Still feeling bad hes going to jail....why?

[lovemuffin]

Hi all. I haven't been here in a while but lately started feeling you badly again for the guy and I don't understand why. I know intellectually he has in a career criminal all his life and he took my car for more than 12 hours... sometimes I think he was either testing me to see if I would call the police on him or wanted to go back to jail for some reason... maybe he finds that easier than working / taking responsibility for his life?

Just so strange I don't understand my own mind and how I find myself feeling bad sometimes. He would have me believe and I'm sure he tells others he's in jail because of me... well is it really because of me? He took my car which one he had done it one other time but came back quickly I was pissed and told him to never take it without my permission again. Even if it was determined it was unauthorized use versus solen that comes with these penalties in my state:

30 days (minimum) up to 2 years in jail*
$500 fine (minimum) up to $5,000 fine
1 year license loss (mandatory) up to 3 years license loss
* A subsequent conviction for this offense is a felony, and carries up to 5 years in state prison.

Maybe I'm answer my own question... I guess I'm realizing that I feel badly for him because he was abused in news young and I know that's where most of his acting up comes from probably but also that he seemed to be doing pretty well getting his life back together prior to this and he probably shouldn't have been a relationship according to the alcoholics program he was in.

- - - Updated - - -

Also, his sister told me he told her when he got arrested the police broke one of his arms and one of his legs... maybe it's not even true though and he made it up to get sympathy from her... or if it is true it's probably because he was very difficult to arrest... he had a prior police assault on his record :roll eyes:

[lovemuffin]

I also find myself missing him at times... He was sometimes child like sweet... Apprising me with a giant teddy bear the same height as me or flowers... But when he was mean he was very mean too so it was all very confusing.... but he also seemed extremely loyal to me and I do believe that still... esp compared to the last two horrible couple of dates I had with a couple of guys that left meat canceling all my online dating profiles and given up completely on dating.

[TheEvilJester]

You are human. That is a good thing. Why do you feel bad for him even despite that all of this is his own fault? Because you are a good person. Because you once cared about him. Or at least you cared about the guy you thought he was. In a situation like this, that is VERY important to remember. He pretended to be a great guy just long enough to get you hooked... then tore off the mask to reveal he'd been the wicked villain all along. By then, it was too late. You'd fallen for him. So you loved an imaginary person (his fault, NOT yours) that will probably NEVER be the real him. You'd be better off looking for somebody who truly is as good a guy as this guy once pretended he was.

When something like this happens to you, it can be VERY hard to believe. You are sort of part in denial, thinking they are really a good person despite it all. That things will be okay if just this and everything will get better if just that. But things never get better and slowly you start to realize they aren't a good person just trapped in a bad situation. They are a bad person most likely CREATING the bad situations for themselves.

Believe me, I 100% understand how you feel. My personal situation didn't involve violence or crime, but I was in a relationship with somebody who'd turned out to be a really bad person, but I didn't see it until much too late. So I understand this is so much easier said than done.... but you really shouldn't feel sorry for him. At least not much. Certainly, you can feel sorry for him that he had a terrible childhood and that made things difficult for him.

Here's the thing... A LOT of people had a terrible childhood. Everybody goes through rough times now and then. But it is your responsibility to rise above them. Become better in spite of them or even because of enduring them. He's an adult now. At this point, he can't blame his crappy childhood anymore. He needs to man up, grow up, and break the cycle of abuse rather than just repeating it.

Anyway, on a side note, I hope you don't give up dating for good. Sometimes it can be good to take a little break from it. Sort of re-learn how to find happiness just within yourself. Maybe explore hobbies or spend time with friends and loved ones. But you deserve somebody great. I sincerely hope you find that special somebody some day. If you do, you'll certainly see (if you haven't already by then) how wrong this guy was for the way he treated you, and how a REAL relationship should be. For now, though, seriously.... just take some time to find your own happiness. To remember that you are pretty awesome. That any guy would be lucky to have you, and if they can't see that you are better off by yourself than with somebody who doesn't deserve you.

Best of luck to you as always.

[lovemuffin]

Thanks again TEJ...thar helped me clarify... it's easier for me if I say/tell myself he's a f*****-up person instead of a bad person as maybe he isnt evil ( although one night when I was trying to talk to him he must have put the phone down and started talking really strange and trying to summon the devil). Maybe no one is ever really bad but just lost as I once was in my ypunger years after trauma I went through.

Namaste.

[My Coffee Cup]

Sorry, lovemuffin. Hope it works out for you, hen. You just gotta keep strong in times like this.

[lovemuffin]

:thumbs up:

[TheEvilJester]

Thanks again TEJ...thar helped me clarify... it's easier for me if I say/tell myself he's a f*****-up person instead of a bad person as maybe he isnt evil ( although one night when I was trying to talk to him he must have put the phone down and started talking really strange and trying to summon the devil). Maybe no one is ever really bad but just lost as I once was in my ypunger years after trauma I went through.

Namaste.

Truth be told, I am much less forgiving of people like that. So, you could certainly be right. He may not be inherently evil. He may just be f-ed up, as you put it. Truth is, that doesn't make it okay. It is, maybe, more understandable... but still not okay. Still the sort of drama he needs to deal with if he ever expects to rise above it. And, evil or not, if he refuses to get the better of it.... if he choose to just let that darkness form the person he is, then he is somebody you are better off without.

We all have our darkness. We all have our demons. We all face our struggles. You can't just give in and let them consume you, turn you into something less. If he refuses to fight for himself (for his own benefit and for others) you can't control that. What you CAN control is not letting him drag you down with him.

Best of luck. You'll be okay. It may just take time. I definitely understand that can be hard to believe sometimes, but you will get there.

[My Coffee Cup]

Remember, do not talk about, or to Gimpy. That's why he comes back. You should ignore the new users too, as they are obviously him, and he wants you to say crap, so ignore him.

[tricks]

Hi Lovemuffin, take TheEvilJesters advice it's very good.

[lovemuffin]

Thanks all :heart: