I Want to leave my husband, we have a baby

[newmum]

although i am married with a baby, i am only 20, my husband is 21, we rushed into our relationship, we were together for 3 months then got engaged, 4 months later i got pregnant, 6 months later we got married, now we have a 12 week old baby.

when we first got engaged, i had little doubts whether i loved him or not but i just ignored them, i thought i was just having crazy thoughts and didnt want to face up to them.

now i know for sure, i am no longer in love with my husband, i dont fany him and more, i dont even like him kissing me or touching me.

he has done nothing wrong, he probably couldnt be nicer to me or do more for me, i have just lost all feeling for him completely.

i love my new baby more than anything in the world and am generally quite happy (apart from the issue of the unwanted husband!)

should i stay with a man i dont love for the sake of our baby having a proper family or be selfish and put my happiness first?

My husband asks me all the time if i still love him and fancy him and i always say yes of course i do, but i dont mean it, i just dont have the heart to tell him the truth, he would be heart broken but at the same time i know he deserves the truth, he doesnt deserve to be lied to like this, i hate myself for feeling like this and i hate what this will do to him if we split but i cant help the way i feel.

any advice at all will be very much appreciated.

[boobaa]

haha.

No advice, s0rry.

[TAVS]

Wow. That sucks. Normally I would say, Try to work it out for the baby's sake. However, if you're only 20, you've got a whole lot of life to live. Man, that sucks. I'd start by telling him there are problems. Maybe if he's aware, the two of you can rekindle something. At least give it a shot with both sides aware of the problem. If you can't make things work, then I guess you have to move on. Man, what a bummer.

[boobaa]

Thats feminine, when woman gets a baby, then he don't love a man anymore. Nature understands it and thats why all males try to kill their children, males are sensitive and they want love, women don't. Women just use men.

[Only-virgins]

Leave if you want. I for one would never date a girl with extra baggage like a kid...just keep that in mind when you look for other guys.

[Sami09]

thats not cool saying that you wouldnt date a girl with extra baggage sometimes things dont work out and its totally sad. Doesnt mean guys something date a girl that have a kid.

QUOTE=Only-virgins]Leave if you want. I for one would never date a girl with extra baggage like a kid...just keep that in mind when you look for other guys.[/QUOTE]

[Only-virgins]

thats not cool saying that you wouldnt date a girl with extra baggage sometimes things dont work out and its totally sad.

Do you think I am the type of person who follows on what people say is "cool" or not?. I dont give a damn..my Gf will have no kid with someone else or she will not be my GF. It is biologically un-productive for me to take care of someone elses kid...Im here to spread my genes...you can go to hell with yours.

Doesnt mean guys something date a girl that have a kid.

I have no idea what that says.

[Sami09]

the reason i said that was because just recently my cousin had a kid she is still young 23 and she not with the guy anymore they dated for like 5yrs. I am just saying sometimes things dont work out the way you want them too. Its up to you if you dont want to date a girl cause of her past even if she a great person there is for sure baggage that comes along with it.
all my other cousins are marriage before have a kid

Do you think I am the type of person who follows on what people say is "cool" or not?. I dont give a damn..my Gf will have no kid with someone else or she will not be my GF. It is biologically un-productive for me to take care of someone elses kid...Im here to spread my genes...you can go to hell with yours.



I have no idea what that says.

[Only-virgins]

the reason i said that was because just recently my cousin had a kid she is still young 23 and she not with the guy anymore they dated for like 5yrs. I am just saying sometimes things dont work out the way you want them too. Its up to you if you dont want to date a girl cause of her past even if she a great person there is for sure baggage that comes along with it.
all my other cousins are marriage before have a kid

At least I see why you are so defensive. There isnt always baggage...accept apparently when dealing with your family. The answer is simple though. Its not that things dont work out the way they are planned but rather 23 is no age for children...hell no. there is no plan...its your cousins fault and definilty not my problem. There is plunty of girls who are a "great person" and I am sure not all of them have kids.

[Steve2004]

...i'm still trying to figure out why you got engaged with, had a baby with, and married a guy you've been questioning your feelings for the entire time.

That took an uncomfortably long time for you to finally notice that you dont love your husband.

I have no advice. ?

[Illusional]

whoa... as i look at this thread i realize that we do have a lot of dickheads on this site, me being one of them. however, recently a lot of people that i know have been having personal problems with either their bf/gf, husband/wife, whatever the situation is.

my only advice that i can give you to amend this would be to tell him the truth. why let something drag on when it will only have the same ending? it's better to end it now and start to rebuild your lives and move on from this. it sucks that you both had the child, but i'm not gonna lecture on that part, you know that you made that mistake already.

raverboy

[NeoSeminole]

I hope you divorce your husband and he gets custody of the child. That will teach you a lesson.

[Mountain Man]

newmum,
I am 34 and have made quite a mess of my own relationships (see my thread dated today). For what it's worth, don't make the same mistakes I made.

If you can find any room in your head or heart to go to therapy (preferably with your husband) then do so. If there is no way you can ever love him again...you need to be honest now, don't let the guilt outweigh the honesty. Someday, not soon though, he will be in a place to thank you for that honesty.

Nevermind the idiotic comments about guys not dating girls that have kids. There are plenty of us out there that can offer unconditional love to children...in some cases it's a chance to better the life of a child.

[Girlie19]

Tell him the truth and try to work it out together. You're young, you've got a whole life to live. What if you stick with him, but keep feeling the way you do? It won't get easier, you'll get more and more regrets I think.. "What if I left back then?". Like Illusional says, you can quit now and rebuild your life.
And yes, I think there'll be lots who won't mind the child. OV's just expressing his opinion, not the whole worlds.

I'm only 19, and luckily not having to face a bigger problem yet than should I ask "him" on a date, but have my opinion anyway ^^

[mini696]

I am dating a girl who has a 3yo child. Just thought I'd say that.

You need to tell him the truth, and not be such a skirt. Get some guts and tell him what he does wrong, and why you feel the way you do.

You just had a kid, no wonder you dont like him , think of all the pain he put you through. I think you are being selfish, because you havent stated anything he is doing wrong.

Mick