Longing to be loved 2

[pcmaster]

Thanks again Jester.

Have to post in here so cause want topic to stay open not auto locked.

Things with girls are pretty bad this summer. Just like all summers, its like there is a dry spell with girls. Anyway Im kinda more concentrating on girls at work now. Wanted to talk with one girl but didnt had good chance, want like get to know her a bit since after 3 years working in same company I still dont know whats her name and age. Have interest in this girl. But yesterday talked with another girl from work. Shes been working there 3 years too but its about 2 years since we started talking. Yesterday asked her FB and then chatted after midnight. Not really interested in her but she seems easy to get. LOL so thats interesting a bit. Anyway now going to live performance of very popular brand with my sis and 2 other girls. Its funny cause I been chatting with her best GF but havent seen for few years and we never talked or said Hi despite that shes been my sisters friend already 15 years or so.

And Im pretty ok now being single since I have more important problems than girls and I found love in God and Jesus Christ. Now going to church more often and watching a lot of christian videos. Just have to work on bible reading and praying more then I will be saved.

Also I want to be more around faithful people and more interested in christian girls now. Thinking it could be heavenly beautiful to date for good few months or more than year before becoming sinful. Talked with christian guy who dated girls from his church and he said girls dont have expectations of sex. Thats something unussual and could be a really good thing.

[TheEvilJester]

Sounds like you are finding your own path, PC, and that is great. You'll find your way some day. The journey (Don't stop believing! Hold onto the feeling!) can be fun sometimes and sometimes it can be miserable. But, ultimately all we can do is make the best of it and hope it takes us where we want to go.

I have every faith that you will find the right special gal some day. But, I think you are most definitely taking a better approach these days of not feeling like that is such an urgent need. The right person will come along some day. Better to patiently search for her rather than to get desperate enough to accept the very wrong person into your life. I think you and I both learned that particular lesson the hard way. But, I think we also both benefited from the mistake, so it wound up for the better for us anyway. A mistake is only truly a mistake when you fail to learn from it.

Best of luck as always, PC.

[pcmaster]

Thanks for Luck blessing Jester. Was amazingly lucky again.

So have a big UPDATE:

Went on a date with a girl from a tinder. It was Sunday and I already been to church and to a garden where worked hard that day. So after that, I met this girl and we walked a lot, visited some new places in our town(shes local what is a huge bonus), we walked along the river and sat in the kids playground. I suggested to grab a tea and we drank tea in the shade of teahouse, then went to the new watchtower on castle island with horses and climbed up.

I asked her big questions and she answered that in 5 years she wants to get married and have kids cause she thinks family is really important and she likes kids a lot. But I said that in next years I want to become more social and interesting person, grow as a personality and don't like kids that much. But we both are religious and believe in God so that's something in common. She said I'm first guy she met from internet(I was pretty fast with this girl cause we chatted only for day or two until we met).
Anyway she said she liked the date and said she swiped me right because she like the tinder profile that I wrote I'm looking for a local girl and know a lot of entertainment places in my town. Also, she said she liked that I smiled and the first impression if me that I was a good looking smiling guy. Also, she said she liked that I said Hi and while she was standing a cross the street and said compliment right away. But I liked that she introduced herself and shaken hands. As more we talked and as more time spent together as more beautiful she seemed to me.

So at the end of a date, I walked her to her home what happened to be right a cross the street of the church I'm going(she said she visits it too sometimes and likes the priest). We parted and she said - Well then let's keep messaging

Wrote her same night and arranged the next date next day actually night to be more precise. Since I work till midnight I said I will be at shop near her home with pushbike(right under her house are kids toy shop) Half past midnight. Since she swims every day I suggested we go swimming at night. So we did. Its pretty tropic climate last weeks and last days its been above 30 c in shade. So the night was warm and there were stars. We did swim under the stars just like my tinder profile said(Looking for a girl to swim under the stars) This was my dream to have this experience this summer. This little goal came true yesterday. I really wanted to kiss a lot while in water but she seemed to slow down since when I started to talk slower and deepen my voice to become more romantic she seemed afraid. Still I gave her one kiss. Problem was that we talked a lot about things that don't help to get romantic. Like other people and exes. Also, there was no eye contact from her side. But she talked a lot. Water was warm and so nice and we did swim a lot like half an hour. Then we were at her home again, I said "One more kiss" and kissed her but she turned her head and kiss landed on her cheek - I was disappointed, and she gave me a hug just like she did in the first date. A girly hug so I said that's how girls hugs, I don't hug like that. So I put my bike away and put her bike away and hugged her with a real bear hug and lifted her up and it seemed like she expected a kiss afterward since her lips were ready and eyes closed. So naturally I kissed her and it just went with a flow. Perhaps I could kiss her more but gave just a peck on a lips. Wished her sweet sleep and headed to home.

