Online dating He wants me to do something I am not comfortable with

[fearoflove]

Hello,

I met a guy online and I felt we connected intellectually and he was attractive. We were very open with each other about what we want and I felt comfortable with him on the first date. However, we share a few incompatibilities. He wants pre-marital sex but I don't. I'm not a virgin but I have a made a choice to be celibate. He thought it was absurd and attempted to negotiate with me about how many times to have sex. But what I do with my body is non-negotiable.

I told him we are incompatible on a few things and he told me no one is perfect and that I will not find a guy with my standards. He told me that if I don't end up finding someone, that I contact him in a few months.

I still disagree with him as I think I will be able to find someone up to my standards and I don't mind waiting until I find that person.

However, after a few days (we haven't contacted each other for almost 3 weeks), I am beginning to miss him. I felt a pretty solid connection with him, talked about things on the first date that most people wouldn't talk about (our future, marriage, etc). I just felt connected because we were so open with each other. When we disagreed, we went on a pretty passionate discussion and I kind of enjoyed it.

I have literally typed an "I miss you" message and then erased it before sending it for a few times because on one hand, I felt like I want to try to make this thing work (maybe he will change his mind) and on the other hand, I feel like this won't work out and I am just wasting my time.

What should I do? contact him or not contact him?

Is he right or is he a douchebag?

If a guy likes a girl, would he wait?

[pcmaster]

You always been wierd FoL. Where this celibacy thing comes from? Are you religious now. You have nothing to lose since you are a virgin. Well you think you can find someone up to your standarts? Then good luck ! But leave guy alone since he cleary not up to your bullshit. Reality check - You like the guy but dont want to have sex with him what is considered completly normal these days. So why should he change his mind if hes the one being normal and you not even willing to do with him what you did with previous guys. When you deny sex to a guy you are just setting up a timer to see how long he will stick around without sex.

[lovebroken]

You miss him, said so yourself. Contact him, have a nice casual no pressure meet up/date and after a good heart to heart. Maybe you both can find some middle ground, especially if he missed you too.

[Gina.G]

If what you do with your body is non-negotiable, as you say, then you need to dump this person. If someone has to continually try to convince you to have sex with them, then you're not truly consenting to it, and it's a manipulative, f.ucked up thing to do to someone. Some people might judge your reasons for wanting to stay celibate, but it's not their choice, it's your choice, and your choice alone. If anyone tries to make you feel bad about that, or tries to talk you out of your decision, they are not supportive and you need to remove them from your life.

Everyone fears that they won't find someone who lives up to their standards. While that fear is normal, that fear is irrational. Of course there will be someone out there who respects your feelings and needs. This guy is not that person, but I am certain that person is out there somewhere, and there's most likely more than just one lol.

This guy is showing you some huge red flags and it's up to you to take them for what they are and move on, or you can ignore them and see how it goes. I highly suggest going with the former. His "I miss you" message is a rouse to get you to reconsider sleeping with him. He hopes you miss him enough to reject your own choice of celibacy and have sex with him, and if that happens -- then what? I believe you will be much happier in the long run if you RUN from this person. There will be other people out there who respect your wishes, and will not try to convince you to go against your beliefs and choices.

I hope that helps. Anyone trying to shame this person for her choices is an a$$hole and should STFU.

[fearoflove]

Thanks Gina. Those were things that were at the back of my head too.

Honestly, never had a guy told me that before. I was a bit shocked.