Too many chances

[spartacus]

Its 4am as I post this. For some strange reason Ive just woken up thinking shes sleeping with another man. Its really quite a bizarre feeling. I dont know that she is, and Im not sure I want to know but my instinct is telling me she is. I cant explain it to be honest.

On the whole Ive had a good few days and have been quite "ok" with the situation, but I dont like this feeling Im having right now. There is nothing I can do about it, and its not any of my business, but it still worries me all the same.

[Promise]

I guess you could call it a natural feeling, but in a sensible way, what does it matter that if she is, or if she isn't? In most likelyhood, she isn't, and it's that self doubt that you are forming that makes you think that way. Either way, don't be worried, and carry on with your life, as "ok" will change for the better, as that is also the first step to becoming better.

I hope you the best, continue to keep us updated.

[confused00069]

wow, spar, i just joined last night, but I have to say...I decided to do NC with a girl i recently had a falling out w/ on our relationship..she wanted to talk but not see eachother for a while and I knew that that would not help me or us. But I could see myself getting to the point where you went to, I have been seeing a therapist on and off since I was 17, now 24 and he has been great, as well as all my friends being there to help me keep the NC and to try to get my mind off it. I know you said you don't work around a lot of people, but if you occupy your mind you will get thrtough this, thats what I keep tellin myself and I know I will....and I still have hope too...and i've done the not able to stop contacting the girl thing in the past and it bit me in the ass, hoping this time it works. You'll just know for next time man...good luck and, even though i'm new to here, i'm here for ya.

[artyemi]

spartacus, sorry to have been away this whole weekend. glad to read that you are still holding on and keeping us posted on this.

have you been to the gym since you signed up?

[spartacus]

Hi again,

Sorry I havent posted in a while. Its been two weeks since I last spoke to my ex. I feel very proud of myself for getting that far. I have been tempted, but the period in between the temptation is becoming less.

I have taken up new hobbies since we last spoke, things that will help me meet other people easily, and Ive started to make new friends. I do feel much better about myself and Im actually starting to enjoy things again. I generally feel more confident about myself, and life. Also, completely out of the blue, I have been offered my old job back at the place I used to work. Same salary, same position etc. Initially it will only be for 6 months but at least I can go back and make a fresh start. I can start in one weeks time, but I need to finish off some other things first.

I went out with some friends a week ago, and I bumped into a mutual friend who I had a chat with. I asked if my ex was ok after everything that happened and she said she was very hurt, and was a bit afraid of me. I told her to apologise on my behalf, and perhaps she would ask her to at least talk to me again, and she said she didnt think she would change her mind now. We still live in hope though!

At least she knows that Ive been going out and Im a bit more relaxed now.

I would still like to see my ex, and even try to sort things out, but Im not going to push it. Before I was panicking and Id try to contact her in a moments thought, but now at least I can stop and think about the consequences of doing that.

Ive spoken to a few people independantly about what happened and they have all suggested that I write to her, and tell her how Im feeling, but at least give her some space first to let the emotions calm down.

Thanks you all for your support, and I will keep you updated on whats happening. I hope this will be a lesson for someone else!

[spartacus]

An Update..... Its been 3 weeks today since I last spoke with (shouted at) my ex. Since then a large number of the people I have spoken to have said I should leave it for a few weeks and then write to her. I personally thought this would be wasted effort as she had made it quite clear I wasnt welcome, and I wondered what the point of writing would be if she was open to it.

Last Sunday I started writing a letter and each day I would read it again, modify it, and then leave it until the next day. I nervously sent the letter on Wednesday and included a framed photograph of us both from a weekend away we had last year. I asked her not to remember what had happened recently, but instead asked her to remember the good time we had and how well we got on with one another so naturally. I apologised for what had happened, and tried to explani that I had been going through a tough time and asked her to forgive me etc...

For two days my nerves were on edge as I waited for the repurcussions. I figured Id either get no response at all, or a visit from the police for harrassment! but last night at 9pm I received an sms message from her saying "The good things did mean something to me. Just wanted u to know I read your letter and looked at the photo. I'll be in touch soon, ok"

I have no idea what that means or which way it will turn out, or even what "soon" means but I cant tell you how pleased I was! I havent replied to her, as I thought it best to just leave her to get in touch again when shes ready....

Fingers crossed!

[Tone]

Hope everything works out.

[spartacus]

6 weeks ago my ex told me in no uncertain terms that there was no chance on earth she would ever be part of my life again and that I should move on.

4 weeks ago the police were knocking on my door telling me to stop contacting her otherwise I could be arrested for harrasment. She was sh*t scared of me at the time.

A week ago, I wrote to her having not gone anywhere near her for 3 weeks. She told me last Thursday that she would be in touch soon.

Today she told me "after I read your letter I was desperate to see you".

Tomorrow night we will be going out somewhere, not sure where yet but we'll discuss it tomorrow.


Isnt life funny??? You just never know what is going to happen do you?

[whaywardj]

Considering the visit from the police, I'd get a signed document from her saying she asked to see you. You're on their radar now for a time. This "friendly" visit she's desperate for could blow up your face if she changes her mind, or you catch her in the wrong mood. Too volatile for me. I'd walk.

[Tone]

Yeah really wtf... a girl gets the police to tell me not to go around her then wants to hang out? **** that.

[artyemi]

i agree with the two above. do you have something that she want to see you?

after all, you've made up your mind that you'll be fine without her, right?

[spartacus]

No I think your wrong there. If I didnt know her so well, I might agree with you, but Ive been friends with her for 8, nearly 9 years, and I know that its not as volatile as it might appear, and there is no need for signed documents.

The police told me that we'd be both be hearing from an organisation who deal with that kind of thing on a voluntary basis working with the police, and it never materialised. In fact now I look back I know the police woman went away understanding that the situation wasnt as aggressive at it may have appeared. Sometimes when you're in a situation all you can see is what is going on at the time, and Im sure my behalviour on that particular morning did nothing to reassure her. She explained today that she was scared of me but she understood that Id never hurt her. She was more scared of what was going on than me personally.

Ive been much more active over the last month and Ive met new people and been out more, taken up hobbies etc, and my current state of mine would be happy to walk, but I wont be.

[spartacus]

Yeah really wtf... a girl gets the police to tell me not to go around her then wants to hang out? **** that.

She didnt get the police to say that... She got the police to ask me to move my car as Id blockerd her in and she couldnt get to work.... It was the police who suggested I didnt contact her, not her. In fact the policewoman said "I suggest you dont contact each other"

[whaywardj]

Close enough and even worse, by my lights. As far as thinking you know someone, let me ask: Statistically and historically, who's most likely to murder a spouse or significant other? The other significant other. That's precisely why police departments with the resources to keep their eyes on situations just like the one you describe. Do what you want and what you think is right. It would be a shame, though, if you allowed your emotions to get the way of your common sense and get made to pay a price for it.

[artyemi]

She didnt get the police to say that... She got the police to ask me to move my car as Id blockerd her in and she couldnt get to work.... It was the police who suggested I didnt contact her, not her. In fact the policewoman said "I suggest you dont contact each other"

She got the police to ask you to move your car.

Spartacus. Re-read the first few posts that you wrote.

Some people found them to be very scary, in fact, a stalker or something in the making.

It took you several weeks to get to this point.