Just out of reach, I need advice.

[Zekk_T_Strife]

I'm an 18 year old guy in Indiana. Over the years I've been through a lot of pain and battled with MPD (Multiple Personality Disorder) and Bipolar disorder. Needless to say it's hard to find a girl when things inside your own head aren't really working right. I've been rejected countless times and it never gets easier. I'm not unattractive I don't think, and for the most part I act normal, my disorders haven't made me creepy or anything. But it's very hard to find a girl who understands me and accepts ALL of me. But I have found one.

Her name is Karli and I've known her for almost 5 years. She's the best friend I've ever had and we're inseperable. We both openly love each other and look out for one anothers happiness. Unfortunately I've made my usual foolish error of completely falling for her. :? She knows I love her but she doesn't really know how IN love with her I've become. It's come to the point where whenever I'm depressed or really down, hearing her voice over the phone brings my spirits up entirely. I've thought about talking with her about it but I don't want to over-complicate her life or make her uncomfortable. All I really want is for her unconditional happiness, whatever that may include. I know she's mentioned staying at my new apartment all the time when we go to college. And shes even told me that she wants to get our own place for our sophomore year of college, but I'm not sure if I'm more of a brother to her or what. I just have a lot of love in me right now, and she's the source of it all. It's 5 AM right now and I've been looking at all of your posts hoping to find an answer to the yearn inside my heart. I need help if anyone can give it.

She's an incredibly desirable person which makes it difficult and I want to be sure she knows how I feel before college when there might be a lot more better guys she can meet so she'll have all the options she wants. I would die for this girls happiness, if I only knew how.

Please help.

[Illusional]

besides the mutliple personality portion of your life, i can completely understand where you are comming from. there is this girl who i call "my dream" well li have become the closest person to her, reguardless if i talk to her daily or once every few months. well, up until the beginning of the past year, i never expressed how much i wanted to be with her. i have taken the time to really get to know her because that is what she wanted in a person and when i actually expressed how i felt for her, she felt that she had known me too good and we were only friends. there was nothing more and it didn't help that she was still hung over her ex for the past about 6 years or so, given they have the on off type of relationship.

now you know the two ways that your decision of telling her how you feel can go. are you ready to take that step and take a chance on what can actually happen? you know that this can either end in total bliss or total heartache. ultimately this will come down to your decision because honestly, i can tell you what to do because i hardly know how the two of you interact. there are the those times that i feel, yes, she might be inerested in me, only to later found out that i'm more of a friend. maybe i have looked at things from the wrong persective, but overall, you are going to have to take a step aside and think about this.

personally i would think that you're better off telling her how you feel. would the two of you still be as close as you are now if you told her how you felt? if so then i would build up the courage and tell her how you feel because this seems to be eating you away. raverboy

[Zekk_T_Strife]

Thanks for your advice Illusional. I suppose you're right. I've only talked semi-about this once before and she expressed how friends was all she wanted. But its hard to accept when I have so much on my end. I realize I should probably tell her how I feel and it's hard to work up to it. And I still don't know [i:5d8ac3da00]when[/i:5d8ac3da00] I should bring it up. She called me this afternoon telling me that she's now "official" with this new guy she's been seeing. Which confuses me because she doesn't really like him and he treats her very badly. Half of my nights I spend trying to console her and trying to get her to stop crying. She's still confused about something about it but it's hard to get it out of her. I also want to tell her than the kind of situation she's in with him is a bad one. She knows that but I don't think she knows she has other options. I hate to get on here and sound so needy, but I need just a little more help. When and where should I tell her all of what I feel, and how do I tell her how I want her to be happier than what this guy is giving her?

Thank you so very much for your time and your help.

