A rooftop, a starry sky, and two people who almost share nothing in common.

[Anonymous456]

Whooo, this is the first time I've ever tried asking for advice online that wasn't through email. I have a feeling that I'm going to be writing a wall of unnecessary details here, so bear with me.

This all happened in the last weeks of summer. I had a lot of things in my mind at the time, and couldn't do anything aside from feeling sad all day. Regardless I had my responsibilities, one of them was walking the aunt's dogs. I dreadfully headed out, not expecting much to happen.

I walked around our neighborhood and managed to build up a good sweat. I was pretty worked out, until someone I hoped not to meet turned around the corner. She was a person I had very vivid memories of, most of which involved intense awkward feelings in my younger adolescence, ergo I tried avoiding her since then. Given my sweaty body, this did not help my situation at all. She looked really nice, and didn't seem all too different from when I last met her. We uhh... exchanged awkward greetings. Upon trying to come up with an escape plan from the situation, I had the brilliant idea of taking her out for a walk with the dogs. She accepted my invite.

We walked and talked, as the sky got more orange-y from the dipping sun. We talked about our favorite band, and how our dogs behaved. The sunset was beautiful, so she asked if I wanted to see the sunset on her roof. I SAID YES OBVS. But I had strict grandparents, that required me to be home before dark. My house was far, and I ended up making everyone wait for dinner. I got scolded and missed out on the opportunity of hanging with someone I hadn't seen in months. The orange sky suddenly turned dark, and I thought I'd be going back to my usual self.

I then had the stupid idea of sneaking out of the house.

It was pretty easy, since everyone was in their own rooms minding their own businesses. I went to her house, and managed to be welcomed inside. We climbed the rooftop, and was shown the starry night sky, we could also see the neighboring city and how beautiful it was. I played our favorite band, and we ended up talking about our futures and dreams. Pretty teen if I do say so myself. I found it to be quite romantic, there were even fireworks over in the distant city. I believe it was after returning home that I realized that I liked her. But here's my problem:

We share nothing in common. At least from what I've gathered in the following days.

She's a hip gal, who likes 80s songs (although she likes one band that I like), polaroid cameras, teen dramas like Riverdale, and the little prince, whilst making clothes as her business of choice. As for me? HAHA I like memes, anime, pop culture, modern rock and sentimental songs, the internet, DLSR cameras, and comics. Two completely different universes folks. Take that, and the fact that I rarely see her now due to some temporary circumstances, should I even bother confessing to her? I feel like passing on this opportunity might be a good idea, but I need an outsider's perspective. I have feelings for her, and I don't know if she does for me, but I want to know what to do with these feelings. Thoughts?

[jay2665]

i want to know if you say you and she are living in different universes, but what makes you love her ,just for appearance , personality or what? if you know the answer then you may realize your common things and related topics to talk with. Your main doubt about her feelings, when you start having deep talk with her, then you will know what she think. It seems like bullshit, bt actually it is true.

[smackie09]

It's just lust....those first time feelings. You are young, have fun with it and go out with her again. Don't talk about feelings and crap....that will only complicate things.

[Zachi]

My advice, although I am not an expert:

1. Think about what makes you attracted to her. If all the differences between you and her pushes you away, then what is it that attracts you? Maybe THAT's the thing you and her have in common? I have a girlfriend, and we are also quite different in certain ways. She lives in a small house in Africa, with her mom and her many sisters. I live in a decent sized apartment in Europe with only my mom, and I have no siblings. She has no money, and I have more than enough. She's religious, and I am an atheist. She likes cheesy love-songs like Celine Dion with millions of views on YouTube, that she sends to me to make me pleased - while I am more into the underrated artists that really stands out to me. I always react in a sweet way to show my approval, although on the inside, I am kind of laughing at how cheesy her music taste can be. She also doesn't have much content to put in to our relationship, apart from repeating herself about how much she loves me. I appreciate that a lot, but I always have to be the one coming up with ice-breakers and things we could do together, to get some more content into the relationship.
BUT why do I love her? Because she is shy, like me. She is sweet and humble. Has the sweetest voice, and she's beautiful and almost not demanding at all. She doesn't take advantage of me being white and rich. All she wants is my love, not my money or wealth. So try to think about what attracts you to her, and keep remembering that.

2. Try to enjoy what she likes. Give it a chance, and try to see the world from her taste. It can be quite fascinating when people are completely different from you. If you had everything in common, there wouldn't be much to explore. Try to take advantage of the new personality you have met, and let what's new sink into your head. Once you understand her better, you'll get more curious and eventually, you'll fall in love with the things you didn't have in common with her to begin with. At least, that's what I think... Maybe I am wrong though... But I have my own example. 5 years ago, I met a girl who liked to go for walks in the forest and listen to piano music. I never did that in my life before I met her, and I never even considered it. But once I started thinking of her, and I started thinking of a girl who goes for walks in the forest and listens to piano music, I fell in love with that thought, and I started to kind of adopt her habits. So it's possible to take those differences and turn it into something good.

3. In my opinion, you shouldn't let down any opportunity like that, unless you know for sure that you are definitely NOT interested. Follow your heart, even if there's only a small part of you that says you should go for it. Go have a good time. It can't fail. Even if you end up concluding that she's just too different for you, and she's not your type, you can still be her friend. Don't underestimate a friendship either. Just follow the flow, and eventually you will end up simply being friends, or maybe more than friends, who knows?

[Anonymous456]

Hey, thanks for the well organized advice! I found them to be very helpful.

Just a follow up question: I have a family situation where I move back and forth from two different cities. I now only get to visit her neighborhood in the weekends, yet my family drags me into all sorts of activities during this time period (not that its bad or anything). I end up longing for some personal time, or even time spent with other friends. If I can't even see her once a week anymore, much less talk to her on chat n' text, should I give up on the idea of dating her?

- - - Updated - - -

Ah, that's some good insight. I thought of the same, and have been thinking on whether or not these feelings are just a facade. The facade usually ends up being true, but I've never actually acted on them lol. I just wanted to know if I should experiment, I mean people do it all the time. They date other people to find out if there is something worth investing in, and if there isn't, the couple breaks it off and continues on as friends (at least that's how its supposed to go, maturely speaking). I just wonder "What would happen if I actually act on my shallow feelings or not? Will it progress into something worthwhile?"

[Zachi]

Well for me, I am in a relationship with a girl from a different continent than mine! And if I can do that then you should definitely be able to as well! If you and her progress into something big, then you can always keep the contact with video-calls on Facebook or on Skype. And then you need to talk to your family about trying to make your schedule a little more flexible so you and her can get to see each other some more. When not being together, 30 minutes of talking in the morning, and before going to bed + maybe a little chatting during the day should be fine, and it will still feel great to be in the relationship. At least, that's how I feel about the long distance relationship I am in now. It's actually really good for me, because I still have space and time to think about other things during the day, because she's not constantly around me, until I go to bed where we usually have our good night talk.

Now this is what you can expect if it progresses, so I'd say, don't worry about all of that, because I am sure it will work out fine. Just follow your heart and see where it takes you :-)
Afterall, if it doesn't go well, you will still learn a lot from the experience, and progress as a human being yourself. So grab the chance, when you have the opportunity to truly experience what it is like to be alive.

That's my advice. But again, I am not an expert, and maybe there will be other people who knows better about all of this. For your information, I have only ever had one girlfriend, which is the girl I am with now...