Whats up with some guys lately?

[Ellynn]

Ok......so I was talking to this guy online for months. We were just friends and decided to meet as friends. When I first met him I didn't really feel anything for him. I guess I really wasn't expecting much. Well after we met and hung out and watched movies together and he gave me a back massage.....he gave me hug goodnite and that was it.

So I get home and we talk online as usual. We continue to talk online for a week or so and we get into this conversation. Well basically in the conversation he reveals that he likes me.....but seeing as I insist we just be friends.....he doesn't push it further. I'm actually surprised he likes me so I'm like....hmmm....maybe I'll give it a shot. I mean before we met we would talk about our relationships or problems w/ each other and he would tell me how he had trouble finding someone that he was into or how this girl was hitting on him and he did his best to avoid her etc. I would talk about my issues w/ a guys I was dating etc.

Anyways......I let him know that the feeling is mutual about liking him.....so we hang out again. This time we watch a movie at his apt....and have munchies and conversation. Then he starts to tickle me and we end up wrestling on his bed and he holds me for a long time....and we just talk and talk etc. Well we did this thing where you stare at each other and whoeven blinks first looses....etc. Well we ended up kissing. It kinda turns into making out and then offers to give me an oil massage. At first I object because that would mean going topless....but well he promised to not try anything....which he didnt. So we give each other oil massages and talk etc. Then we watch some more TV....and well we end up having sex. It just kinda happened and I don't normally do stuff like that but it felt right. Afterwards we talked some more .....and I spent the nite and then I asked him where things were with us. He said he wanted to keep them as they are now and just go w/ the flow and see what happens. I agreed reluctantly and we left it at that. I guess Im used to sex when I'm actually in a relationship and he had told me he liked me and I guess I shouldnt have assumed he wanted a relationship....
Well a month passed of seeing each other.....and I asked him if we were dating or what was happening. He told me that he wasn't looking for a relationship at the moment and he wanted to keep things as is. This had me kinda hurt. I figured if he had all he wanted now....then why would he want a relationship w/ me. I just didnt understand it because he acted like it was so hard to find a relationship and he had a chance w/ me but didnt want to take it. I knew he was hurt in the past by his ex cheating on him....so I figure maybe that has something to do with it. Well I kinda gave him an ultimatum and he told me he preferred no relationship so I stopped seeing him. That was it.
We still talk online and he wants to hang out....but I told him I cant do it. I mainly don't trust myself and honestly I have never been a friends w/ benefits girl. I mean he could have been out having sex w/ other girls while with me and i would have no say or right to say anything. And plus being part of that is just gross.
The more and more Im getting into dating guys at my age......I'm noticing guys dont want attachements at all. I mean Im not asking for marriage...all I want is to be in a relationship and get to know someone and have fun and be monogomous. Or at least be in something that could be more serious down the road in a few years. I don't know. I've kinda stuck w/ not dating and it sucks but its not that bad. I don't want to settle.. I really liked this guy though and for once I met someone who was almost done w/ school and has his own place and has his stuff together. I guess its really disappointing.....otherwise I always attract these loser guys that want me to support them or have no ambition.......sighs....

Do you think I was harsh to just cut him off? Do you think he was using me? I kinda thought that maybe he was......but I'm wondering if I was asking for too much or if I was smart to do what I did. I know I have to do what works best for me.....but IM seeing a pattern here w/ other guys I talk to as well. Sigh.......I hate this! Its fustrating!

[clynn]

Yah, men are frustrating.

But, what makes you think he was dating other people?

And why did you feel the need to push the relationship further after only a month of dating?

[Ellynn]

Well he didn't say he was dating anyone else. But I guess I'm not used to just dating a guy....I'm used to being in a relationship before taking things further so I guess I got kinda scared. Plus the fact we were having sex....and well the thought of being with someone thats screwing someone else on the side makes me sick. But I guess.... you know... it happens. And we weren't together and if say he did meet someone I really would have no right to say anything about it....

I guess I wanted to push it further because we were having sex. I mean I didnt want some serious thing....but I did want to have him as a bf and at least be in something monogomous. I also always have that fear in the back of my mind of getting pregnant. I know it sounds silly but I have had friends who have been super careful and they now have kids. I guess because we hadnt been dating that long it kinda freaked me out. But I don't regret what happened between us...I just wish we would have actually been in a relationship together first....

