Not Sure How To Deal With This

[whitedragon20na]

Okay, I'm sure that everyone here is familiar with my situation already. It's been three weeks since I last contacted her.
In the last couple days I sat back and took the time to think about everything. I realized that it was mostly my fault.
After I got back from visiting her things just kept going downhill. I was constantly getting upset at her for very petty things, I was always arguing and fighting with her, I always was finding something to argue about, I would threaten to break up with her if she didn't do what I wanted her to. I was constantly pulling the 'poor me' act on her to make her feel bad for me because of what was going on at that time in my life, almost getting kicked out of yet another place, I would always put my problems on her and take out the stress in my life on her. She kept trying to tell me that I needed to cheer up and let the little things go instead of getting upset over them. I didn't listen to her. Basically I was controlling and manipulating her subconciously, which is what I was terribly afraid of in the first place.
Honestly, I don't blame her for what happened, I don't blame her for ending it. I promised to treat her like she desirved and to always be good to her and I didn't keep that promise. I didn't treat her like I should have.

My problem is now that I've realized all this, I really really want to send her an email or call her and tell her how sorry I am for everything. I so badly want her to know that I am very sorry for everything I did and for not being there for her when I should have.
I don't know what to do right now. I know I shouldn't contact her, but it's so tempting. Can someone please help me out with this? What should I do?

[MrWhite]

Ummm, dude, you basically have everything that we would ever say in your post. If you're looking for us to say "Do this" or "Do that." Then you're really missing the point of this forum. Look at your facts. You know what you did. You know what you did wrong. You know what your problem was. You know what your current situation is. You know what you want to do. What else is there to discuss? It sounds like you have a lot of regrets and you should just deal with them. Since you f'ed up in the past. It might help you heal better by conveying your thoughts to her. However, I would SUGGEST that you don't tell her anything if telling her sorry is to try to get her back. Learn from your mistakes. There are plenty of fish in the sea. But remember:

"True tests of inteligence is not making mistakes, it's repeating them."

[whaywardj]

White, try this idea on for a little while: She DOESN'T CARE what you have or haven't learned OR what you do or don't regret. She's just tired of dealing with you. Learn to live with that and stop beating yourself up OR trying to persuade her off her choices.

[whitedragon20na]

It's not a matter of trying to change her mind. It's a matter of the fact that I feel like I need to apologize and tell her that I really am sorry for it all so I feel better. I don't want her back, for several reasons which I won't get into right now.
I just have this feeling that I need to tell her I'm sorry to make myself feel better, just so she knows that I know what I did wrong and that way it'll help me move on faster for some reason.
I do know that she does still care about me, I know how she is and that will never change. Remember, I haven't talked to her in a while now.
There's no way I can call her, that would just hurt me more. I guess what I'm asking is should I tell her this somehow, like email or whatever?
There's a reason I came here before acting on anything.

[whaywardj]

I believe you're trying to bullshit either yourself or us. IMHO, "this feeling" you have has a back-end to it that reeks of manipulation. You're couching it in self-reflective terms to try to mask the fact that you want her to acknowledge you. Why do you have such a problem leaving her alone? She doesn't care. It doesn't matter to her what you do or don't need to get through whatever. Your not her problem anymore. The sooner you accept that idea, the better off you'll be. The more you don't, the worse things will become.

[whitedragon20na]

Okay, not exactly the way I was looking for the answer, but that is what I wanted, an answer. Thank you, I'm not going to say a word to her or send her anything.
That was a little harsh, but yea, I got the message. Which is again, why I came here first.

[whaywardj]

I think you know I don't don't mean you any ill will, man, or intend to disrespect you any way. It's just that I kinda KNOW what you're going through, have followed most of your previous posts (even made fun of a few!), and am 100% convinced the BEST thing you can do for YOURSELF is to accept the idea she's just tired of dealing with your processes and doesn't want to hear or even know about them anymore. Let it go at that. And let go of the hope you won't have to let go. You do. For your own well-being.

[whitedragon20na]

No disrespect taken, and you've helped me with this a lot along with Tone and a few others. At least I showed enough control to actually come here and ask about it first, instead of acting then asking it what I did was wrong.

