She dumps me when we have an argument

[Jud4]

My girlfriend has once again dumped me after a minor argument escalated in to her going home. She says she feels unconfortable around me and doesn't like how I can be. I can't understand how things can be escalated so much by her. I've had disagreements in previous relationships that have never ended up in these threats and avoidance. Should I just move on, I don't know if it will get any better. I love her but this is making me anxious. She hasn't spoken to me for 2 days so maybe she means it this time.

Td;lr : girlfriend dumps me every time we argue. It's getting more frequent. I'm not sure she's coming back this time anyway

[lovebroken]

What level of arguing do you do, do you never have any resolution before she leaves? Does she not like to be told she is wrong or yourself to be told? What are you arguing about? Has she contacted you since? Is childish not to stay and discuss like an adult and find some resolution especially if you are in a relationship.

[CantMoveOn]

How invested in you and the relationship with you if she keeps throwing you away and dumping you. I think if she has done this more than twice I wouldn't let a third time happen and I would leave and she can find someone else to mess and play mind games with.

[pcmaster]

Its good that relationship is good enough to argue cause sometimes arguing can be impossible since other person dont even want to talk to you or listen to you. Anyway its bad that she leaves and I think you should leave her like that - dont run after her but keep living your life even if you find another girl along the way. Dont wait for her but let her be first to contact you.

Anyway I think she dont likes you that much, she is not interested enough as it seems.

[TheEvilJester]

If you are willing, it might help if you offer some more details. What do you argue about? Does it wind up being the same things over and over or is it different things? Do you think maybe you get a little too heated during the arguments? If you are being honest with yourself, is there maybe something you do that could explain why she reacts this way? Or are you 100% being reasonable and she over-reacts?

I'm not asking these questions with ANY intention of blaming you, believe me. I'm just trying to understand the situation. IF maybe you do get a little loud and or overly aggravated during these arguments I could maybe understand her reaction. I mean, the fact that you say she "doesn't like how you can be" leads me to think that she maybe THINKS you take it too far whether or not you truly do.

Based on the fact that you are coming to us, though, I will assume that you do NOT take things too far. That you are simply arguing the way any normal adult human being would when they have a disagreement. Arguing in and of itself is not automatically a bad thing. When two mature adults can learn to argue constructively it can lead to them solving problems together and becoming closer for it.

If she just immaturely dumps you every time you two have a minor disagreement then I honestly think I'd personally just end it once and for all if I were you. That kind of immature crap belongs back in high school. How are you ever supposed to grow as a couple, or ever get through anything if her immediate reaction is always to dump you, whether it winds up being temporary or not. But, that is ultimately up to you.

I guess the only thing I'd say if you do want to make it work is you'll need to talk to her about this. I'd suggest waiting for a time when you've both cooled down so it isn't a heated discussion. Sit her down and just say something along the lines of (putting this in your own words, though): "Look, I like you and I really do want this to continue. But any relationship has disagreements now and then. We need to be able to talk about them without it always escalating to us breaking up. Now, I'll do my best to be as calm and respectful as I can if we have to argue, but I'd just appreciate it if you could actually work with me if we do. How else do we work through anything if/when things come up?"

Best of luck to you either way.

[ArtisticWoman84]

It sounds like there may be abuse triggers on her part. That means the guy is in some way acting somewhat like a person who abused her. But she cant really sort it out and explain so it makes sense.

[TheEvilJester]

That is a great point. If she is over-reacting, especially so radically, there is probably a reason. It could very well be a sign that she suffered through an abusive relationship in the past. So. maybe even if you are being perfectly reasonable, and are just having an argument the way any mature adult would, it could be that it is still triggering her past.

So, again, talking to her may be worth it. I wouldn't necessarily actually even suggest coming out to ask if she had an abusive past. IF she has and she wants to talk about it, let her be the one to bring it up. But you can still talk to her about how her reactions are not helping the relationship. About how any relationship will occasionally have disagreements and/or tough times now and then, but that you need to be able to talk through them. To work together to fix any problems that may come along. That you can't do that when even the slightest disagreement results in a break-up.

Yes, maybe she had an abusive partner in the past. Yes, that would certainly be understandable if that left her somewhat scarred and overly-cautious..... But that doesn't make it okay for her to be this way for the rest of her life. I don't mean to undermine or belittle how hard that would be to get over if that is the case for her. It is absolutely no easy task.... but she has to do the work and/or get whatever help she may need to get through it. It is not fair to you (or to any other relationship she may have if you two ultimately do not work out) to punish you for what an ex did. So, I can certainly have some sympathy if that IS why she's so overly-sensitive... but not so much if she refuses to do anything about it. If she just expects you should have to put up with it.

Now, if she DOESN'T have an abusive past after all, then that is a huge difference. Then I really don't have much sympathy at all for somebody who would be THAT overly-sensitive. We can't really know which is the case, so I'd sort of lean towards thinking there MUST be SOME reason she's become so hyper-sensitive.

Best of luck to you.

[smackie09]

I'm going to make this quick....yes end the relationship. She doesn't know how to deal with issue in a mature manner and you don't need that drama.

[Hooo!]

Talk to her about it
?

[breathe123]

She is an immature little princess child who cannot deal with real life it seems & is why whenever you question her or argue she throws her dolly & leaves. Tell her to grow up & learn to act like an adult & respect the relationship you both have or you'll leave.

[richiro]

its really simple people.. "don't force a square peg in a round hole" - you can't FORCE a relationship to work. it either does or does not. its obvious this one is not. especially when it's a consistent, reliably, established pattern. which this obviously is.