I don't want to be someone who gets pregnant and isnt even with the guy you know?

[clynn]

Well he didn't say he was dating anyone else. and well the thought of being with someone thats screwing someone else on the side makes me sick.

Perhaps before ending things . . . you could have just asked him if he was dating anyone else?

I also always have that fear in the back of my mind of getting pregnant. I know it sounds silly but I have had friends who have been super careful and they now have kids. I don't want to be someone who gets pregnant and isnt even with the guy you know?

Well, use birth control and condoms. Really, sure there is an itsy bitsy teeny weeny chance of getting pregnant. But, frankly I believe many women that get pregnant while on the pill aren't really being as diligent as they claim to be. Call me a A traitor to my gender, but...well...I am.

[Ellynn]

Perhaps before ending things . . . you could have just asked him if he was dating anyone else?

Ok, I did ask him after we first had sex, and he jokingly said....well there is Lucy. And well lucy is his cat.... So I dont think he was. I guess I was afraid of being in the situation where he did find someone else and would just go for it without confronting me. I guess I wouldn't have any rights to say anything because we weren't technically together...
Maybe I have trust issues as well because an ex of mine cheated on me as well....after being together a yr..... Posted by Ellynn


Well, use birth control and condoms. Really, sure there is an itsy bitsy teeny weeny chance of getting pregnant. But, frankly I believe many women that get pregnant while on the pill aren't really being as diligent as they claim to be. Call me a A traitor to my gender, but...well...I am.

Ok, be sure to read above....tried to answer both of your questions so I put it in bold cuz I didnt feel like retyping it all.
Well I am on birth control.......and well I heard if your over 150lbs it doesnt always work. I am a bit heavier then that...but I'm also like 5'8". As for condoms....I've already had them rip.....etc. while having sex. So I guess I just freaked out.

[Ekips]

Holy shit! That's a one in like 10 million chance! Wow. Unlucky you. As for the guy, most guys are like that. Just like school, how many friends did you have? Real friends, the ones you hanged out with everyday? About 1-4 really, right? Same thing with guys, expect to go through searching 1000 guys (or girls) and you end up with 1-4 good ones. Not always true, not saying be a whore and go out with them all, just saying, you didn't talk to EVERYONE in school did you? You just knew how people were without talking, apply the same logic in dating and it's gonna turn out good most of the time.

[Ellynn]

Yeah it seemed like it was easier when I was younger. Now guys just want to have fun.. I thought the fun would have been had by now.... I mean this guy is nearly 25...

[Tone]

Yeah I don't blame you for cutting him off. If he doesn't want a relationship right now and that's what you want, then why waste your time you could be spending meeting a guy who does want what you do.

Otherwise you just fall into the friends with benefits thing, which you said you want to avoid (good for you).

[shh!]

Cut him off. He is/was using you for sex. "Friends with benefits" is a stupid idea, and considering you like him, you will be asking for heartache.

[Lloyd95]

Cut him off. He is/was using you for sex. "Friends with benefits" is a stupid idea, and considering you like him, you will be asking for heartache.

I agree. However, she did sleep with him fairly quickly (in relation to how long they knew each other).

I fairness, don't you think that's the kind of signal she was sending out to him by doing so? C'mom ladies, we guys aren't all that smart when it comes to women, we don't know what you're thinking or feeling. If you jump into bed with us right away, what are we supposed to think? that you want a longterm relationship? that you "usually" don't sleep with guys until they're in a commited relationship?

All we're asking for aare some sings.

[shh!]

Some sings? hahaha

[Lloyd95]

Ha-ha yourself. yes, I would like my women to sing me some tunes. Anything wrong with that?

Edit post #10: Should be "signs"

[Ekips]

If you want people looking for a commited relationship. Look in a gamer forum. Trust me. The best dudes are there, no doubt about it. Videogamebuddy.com. Just avoid h2. Gamers are good people. If a guy knows about video games and comps, you know he's not an *******. (Not always, but most the time)

[shh!]

Is it just me, or was that last post funny?

[Ekips]

Wha? Are you talking about me?