[Aaron Blanc]

Well.. the facts remain... YOU.. really want to talk to her and tell her how you feel... SHE really could care less, and wants nothing to do with you ever again...

Solution: Call her up, not having as you main objective to get back together with her, or even make things better... just call her up to let her know how you feel... and degrade yourself... big time... let her know that YOU know how much of a jackass you were...
The conversation should start off something like this... "Look.. you never have to speak to me again, and I won't blame you if you don't... at this point... if I was someone else.. I wouldn't wanna talk to me either..." (You'd have my ears if I was your Ex)... Anyway... the main point is... to bash yourself while talking to her... be brutal... Let it be known that EVERYTHING that happened was your fault... and that she ALWAYS put up with it and stood by you... This will simply make you look like sh*t... and make her feel like you understand that... Plus...!!! She will love the fact that you're just calling to let her know... and that you're not calling just to say all that... so you can hook back up with her... After you're done talking... a million things will be going through her head... Primarily "Did he say that so we can get back together?" ... but.. you just covered your tracks... YOU wouldn't have mentioned anything like... "I miss you, I can't live without you, I want us to get back together, We sould have sex one last time"... anything of that nature...
This is great... because now... she will have no major feelings of hate and disgust towards you... and maybe... just maybe... she might call you back... and who knows???

[Tone]

whew glad Hayward got to this while I was out!

White - if you could see me I'd be shaking my head at you right now. First of all, I swear I've read, on more than one occasion too, you had e-mailed her or told her in some form already that you know it was your fault and apologized... How is this ANY different?! Now - if by some chance I'm wrong and you haven't - don't think of this as a way we're going to say "Oh Okay then, e-mail her" cause for the exact reasons Hayward mentioned - it's only going to make things worse and make you seem even more desperate, pathetic, clingy, etc...

So just let

her

go.

How is things goin with that new girl you took out!? Whatever you do - you have to not contact her ever and move on. Keep yourself busy with other things, keep yourself around friends and this new girl. Don't give yourself a lot of time to just sit around and think and get back into your self-pity party - we've already had more than enough of those.

So don't listen to the newbies here!!! They don't know your situation like Hayward and I do, unless they read all 9 pages of your other threads of us slappin you around a bit tryin to knock the sense in ;p

[whaywardj]

No disrespect taken, and you've helped me with this a lot along with Tone and a few others. At least I showed enough control to actually come here and ask about it first, instead of acting then asking it what I did was wrong.

LOL! Yeah. This is true. Gold stars to you.

[whaywardj]

So don't listen to the newbies here!!! They don't know your situation like Hayward and I do, unless they read all 9 pages of your other threads of us slappin you around a bit tryin to knock the sense in ;p

Hey! Yeah. Forgot about the sheer VOLUME of information I absorbed around what had a simple answer. Where's my friggin' check, White?

[MrWhite]

Now, wait a second, what's all this hater talk being refered to me for? I'm not the one with the problem! It's Whitedragon! I'm post 2! I suggested that he doesn't talk to her and learn from his mistakes! Sheesh! My other point, was, he's obviously here cause he wants us to tell him what to do. Being a newbie to this forum, I have no idea what this guys history is, I'm only going on what he has posted in this thread. Personnaly speaking I feel people shouldn't be telling each other what to do or what not. He has to make the decision for himself.... You know what... I'm done... Screw this thread.

[whaywardj]

Now, wait a second, what's all this hater talk being refered to me for? I'm not the one with the problem! It's Whitedragon! I'm post 2! I suggested that he doesn't talk to her and learn from his mistakes! Sheesh! My other point, was, he's obviously here cause he wants us to tell him what to do. Being a newbie to this forum, I have no idea what this guys history is, I'm only going on what he has posted in this thread. Personnaly speaking I feel people shouldn't be telling each other what to do or what not. He has to make the decision for himself.... You know what... I'm done... Screw this thread.

Oversight. Chill. Didn't realize using "White" to avoid having to type "Whitedragon" would get your feathers all ruffled. Thought you'd have the wherewithal to read things in context.

[MrWhite]

HAHAHA Ohhh!!! Ah shit... Now, I look like a dumbass. Well, I retract my comments and bow before the god that you are hayward. Clearly a misunderstanding! Need a aplogize more?