five months later....the first visit.

[Jsnowman]

Five months boys and girls. Five months has gone by since she dumped me. We talk every now and then. Sometimes she calls, other times, I call. Two weeks ago I decided I was done. I take her numbers out of my cell. I get rid of the last things that remind me of her. She calls, drunk, crying. What's wrong I ask. I'm mad at you she replies. I'm clueless. Why? Eventually she tells me that she is mad because I did not love her enough when we were together. I'm floored, I don't know what to say. We talk about it for about an hour. Later she calls appologizing and I tell her not to worry. God knows I've done it to her, she needed to release. We talk some more, she tells me it would be ok if I wanted to come visit(200miles away). We decide that it would be best for this coming weekend. I call her tonight to find out if everything is still kosher. For the most part it is. She asks me what day i want to come....either sat or sun. One day I ask? My intentions were to come for the weekend. She's not cool with this so suggests sat to sun. I agree. I want her back, I don't want to be friends. She knows this. She tells me that she is not looking for a relationship and she is worried that we will end up talking about us.
What the hell am I doing? I know she still cares for me. I know she still has feelings for me. Do I go or do I tell her that since we are not on the same page perhaps it would be best for me not to come visit. I'm lost..as usual. Someone turn on a light for me..........................

[whaywardj]

"...She tells me that she is not looking for a relationship..."

Uh, Jsnow, which part of this do you not get?

[mini696]

She tells me that she is not looking for a relationship...

*Click goes the light bulb*

Mick

[MrDrum]

Dude,

you would be a complete idiot to go.

[artyemi]

she said if you wanted to come.

dude, does she want you to go?

200 miles.

[Jsnowman]

Good points. I'm reaching I know. I think when she calls next time I'll tell her that the main reason for me going is because I still have feelings for her and want to express them. If she says it's fine, I'll go. If she says sorry I don't feel the same way, I wont' go. I think I won't be going anywhere this weekend Either way i'll keep you guys posted.
Thanks.

[artyemi]

:sigh:

the things we do for what we want.

[RuntimeError]

I think you really need to be honest with your self other wise you would be just setting you self up for the big let down. No who in their right mind would drive 200 miles for one day to see a friend and NOT get laid. You are left with the big decision you either go and have the chance of getting laid, but your risk being let down. Or you just quit now don't go don't be let down don't waste hours driving, gas and time but unfortunatly you will then have a 0.0% of getting laid. So I guess you have to see if it is worth the risk.

[RuntimeError]

Plus if you go, you will be prolonging the getting over her stage, lets say you do go and you do get lucky then you will be wanting her even more then you were and you will be back to ground 0 trying to get over her. So is it worth the risk?

[missguided.rose]

Why *are* you going in the first place if you know she doesn't want a relationship, you broke it off, you erased numbers, you're going to completely undo all of that if you go.

Stay at home.

[Cybog]

I agree. There is no reason for you to go at all.

I will say it loud and clear for you - If you go, pain will become of it. Maybe not today, tomorrow, or next week. But eventually, you will regret having done this.

[Tone]

I think when she calls next time I'll tell her that the main reason for me going is because I still have feelings for her and want to express them. If she says it's fine, I'll go. If she says sorry I don't feel the same way, I wont' go.

What on earth makes you think she's suddenly going to change her mind from the last time she told you she doesn't have feelings from you? She dumped you dude, then she told you after she doesn't have feelings for you. Now you have to ask again? Is the message just not getting through to you?

Don't waste your time, gas, and spare yourself a lot of disappointment.

[Jsnowman]

The message is clear. I had given up weeks ago. Then she called me crying wondering why I didn't love her enough during our relationship. The reason is long and complicated but it's the truth nonetheless. To spare you all I won't explain but basically it wasn't her, it was me and she understood. She then told me that if I wanted to come up this weekend I could, as long as her work schedule permitted her to. So i agreed under the assumption that it would be for a weekend. When I talked to her a couple days ago, she thought I meant for one day. I told her no, if I was coming it was for the weekend or forget it...too long a drive for one day + I hadn't seen her in five months. Anyways, she is supposed to call back today or tomorrow to let me know if she is free but either way I've made a decision. You guys are all correct for the most part. Going would cause pain..prolong getting over her. We are on different pages in our heads so unless we were on the same level, no point in going. I want something that she is not willing to give because she is afraid of giving herself to me again and not having it be reciprocated at the same level. I understand and therefore don't hate her. It's not about going up to see her and getting laid. If I want to get laid, all I have to do is go out to the bars of Chicago Trust me it's easy, but I'm not looking for that. This is my heart talking, not my dick. I love this girl...for christ's sake I asked her to marry me(read former posts if you want whole story). But I put this post on here because I wanted those who read it to say the obvious. Why would you go? Of course it doesn't make sense. I'm the one who asked periodicallly if I could comem see her, I'm the one who initiated everything. Her message has been clear and I guess i've been ignoring it because in a way I'm selfish. So I will tell her that it would no longer be a good idea for me to come visit because I want something other than what she wants. It's best if we leave it alone...and to take care. What do you guys think?

[Tone]

Oh don't get me wrong, I'd probably go too. It's just easier to say what seems logical when you're on the outside looking in.

[whaywardj]

I don't know guys. There's a certain romantic appeal to going with the idea of "gambling for love against all odds." I used to A LOT. Being a little older now, I kinda look at what I can afford to lose BEFORE I take any outrageously romantic leaps of faith. Such leaps of faith really are a young man's game.