Changing a guy...

[MissK]

Ok here is my question:

I know its stereotypical for many young guys to be all into sex and not much else. If you have it from several sources that a guy has slept around a lot and has even cheated on his girlfriend how easy is it for him to change. There are so many danger signs flashing but I cant understand why I'm still interested, it's sort of addictive.
The guy in question has loved his partying lifestlye too much and hasnt given a serious relationship a chance before. Is it possible for me to change it given that he has been flirting with me?
I get that obviously only the person can change themselves but is it possible for anyone to influence them in hope that they may in turn change? If so, how?

I hope that made sense :-)

[Zeen]

Sounds like a warning sign, clearly. But I know quite a few girls who only go for "bad boys" and can't stand the idea of going out with "nice guys", as they find them all too boring. Depends on how mature he is. How old are you both? Some people who sleep around get bored and suddenly feel like committing to someone, while some never change. Difficult to say, really. What do you really want? I suppose the attraction is to be the one that makes a difference...?

[MissK]

He is 22 and I am 18. I'm not as sexually experienced as the other women he has slept with - in fact I am a virgin and he knows that. I always thought I would like just the nice guys not the 'bad boy' but he is definitely one of those. I really like him and have done for a long time now. I'm so confused, I dont know that if I make him wait etc when we finally do get together he'll respect me for it or just think that I'm yet another one that he has wanted and has got so to speak. I dont want to be used... It's really impossible to know if he'll be different with me. He hasnt truly committed to anyone in the past so why should he me? I was hoping that maybe he'll be different with me. Is it wishful thinking?

[Zeen]

If your first time means a lot to you, and I assume it does, don't give it to him too easily. See if you can get to know him a little first, without having to sleep with him. If he's not interested unless you have sex, then you know what's in store, don't you. See if you can get him interested without, then decide what you feel and what you'll want to do. There's still no guarantee that he won't hurt you. You want him to respect you for who YOU are, not for being just another one to jump the hay.

[NeoSeminole]

Let this be a lesson to all you guys out there. Girls don't like nice guys.

[wishiwassocial]

Now you made me get an 80s haircut. very punkish. isn't that bad-ass-ish?

[lilwing89]

He is 22 and I am 18. I'm not as sexually experienced as the other women he has slept with - in fact I am a virgin and he knows that. I always thought I would like just the nice guys not the 'bad boy' but he is definitely one of those. I really like him and have done for a long time now. I'm so confused, I dont know that if I make him wait etc when we finally do get together he'll respect me for it or just think that I'm yet another one that he has wanted and has got so to speak. I dont want to be used... It's really impossible to know if he'll be different with me. He hasnt truly committed to anyone in the past so why should he me? I was hoping that maybe he'll be different with me. Is it wishful thinking?

Then don't go for him.

He will prolly use you. Or cheat on you. And lie to you. You said that he has never committed to anyone in the past. What makes you think he will commit to you?? your not even sure, so that prolly means he wont.

Find a nice guy for yourself, instead of slaving around this one, I am telling you now, he isn't a nice guy.

It is very wishful thinking, if he asks you out or anything, tell him that you don't want to be used or cheated on or any of that so you dont think he is the man for you...and then he will either say your wrong or that he will change, or he will say **** you if he was just going to use/play you, and he will stay friends if he wants to be with you.
Hope this helps

[Tone]

Keep your guard up darlin... being a virgin means he'll probably try even harder. I would say your best bet is to wait to meet someone who doesn't have this kind of lifestyle... it's very very unlikely you can make him change... and why you would even be attracted to a guy like this is beyond me.

[Steve2004]

agreed with the above post.

but if you feel the need to you know...take the tumble with him...

make sure he's tested..boys that sleep around like that have cooties.

[Junket]

Now you made me get an 80s haircut. very punkish. isn't that bad-ass-ish?

Sounds like you're trying too hard to look like a badass.

By the way, post a picture of this haircut, I'm curious now.

[MissK]

Thank you guys for the replies.
So true Tone, Its beyond even me why I'm attracted to him! lol, I can see all the bad points and fewer positive points but I'm still interested. I really think virginity is special and I think I know deep down that I wont ever change him. I've just been keeping my distance from him the last few days, he still flirts but I'm trying not to reciprocate.
Though if it keeps up and I stay single for a while and considered it I would have to have a chat with him and tell him what you suggested lilwing, if he doesnt understand I know for sure he isnt worth it.
Why some guys (well I should say most) are like this I'll never understand...

[clynn]

Well, I was with my boyfriend for a year and a half before we had sex together. That was my first time.

I don't know how long you want to wait. I didn't have it cut out in time, but it took me a long time before I felt ready and willing to go the distance.

So, really, don't lose it to him too quickly. If you want him to be the one, take your time and if he waits around then he is definitely interested in more than just sex with you.

[Only-virgins]

Ok here is my question:

I know its stereotypical for many young guys to be all into sex and not much else. If you have it from several sources that a guy has slept around a lot and has even cheated on his girlfriend how easy is it for him to change. There are so many danger signs flashing but I cant understand why I'm still interested, it's sort of addictive.
The guy in question has loved his partying lifestlye too much and hasnt given a serious relationship a chance before. Is it possible for me to change it given that he has been flirting with me?
I get that obviously only the person can change themselves but is it possible for anyone to influence them in hope that they may in turn change? If so, how?

I hope that made sense :-)

Hahahahaha...no...no you can't change him and believing that you can makes you fall for his trap. Man, I gotta give this guy credit who ever he is..chicks know hes a player yet still want to be with him....guys got some kind of skill.

[misombra]

no, no, and no.

[MissK]

I know, he's obviously very skilled at using girls. I think I have my answer, all your opinions have sort of just confirmed it for me. He's probably not someone I need in my life, but it's so hard to find the 'right' one... I'll just have to keep looking.