EX stuff

[chris1114]

Okay so me and my ex brokeup about 7 months ago ...we were both young and we got along very good for the most part but i wasn't there all the time for her and she wanted to see what else was out there. She ended up hurting me pretty bad but still wouldn't stop talking to me. She dated some other guy who ended up using her and then hurting her really bad.

Now about a week ago she told me she wants to try again..and i agreed because i realized alot of the problems we had and none of them seem relevant anymore because of how i changed. So we get together on a saturday and spend the whole day together we talk for hours and hours about our lives and our relationship , we flirt and what not and end up fallign asleep on my couch together. We said we were going to take it slow so i didn't kiss her or anything just a hug at the end of the night. Now we meet again on tuesday and this time she totally isn't into me for many hours til i finally sit down and we talk. She then tells me how she is so confused and hurt and doesn't know what she wants. I understand this and i ask her why she told me she wanted to get back together she says she did want too and she still likes me she is just so hhurt and confused right now. She doesn't trust anyone right now and i told her how i felt about her but i don't know if she believed me. Well somehow after all these talks we ended up naked on my couch kind of fooling around. I then asked her if she wanted to move to my bed and she said she did she just knows this will confuse things ...i told her we don't have to do anything but she doesn';t stop. She kept telling me how she is so confused so i finally stopped it and told her that i don't want to do anything unless you want to and your heart is there. I then drove her home at which point i told her to take her time and when she knows what she wants to talk to me until then i won't bother her. She knows i can't just be her friend i told her she is either with me or she has to be outta of my life because it just hurts me too bad. However she says she needs me in her life and she can't see me with anyone else but her. But she feels she wants to be single or maybe she is just not ready.

So here is my question ....is she just screwing me around to make herself feel better because of what this guy did to her? I mean i never really did anything to hurt her and i told her how much i love her and she means to me. So what should i do??

[NeoSeminole]

My advice is stay away from her. I used to be in the exact situation you are in now. After I broke up with my ex, I tried to get back together with her. She lead me on until she found a replacement for me. Basically, she kept me as a back-up. I felt used and hurt. She told me the same things like "oh, I'm just so confused" and "I don't know what I want right now." Don't wait around for this girl to make up her mind b/c you will only get hurt. Trust me.

[whaywardj]

As you describe it, she sounds sincere enough. I've been through similar circumstances more than once or twice and they've gone both ways; it's either worked out for the good, or it hasn't. These days, I try to keep in mind that some women really do go through periods of indecision and serious self-evaluation to try and do the right thing by themselves and by others. It's annoying as hell for us guys who, generally, are a little more decisive. But, sometimes, it comes with the lady and, if you really want her, you gotta want all of her. I'd give her the benefit of doubt on this one.

[chris1114]

Believe me I really really love her and do want her. I understand her problems and am willing to wait for her. But im just afraid she will decide what she wants is not me ...and after ive already put all my feelings into her again just to get hurt some more. I guess ill just give her sometime and see what she decides

[wwefan300]

She then tells me how she is so confused and hurt and doesn't know what she wants. I understand this and i ask her why she told me she wanted to get back together she says she did want too and she still likes me she is just so hhurt and confused right now.

I see what she's going through basically we all know she got hurt. But you got to support her and help her out. That's all i can say to help you.

[chris1114]

Yeah i know this and i told her i would be there to support her through all of this. Its just the thing is ...i can be her friend but i will always have these feelings so if she doesn't end up wantin to get back together i dont' think i can be her friend than....

[NeoSeminole]

I believe you do love her, but that is your problem. You are thinking with your heart instead of your brain. Be smart. This girl had plenty of time to decide if she wants to be with you BEFORE she told you she wanted to try again. Why is she confused all of a sudden? It seems to me like she is using you until she finds another guy. Then she'll break your heart. I've seen it happen too many times. You are emotionally vulnerable right now so you are willing to do anything. Stay away from her b/c you will get hurt. Please keep us updated.

[whaywardj]

Yeah. I agree with Neo, more or less. What feelings you decide to invest in her while she's going through whatever is you YOUR business, not hers. I wouldn't, necessarily, stay away from her. I'd just be deliberate about what I DID invest and remember that just because I do "A" in no way means she has to -- or even should -- do "B" in response. Have the strength of character to be your own person and let her be her own person. That's what you want, after all, isn't it? Someone who genuinely wants you, right?

[chris1114]

Well she just got out of this other relationship with the other guy not to long ago ...but the whole time she was with him she kept in contact with me..yes its pretty confusing. I have decided im just not going to worry about and just see what happens...if its sopposed to work out i guess it will...

[whaywardj]

Oh, yes. Eventually, we all get to "what will be, will be."

That's, usually, when something totally unexpected happens.

[Asip4u]

Sounds like you are a little toy she likes to play with. I like the fact you told her that it's either all or nothing, otherwise it's going to keep going and you'll feel even worse.

[NeoSeminole]

I'm curious to hear what happened

[Ellynn]

So she was with you.....and wanted to explore other possibilities and the two of you broke up right? Then she met this other guy.....dated him.....got used by him....and then got dumped. So she comes running back to you(probably on rebound) and acts like she wants to get back together. Then she tells you she is confused.......and yet wants to sleep with you?

Honestly I think shes rebounding off of this other guy and going back to you only because she feels its "safe". But then she probably realized that she wasn't as into you as she thought so there is where the confusion comes into play. She probably thought by sleeping with you....her feelings might change.... But the fact is she probably isn't all that into you.
Or....she honestly could be into you ....but the last guy probably messed her up so much that she doesn't want to deal with a relationship right now. (I can relate). Its good shes honest with you....but bad that she leads you on.

You did the right thing by not taking advantage of the situation(her wanting to have sex) and by telling her to contact you when she had things figured out. Thats probably the best thing. I know how its hard to be friends with ex's. It hurts too much sometimes. But you have to do what you feel is the right thing. And I have a feeling that distance between the two of you for now....is the right thing.

[MajorGlory]

Bud Im sorry for you but youve to look at it this simple way.. is this girl good for you? is she making you happy and serene or messed up and suffering?
Be smart mate and stay away from pain.. shes either deliberately using you or a f'ucked up girl who will always make you feel a leaf in the wind.
do the best thing and stay away from her.. goodluck