My ex contacted me after a year of no contact

[DrAbe]

I was friends with my ex for a good 2 years before we started dating. We finally go together and dated for almost 2 years. We both worked together and and I was promoted to be in the same department as her....right after I was promoted she dumped me and started dating someone else from that department...needless to say it was horrific for me...so much to the point where I had to take a demotion at work and go back to my regular job just to keep my sanity.

Things got pretty ugly from there...I had stopped talking to her and one of our mutual friends also stopped talking to her...4 months after the break up she contacted me because this mutual friend was moving and she had asked me to help her move out...which I agreed to...my ex was pissed because our friend had told her that she didn't want her to help with the move because I was helping...so my ex contacted me about that...saying that she wanted to be friends but I believe it was just to appease our mutual friend...long story short we ended up fighting after we spoke again...and she grew even angrier with me because our mutual friend now disliked her because of the way she treated me and went about dumping me..

Fast forward a year later...I haven't spoken to her in over a year...we still work at the same place but its a very large buidling and I've haven't even seen her in that years time. In that time I've been dating a girl for a year...2 weeks ago her and I go on a "break" because things aren't working out.

Yesterday my ex...the one from before sends me a text saying that she knows we haven't spoken in awhile...but she heard I was leaving. I reply back that I am in fact quitting and she starts to tell me about how important I was to her and that she's sad because she was thinking about all the good times we had together....she tells me how good I was too her and it was all unconditional...I am the one that made her realize how good things can be with someone and she wished things hadn't ended the way they did. Someone told her about the party they are having for me and she asked if it would be ok if she went...which I also agreed to.

Am I stupid? I mean I am over her for the most part...but what is she doing this for...its got me very confused

[Jsnowman]

Doc, hard to say why. I don't think it was wrong for you to say it's ok for her to attend ............as long as you are over her. Is she still seeing that same guy? Probably not. Her love life may be on the rocks so she thought she would contact an old flame? Who knows.

I don't think it's too important to worry about why. Who cares...right? Good luck.

[DrAbe]

As far as I know she's still seeing the same guy...yesterday we just exchanged text messages for about 4 hours...catching up basically...nothing came up about me having a girlfriend or her having a boyfriend.

And yes I am over her....however would I attempt to date her again...I think I would. I'm still not sure

[PIZZ]

I think she might have realized, like alot of people sometimes do, that the grass isnt always greener on the other side. A girl will always think back to her ex when her current relationship is not going well... especially if she did the dumping and you both left it on nice terms....

[DrAbe]

I think she might have realized, like alot of people sometimes do, that the grass isnt always greener on the other side. A girl will always think back to her ex when her current relationship is not going well... especially if she did the dumping and you both left it on nice terms....

well she did the dumping but nothing was left on nice terms. It was an extremely ugly break up...mostly my fault because I refused to give up and instead of just doing the whole no contact thing I continued to try to make things work out when she wanted nothing to do with it.

[misombra]

she's taking lessons away from your relationship. she's letting it go which is very joyful and upsetting at the same time. she doesn't want anything from you then for you to be happy. away from her.

[DrAbe]

she's taking lessons away from your relationship. she's letting it go which is very joyful and upsetting at the same time. she doesn't want anything from you then for you to be happy. away from her.

well if thats what she wants i'm ok with that...however when her and i spoke before...about a year ago we went over all this..that she learned alot from me and this and that....i said goodbye to her a year ago...and now she is bringing it all back into the picture again.

[TAVS]

Well you've been single for two weeks now. Sounds like its time for some action. Hit it and quit it.

[PIZZ]

Well you've been single for two weeks now. Sounds like its time for some action. Hit it and quit it.

LOL! I'd say the same thing but it seems to me she is realizing that maybe she misses you and the relationship you guys had and is wanting to try and rekindle something with you but because she dumped you , it's hard for her to just come out and say it. Maybe you should ease into it. The ball is in your court now dude. I'd say to let her keep missing you. Work it slowley....

[DrAbe]

LOL! I'd say the same thing but it seems to me she is realizing that maybe she misses you and the relationship you guys had and is wanting to try and rekindle something with you but because she dumped you , it's hard for her to just come out and say it. Maybe you should ease into it. The ball is in your court now dude. I'd say to let her keep missing you. Work it slowley....

I'm going to go ahead and see her friday at my party...I was having a lot of second thoughts about it but I think its the right thing to do.

[what_now]

I think it'll be a good test for you to see her. I know when my ex and I broke up, we dated for almost two years too but ended pretty badly. But she was my first serious relationship and love, so even after a year or two passed by, I'd still occasionally think about her. We agreed to meet up for dinner one day and I (like you) was getting kind of apprehensive. I wasn't sure how I'd react to seeing her after so long. I was honestly a little scared of what I might feel if I saw her again. Turns out I'm really glad we had dinner, cause the dinner made me realize I had completely moved on. My point being, I think seeing her will be a good gauge of your feelings towards her. There's a chance you might start to feel something, but you can deal with it then. Or you might be like me, and realize what's gone is gone and appreciate the relationship for what it was.

[cmacattack1]

There's always a reason, an ulterior motive behind these kinds of actions. If she was over and done with you completely, you wouldn't hear from her, plain and simple. She wants something, disguising it as "wanting to be a friend". She wants you to reassure her that you are still there and that you still want her, maybe for an ego boost? Maybe things aren't working and she is looking back? It could be a number of reasons, but the fact of the matter is that all of those reasons are in HER OWN self interest. It's not really about you and what you want. Just keep that in mind

You said you would already date her again. Are you really past this and not falling into the trap of idolizing the past like she is doing right now? Proceed with caution and keep her at an arm's length. Wouldn't you be a bit suspicious if your girlfriend was texting her ex from before and talking for hours just "catching up"? Five bucks says that her current boyfriend doesn't know. Seems fishy to me.

[Jessie2]

Date her again! I can tell you now she is single at present and looking for anyone to fill the gap. You must have a soft spot she picked up and will use it again and again to your disadvantage....move on

[madmike]

[QUOTE=cmacattack1;597934]There's always a reason, an ulterior motive behind these kinds of actions. If she was over and done with you completely, you wouldn't hear from her, plain and simple. She wants something, disguising it as "wanting to be a friend". She wants you to reassure her that you are still there and that you still want her, maybe for an ego boost? Maybe things aren't working and she is looking back? It could be a number of reasons, but the fact of the matter is that all of those reasons are in HER OWN self interest. It's not really about you and what you want. Just keep that in mind

I totally agree,I say if there is even a slight chance of you falling for her again(and you really don't want to) then keep your distance.I am 37 years old and have been in quite a few "relationships" and the one thing i can say fro sure is that most people are self-serving.I'm sure she still cares about you but most people are looking out fro #1...Just keep your head man..good luck

[Teddy057]

I agree with mike and cmac, she only has her own interests in mind. Not yours. If you touch a burning hot stove once, and burn the shit out of your hand, would you do it again? Hopefully not, hopefully you would have learned