and then responds to another point i had made like not seeing noving in being a good idea. But the first time I said that she seemed to react, not over the top but enough to let me know I made a good point.

There have been times when she said she thinks i dont want to go out any more. But the way she said it was more a cry for comfort than a serious suggestion. Other times she will say she was upset for a few days because things are not right. Thats when i just cant do it to her. She starts crying and i cant help but fold and comfort her.

I know i need to stand strong and ended it. I think of the ideal way of doing it and always come up with...the next argument we have thats bad, ill end it.

What do you think? A bit shitty or not?

Does your LF name have anything to do with an Italian Movie?

[toto]

No, sadly is an eighties rock band. I only like one song though! (toto - hold the line)

[RSK]

It's not in the way that you hold me
It's not in the way you say you care
It's not in the way you've been treating my friends
It's not in the way that you'll stay till the end
It's not in the way you look or the things that you say that you do

Hold the line
Love isn't always on time

[RSK]

writing the lyrics is kind of pointless, because the song is all about the music, right?

[GrkScorp]

I dont want a wife I want a girlfriend

wow... you go ahead and tell her that... let us all know how that one goes...



u see... that would translate to...

"i don't want anything serious.. i just enjoy our casual relationship.."

if that's what you really wanna say.. then be my guest...

[XPixiedustX]

well toto,
i had a similar problem only w/ me the guy started crying everytime i tried to break it off...yea..and i really suck at breaking up with people anyway, but from my experience it's best just to be honest...end it and even if she cries don't go back on your word....it might take a while before she get's over it...but it's just gonna take much longer if you strech this out any longer...

[GrkScorp]

well toto,
i had a similar problem only w/ me the guy started crying everytime i tried to break it off...yea..and i really suck at breaking up with people anyway, but from my experience it's best just to be honest...end it and even if she cries don't go back on your word....it might take a while before she get's over it...but it's just gonna take much longer if you strech this out any longer...

yup... think about it... toto...

you want a girlfriend... not a wife...

but...

she wants a husband.. not a boyfriend...

so i don't see where the compromise is???

if u feel like ur not happy, or it's too fast for commitment, or u feel like she's not the person you want to make that sort of commitment to.. then break it off and move on with your lives... both of you!!!

22 is way too early to be stuck with the wrong person...

[toto]

thanks for all the replys, its made me think of what to do.

I do treat out relationship as dating and just see how it goes because i think thats the way it should be. I know she is planning the future and i find that uncomfortable. I dont think she is the one for me despite all her qualities so will ended it.

I still dont know how im going to do it cos we are getting on really well just know so i feel i should wait till is not so good, for it to feel natural....if you know what i mean?

There is alot of doors opening for us right now and leading to different directions as well so that has played it part in it and we have talked about breaking up. I feel i am to young and only really can afford to do what i want now with my life and that does not include being tied up.

Oh and thanks for the lyrics, good tune!!!