Think I feel for my best friend, but I don't want to. I want to love someone else.

[4Magnum4]

This is going to be a very long story, if you're willing to help, please read through it, if it's too long for you, then I won't mind if you leave.

So... Me (male, straight, 18), live in spain and have a best female friend who lives in germany. It was all fine until half a year ago, when she told me about a guy she had met and made out with on a party (the dude she made out with was a well-known asshole). That was the first time I felt really jealous of her having something with other guys. That was when I thought something inside me had feelings for her. I told her on christmas about it, she said either way, she would not start a relationship with me, because if it goes wrong, the friendship would be gone aswell. Even though I got a no from her, I kept feeling jealous every time she just mentioned a guy from a party. I was never certain about my feelings for her, I just think it's love because of the jealousy (even though i don't want the love for her). Heck, maybe it's not even jealousy, but just the urge to protect her after bad things happened with that asshole I mentioned. I really don't know what my true feelings are, nor how to find out.

Fast forward, with a few painful nights in between, one month ago a girl came out of absolutely nowhere and told me she had had a crush on me for a year already. I didn't know her from anything, so I told her that I obviously can't have any feelings for a girl I don't know whatsoever. Somehow, I managed to keep talking to this girl after rejecting her, we've been talking all day-every day until yesterday. She turned out to be the probably most interesting, open-minded and sincere person I have ever met. I have interest in her, a lot of it. Though, I don't know whether the interest is just to use her as a tool to cover up the feelings for my best friend and get out of the pain, or because I genuinely am falling for her. Either way, I went ahead and told her that I had interest, but that I wanted to take some more time to get to know her better

Trying to focus on the new girl, I told my best friend to get some distance between us, and just have short talks from time to time. All good until yesterday. My best friend tells me about a dude on a party again, I get upset/jealous/WhateverItIs. I told the new one about what had just happened and how I was feeling. She came to the conclusion that I might feel jelly for her, which is caused by me having feelings for her. Oviously that upset her, since I had told her that I had interest, but then turns out that I still feel for my best friend; I tried to tell her (genuinely) that she has gotten very important for me over the course of the past few weeks, and that i have her on my mind all day long. She told me to not talk to her for a while and get my feelings sorted; and that's what I'm trying to do.

I know what I want, but I don't know how to manage my feelings acordingly. I want to desperately fall in love and love this new girl, and just forget about my best friend while still maintaining the friendship, even though I am willing to sacrifice a lot of it, because I'm afraid that she has the potential to awake feelings for her again with anything she says.

Right now not talking to the new one makes me feel empty, the whole day today was painfully boring and sad, I had nothing to be happy about, nor to distract myself, her words yesterday made me feel so much more devastated than I would've ever imagined, I hurt her and that hurts me. I am 100% certainly going to talk to her again, I just want to feel true love by then. I've kind of lost both of them at this point, I'm seriously confused and not sure what to do, or how to recognize what I'm feeling.

[smackie09]

You are no longer "friends" with that girl once you have romantic feelings. She is your crush or love interest. Since she doesn't want any of that or can't, you need to cut her out of your life because she has no purpose to you now. The only thing that is keeping her around is your feelings for her, which is a waste of your time. You will not get anything back on your investment in her. It would be best for you to completely cut her out of your life. The reality is, you can't have her, she doesn't want you so what else is there?

[Anonymous456]

Wow, and here I thought that indecisive people in love triangles only existed in movies. Damn that's quite the story you got there.

Here's what I have to say about your situation. Relationships are supposed to be dynamic and mutual. A one sided relationship is the same as talking to a brick wall. There's no feedback, nor profit from whatever you say or do to that wall, aside from your own emotional satisfaction. Your best friend doesn't want to be with you. Plain and simple, and although I wouldn't ask you to sever ties with her completely (the best course of action is to simply stay as best friends with her) I think that you should move on. You will not find feedback, nor profit in trying to start a relationship with her, she will not like you back, and she will not date you. Pushing your feelings toward her even more will just end up damaging your relationship, not risk damaging your relationship, but ACTUALLY damaging it. So unless you want to completely stop talking with he, just remain being best friends with her.

Now as for your "new" girl, I'd suggest that if you enjoy her company, try continuing your relationship with her. It seems like you were in a budding romance with the person if I'm not mistaken. Unlike your best friend, romancing this "new" one won't be like talking to a brick wall. She'll very likely give you her approval (feedback) and love (profit) if you ever try starting a relationship with her. It seems that she's interested in you, and that you're interested as well. Try to apologize if you plan on continuing where you left of with your "new" girl, whilst letting go of your lingering feelings for your best friend.

Now if all of that seems like something undesirable for you, if you don't want to let go of your feelings for your best friend, nor pursue this "new" girl to be your lover, I suggest that you remain single. Being single rocks, you essentially are given options. You can wait on your best friend, until she finally reciprocates your feelings towards her, without the pressure of a budding romance being destroyed. You can also maintain being friends with your "new" girl whilst waiting for your best friend to reciprocate your feelings. Being single gives you options, not that being in a relationship sucks either. In a relationship, or a budding romance, there's this sense of loyalty towards the person you're in a relationship/budding romance with, therefore you can't have feelings for anyone else. But when you're single, there is no loyalty, because there is no relationship/budding romance to begin with.

So make up your damn mind, and go right a novel about this or something.

- - - Updated - - -

That's a bit much and immature. It's always important to settle rejected feelings peacefully, and severing ties is not the way to go. Remember that he still has his "best friendly" relationship to keep, and that that type of friendship isn't just something you cut of and throw in the trash. I think keeping in touch with here won't be a waste of time, as it signifies that 4Magnum4 doesn't harbor bitterness nor ill intent.

[smackie09]

He does need to cut her out because his feelings are too strong and he suffers from it. You can't resolve THOSE kind of emotions peacefully. The more he stays with her the worse it gets for him. She is like a drug, and the only way to kick his habit is to go cold turkey...no contact.