Am I getting her hopes up?

[MrWhite]

So I met this gal this summer. Smoking hot right. So we go out on a couple of dates and I discover that her personality is about equivalent to... well... I can't think of a proper analogy right now. I'm not feeling any real connection with her, so I decide to call it off and just be friends and what not. Fast forward three weeks and she calls me today and wants to go to a movie. Now, I'd be going strictly as friends, but something tells me that she's thinking otherwise. I hear from friends that she's always talking about me with her mom nonestop. So I suppose the question is: Will I be sending the wrong message by going to see a movie with her tonight?

[misombra]

yes

~~~~~~

[bluesummer]

I agree with this post

[MrWhite]

Wait what? You agree with this post? Ummm, what does that mean?

[whaywardj]

It means you oughtn't do ANYthing that she could misinterpret as you being interested in something you're really not.

[clynn]

Yah, I wouldn't go out with her "just as a friend". She is expecting more.

You can either:
a) level with her, let her know that you think she is a great gal but that you just don't think it is going to work or; OR
b) ignore the phone calls and hope they go away

See, now I wouldn't even be interested in being "Friends only" with someone whose personality I don't find compelling. Sounds like even in a friend only situation that you would be bored for the evening. Time is too precious to Plan boring nights. Seems like you'd have more fun hanging out with friends, or staying at home with a movie or a book. So don't do it.
She isn't a charity case.

The only case where it would make sense in this case to remain friends is by being friends by seeing her out at parties or group events.

[carpflounder]

"So I suppose the question is: Will I be sending the wrong message by going to see a movie with her tonight?"

The answer is it doesn't matter what message you send her. There is no wrong message because this is not an issue of right and wrong. Its just dating.

When you go to see a movie with someone there is no social contract that states that you want to pursue a serious relationship-or a relationship at all- with them. If she perceives it this way, then that is her issue, but you haven't "sent her a message."

If shes smokin' hot just go out with her for sex. If she gets possessive just call her when you feel moved to, and disregard her calls.

[whaywardj]

I'd bet, carpflounder, you wiggled your way out of a lot of scrapes with your parents using the very same logic.

[misombra]

and a lot of "almost" relationships, i'm sure.

[carpflounder]

Just to clarify I do not condone being mean to people or treating them poorly. Simply put: as adults if you both have sex, and if you both get pleasure out of it...then no one is being used. If she futilely desires more than she is disallusioning herself. That is on her.

[misombra]

so having fun with a woman knowing that she feels more for you than you do for her is not being mean or treating a person poorly?

[carpflounder]

No, it is not being mean or treating a person poorly.

[Zeen]

Yep, if you go to the movies, she'll be very hopeful...

Tell her.

[MrWhite]

You guys don't even want to know how this one turned out... I AM A VERY BAD PERSON... sigh...

[clynn]

You slept with her, didn't you?
Geeze, guys are crap.