I'm playing this game with her that I don't message her first and it works since she writes me first and I just answer. Checked her FB profile and she been part of many important events and even had a picture where shes with president of my country. Also, she works a government job and organizes weddings in her spare time. But whats really have value in my eyes is that she have a ton of friends and she said she will introduce me to them since I said I don't have friends at my work.

[TheEvilJester]

Awesome, PC! I am glad to hear you have a new gal in your life, and that things seem to be going well. It is also good that you aren't always the first one to reach out. I would personally recommend not messing around with that too much. In other words, as long as things are going well, don't get too concerned with who reaches out first. That sort of stuff can just drive you crazy.

Much better to just go with the flow. I know how hard it can be not to over-analyze everything. But, truth be told if things aren't going well it will always become evident in time. So, much better, as much as you can, to just enjoy things and just let things happen. It sounds like this gal really enjoys your company, and you feel the same. I hope things continue to go well!

[pcmaster]

Cool that you feeling happy for me Jester.

Sure I dont put too much importance on who messages first and such. After all everything is relative.
It seems like we are going with a flow cause today she messaged and sked what im doing, then suggested I go for a swim but i was like - i have no motivation, rather visit her at work(20 min walk from my home). But shes pretty busy but said she will ride past my home and we could meet for 5 min. So today was third time we met and it was almost at my home, like 2 min walk from it.

I hugged her few times but she again avoided my first kiss but second kiss landed on her lips. Dont know why shes doing it. She have sweet lips, like a candy they smell and taste.
Yesterday she hanged out with her best friends that are girls. She told them she is seeing me and they wanted to know everything about me. She said she have to invite me to some event with her friends so they can get to know me.
That sounds like challenge to me since so far I havent got too well along with previous girls friends, there was mostly silence.

[TheEvilJester]

Hey, meeting the friends! That's a good step! I can't help but be curious why she keeps avoiding letting you kiss her. Is it maybe too early? Like, maybe you went for the first kiss too soon? Maybe you should pull back a little and wait for it to feel natural rather than force it? I dunno. I ask out of honestly not knowing. It isn't like I am an expert on the situation, after all. LOL! I wish I could offer thoughts and advice, but I don't really know much about how that should work myself.

Yet, at the same time she definitely seems interested. I mean, for example making a special trip to see you even when she was busy and the visit was only able to be very brief. That, to me, suggests she is making an effort to make time for you even when she is busy. I mean, I know it was a short visit, but even that is something people don't tend to do for people they don't like. And, again, to me telling her friends about you and making plans to introduce you... that's a pretty big deal too!

I hope this keeps going well for you. You definitely deserve a good win.

[pcmaster]

Thats why you need start dating too Jester so you can help better here on forum and give better advice from having more experience.

Well, I talked to her. She said that kissed and hugs are more friendly for her. And she still hasn't completely moved on since her ex(4 years together) - it been two years since they parted but they planned to get married and she wanted a family but he changed his mind and didn't care anymore about creating a family and getting married.

Anyway, she said she still doesn't let people close to her since she is very sensitive and don't wanna get hurt. Shes have been on few dates since breaking up from ex 2 years ago but nothing serious those dates was.

I think I could really help her move on if she started to trust me and let her guard down. We talked on the phone after midnight yesterday. And she asked about my job how many pieces I made lol. My job is boring and why should she ask questions about factory job lol. I think what she's doing here is what she does with all the people that come to her - listening and being understanding. She said that people bring her to work sweets and all kinds of tasty goods(even if they need just one signature from her) that she gives away to her colleagues. Its because people say she's cool and sweet and such. But all she does is what I already mentioned - being understanding and listening. Also, she is working with people from third countries who don't have relatives and friends here so shes becoming their friend and mom. Her work is helping integrate people, mostly she works with youth, people in their late teens.

Anyway, I think I have to make it or break it. I mean I have to push it in a romantic way cause I don't want to be one of her million friends, want to mean more than that. Since the first day I met her I was thinking - I have to hold on to this girl, cause even if it doesn't work out she could be a great friend to me and introduce me to a lot of people who could be my friends. But now I don't wanna be friends cause staying friends with girls who you liked more than that is like saying - your dog died but you can keep it. I mean damn I want to be something she doesn't have, solve some kind of problem or bring higher value to her life. Just the question is how to get there. I know there are ways and there is game for it. I'm not a pickup artist but I will do my best.

[Hooo!]

I have read in another thread that you jester have first decided that you can't be with someone in a relationship
And that because you have accepted that fact you have begun to search for happiness elsewhere
And now you have found it.

However does having g found happiness make the fact true that love and relationships are not made for you or are impossible?

[pcmaster]

Good point Hooo! I watched a video today about guy who was born without arms and legs and got into religion and now he have wife and daughter. So if he can do it why cant Jester do it? I think even if they had similar full bodies the diference would be mind.