[Killerbabe]

I don't really know, if I could help, but here's my two cents:

First of all, do you think she notices that you love her...no, that you're IN love? It might be obvious and she might even know already(and that expalins why she's proposing to share the apt. or whatever)(like why would she wanna share it with you, would she be comfortable with having you around there all the time, if she's with her bf, for instance?)...on the other hand, she might not notice anything big time.
I don't really know whether it'd be better if you told her now, then rather leave it for later...but one thing i know for sure...things like that shouldn't be talked over the phone...to tell someone bout your feeling you have to see that person face-to-face, maybe you wouldn't even have to say anything in the first place...just kiss her. Anything would do- a meaningful gaze, a tender touch...and then, you might wait for the reaction and if she's Ok with that, then you can tell her...and who knows, maybe she feels that same way about you...

[Zekk_T_Strife]

Thanks. I know I need to do it in person. I'm very comfortable around her and I know that if I can just build the courage to tell her then I can get it all out once I begin. I'll take your advice about maybe giving her the chance to react and see if she feels similarly. I don't think I've really expressed that I'm IN love with her, but I've expressed to her very often how much I care about her and how much she means to me. I guess I'll just wait til the right moment and see what happens. I'm really thankful for your support, I can keep you updated if you like. Ever hopeful and resilient, all I want is her to reach her heaven on Earth.

Thanks again.

[Killerbabe]

Sure, keep us updated! Don't know bout the rest, but I'm really curious!

[Illusional]

i feel that because she is confused about the other person in her life, maybe you should wait on telling her how you feel. by adding more emotion to her life, might cause more conflict right now and that isn't what she needs. let her know that you'll be there for her whenever she needs you. i think by showing support, she might realize how good of a friend you are and confide in you better.

about when to confess your feelings? the first chance you get. jump upon the bus and make your move because i would rather get it over with, rather than wait.

i think that maybe you should take her out to dinner as friends. spend a little cash on her to make her feel special then go somewhere quiet and just have one of those long converstations with her. preferablly not someones house because those silent moments are hard to deal with. maybe a park or beach where the two of you can see the sky. i think that usually works pretty good. raverboy

[Zekk_T_Strife]

Thanks, I haven't been able to get ahold of her these past few days so I haven't gotten it out there yet, but your advice REALLY helps. I know she already really trusts me and I know that I'm the only person she comes to when she's really upset. I feel so much like she's my soulmate, it's like I said, she's a part of me. Your suggestions on atmosphere are really great and I'll try to create that kind of mood. Thanks a lot again you guys, it really means a lot to me to have so much support. I'll keep you updated when I finally am able to talk with her.

[Zekk_T_Strife]

Alright, I spoke with her on the phone tonight and I told her there was something I needed to talk to her about. I told her that I wanted to do it in person and she was like, "Ok, we can get together Tuesday or Wednesday." So it looks like I'll know in a few days what she thinks. This should be perfect because the guy she's seeing right now is leaving tomorrow for five days so she'll have a chance to mull it over in her mind without having to think about him for a while. Thanks for your support, I'll have more news for you all in a couple days here.

[Killerbabe]

Ok, make sure you don't put on too much cologne...clean socks, nice hair, don't forget to take a shower, um...don't mind me

[Zekk_T_Strife]

Ok, I went out with her tonight. I couldn't say it, and I'm not going to be able to. She just started talking about the guy she's seeing now and she seems genuinely happy with him. I'm not about to ruin anything that makes her happy because that is all I care about. So once again I've failed and I'm giving up on finding anything that brings me joy. I thank you all for your support but it really does look like I'm just here to make others happy. I'm sorry for wasting your time on a lost cause.

[Illusional]

well this is something that you're just going to have to deal with. honestly these kinda things don't happen over night. it will take time and i'm sure that you're willing to wait. however, don't make her your only option. keep an open mind and when the roads lead back to this point again, maybe you'll be ready for it in the second come around. raverboy

[Killerbabe]

Somehow, this reminds me of "Friends", though
Each of you is gonna have like 3 partners at least before you realize that you love each other... :roll:

[Zekk_T_Strife]

That would be very nice if that's how it will end up Killerbabe.