[My Coffee Cup]

I hate being single.

[Hooo!]

I don't buy the religion stuff
But still it shows that attitude mind and believe system can get you to a very happy place and life indeed

[pcmaster]

I don't buy the religion stuff
But still it shows that attitude mind and believe system can get you to a very happy place and life indeed

Thats right Hooo! Some people go blindly in life and religion is that guidance what they need to be happy and live a good life. Its like psihologhy only for free cause you dont have to go to therapist. For example I got my bible for free and theres a lot to read about guidance in diferent situations. Also there are many different players and mosy they all include gratitude - being grateful for things in your life. And being grateful is what makes you a happier person and more positive. I heard about person with one of the hardest life stories. But hes always smiling and positive, when asked whats his secret he said he starts every day with being grateful for what he have. So yeah a lot of psihologhy are involved in religious tinking.

[TheEvilJester]

Thats why you need start dating too Jester so you can help better here on forum and give better advice from having more experience.

LOL! You are SO right. I need to start dating purely scientifically, just so I can have experience to share her. LOL! Thanks, PC. That was too funny!

Anyway, so I guess now with the further details you have shared it does make some sense. I think it sounds like that could very well just be a case where she is having a hard time getting past the drama of her previous relationship. That CAN happen. So, maybe best if you slow your own pace down a little. Though, I also do definitely 100% agree with you that you shouldn't just accept being her friend. I think you can certainly exercise a slower pace while still making it clear you are trying to be more than friends. That way you don't just settle into the "friend zone" (whether or not that even exists) thinking it will eventually change.

Again, though, we definitely are touching into areas where I haven't much expertise. So, hopefully some others can share thoughts. Because that is a very delicate balance. You shouldn't push her too much and risk pushing her away.... but you also shouldn't wait too long and waste too much time for somebody who will maybe never move on/give you a legit chance. Hopefully that all becomes a moot point soon enough, though. Hopefully things continue to progress and she truly likes you. For now, I guess just go with the flow and see how it goes. ...That kinda rhymed. That wasn't on purpose. LOL!

I have read in another thread that you jester have first decided that you can't be with someone in a relationship
And that because you have accepted that fact you have begun to search for happiness elsewhere
And now you have found it.

However does having g found happiness make the fact true that love and relationships are not made for you or are impossible?

I'm sorry, Hooo, I don't quite follow your question. Are you saying that me finding happiness in myself instead is something I am taking as proof that love isn't meant for me? If so, then no that is not what I am saying. I'm saying that my goal, at least, is to just continue to find happiness on my own, whether or not life will ever ultimately choose to prove me wrong and I'll find love anyway. What I mean is I want to learn to be happy anyway even if love proves never to be part of that equation.

I also never meant to say (if I did) that I've FOUND happiness in myself. I'm finding happiness in myself. I think of it as being kind of a life long process. For anybody/everybody, really. Some days are good, some days are bad. I'm just saying, it is so much better to keep on fighting than it is to just give up and think misery will always be your life.

And, let me also clarify.... When I say that love is not meant for me... I realize that is stupid. Intellectually I know that is a ridiculous thing to say. Intellectually I know that probably isn't true. I just can't help that it is how I feel given my life experience. That's I think, a large part of why I've recently focused on being happy without it instead. Because if I focus too much on that, it just makes me miserable. Focusing instead on trying to be happy anyway... it makes me feel so much better. And, truly, you never do know what could come of that.

I may not believe love will ever be for me.... but I would be happy for life to prove me wrong. So, I guess for now I'm just focusing on getting myself to a place in life where I'd be ready for that if it did happen. To accentuate the positive rather than let the negative control me. I don't know if that answers your question... Feel free to elaborate if I maybe misunderstood.

[pcmaster]

Well she honestly said she sees me as a friend, that sparkle is missing. But agreed to do something fun together and see how it goes. She said she wish we could be friends if it dont work out.

I dont feel like she is interested to meet now but will see how week goes.

[TheEvilJester]

Shucks, I'm sorry to hear that. Never say never, for sure... but generally when somebody says that it is not likely to ever change. So, it may ultimately be better for you to just move on if she only sees you as a friend. I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to hang in there for at least a little longer just so you feel sure, but if nothing changes you shouldn't waste too much time.

Whether you remain friends with her is up to you, but it sort of sounds like you weren't interested in that. So, if nothing changes a clean break may be best. I mean, it's not as though you have to tell her to go to Hell or anything like that. But, it just wouldn't do you any good to keep her around as just a friend if that isn't what you want.

I'm still pulling for you, though, PC. I hope you find the right one very soon. For the time being, I guess just keep checking out the various reading materials you have on the topic. You seem to have been able to find quite a lot of helpful articles and stuff. Never hurts to polish your craft, so to speak.