Loving a married man

[LinaLove]

Hello!
I'm currently in a pretty difficult situation and hope someone on here can give me an advice.
There is this guy, I have been working with for two years now. During the last year we got to work closer together and I noticed I started getting feelings for him. We talked, made fun, flirted, but it was nothing serious, at least I told myself so. We just get along pretty good and I have felt very comfortable around him from the beginning. I may add, that I am a rather introvert and shy person, I usually have a hard time finding friends, and even harder time interacting with men, which I am interested in. That's probably why I had no relationship for 3 years now.

The problem is that he is not only 12 years older than me, but also married and has a kid. So this is why I tried to ignore my feelings for him at the beginning, cause I knew there would never happen anything between us.

A few months ago I began to notice that he is looking at me a lot, also seemed to be near me as much as he could. Asking him about his starring, he told me how my eyes are so fascinating and that's why he can't stop. This was the first real compliment he made me, followed by a lot more later.

He always helps me when he can, he makes me laugh, seeing him makes me happy. I have to admit that he is a great motivation and makes going to work way better.

Then a few weeks ago, he told me that he loved me, that he has been feeling this way for months now. It felt like a dream, cause I never imagined he could feel the same as me. This was when I got a little hope, that there might be a chance for us. But at the same time I had to think about his family. I didn't tell him how I felt back then, cause I thought it would only make our situation worse.

I thought I could repress my feelings, but I couldn't. After lots of nights spent awake, only thinking about him, I decuded to tell him that I am not interested in him romantically. It broke my heart, cause I was lying to him, I think he figured that out too.

First he told me he would let me be, but still he told me how he loved me all the time. Sometimes I was really close to telling him, that I loved him too, but I didn't dare to.

Two days ago I was feeling pretty bad, he asked what's up and I told him I wished I would be somewhere else. He asked if he might go with me and I sayed he could. He then admitted, he would love to kiss me now. Later in our lunch break, we were alone and after making some fun, we held hands. He asked if he could kiss me now, but I told him not to. We were standing there for like 10 minutes just holding hands and looking at each other. I really wanted to kiss him just as much as he did, but I was holding myself back. He told me that he thinks, I would want it too, and of course he is right.

That moment holding his hands, I just can't stop thinking about it anymore. I loved to be so close to him, I want to be even closer, but at the same time I fear I would only get hurt.

Yesterday he claimed how much it meant to him, what happened the day before. He said he understands I didn't want to kiss him, but if it was ok for me, he'd love to hold my hands again sometimes. He told me again how much he loves me, and that he always will. He asked me to tell him how I feel, and again I really wanted to. But I still was too afraid to do so.

I know he won't stop until I tell him. But I don't know what to say. I don't want to lie to him, but on the other hand I'm really scared of getting hurt if I open up to him.

At the moment there is nobody I could imagine to be with, except him. But I know that I am not going to be more than an affair for him, which I really don't want. And he won't leave his wife, We didn't talk about it, but I know it, his religious and ethnic background is enough reason to think so.

Anyway, I just can't do this anymore. The tension between us is so strong. He is stuck in my head and seeing him everyday doesn't make it any better. However don't seeing him kills me too. I never felt this way for a man before. He also told me that he never had that kind of feelings for someone.

We didn't meet in private until now, although we talked about it a few times. We only see each other at work or shortly before/after.

So do you think I should tell him? Cause I really want to, but there are so many difficulties. Not only his wife and family, but also the fact that we work at the same company. I know it's not a good idea at all, but somehow I can't fight my feelings.

It seems so wrong to do the "right" thing and forget about him, but doing the "wrong" thing and start something with him, I don't know if I could handle that.

[dawghoused]

It is a very complicated situation. But, you should control your feelings for the sake of his family. It is difficult but better to stay away from him. Because no one can be happy by giving others pain.

[GLYC]

Nothing good can come out of this situation. I agree with the poster above. You have a lot at stake with getting involved in this. Our happiness is not only derived from ourselves but also from individuals that we place ourselves around.

He will be nothing but short-term happiness followed by intense drama. His marriage sounds like a fraud.

Don't waste your time, run away and make room for someone new.

Stay true to your true objective. A potential great relationship. I assire you, this isn't that.

[Minikimini]

If this man was your husband and some woman wrote exactly what you wrote here, what would you, as his wife, was us to tell her?

[Hooo!]

There is no such thing as right or wrong

1) does he mean it? Does he really love you or are you just attractive to him and he wants you?

2) do you want to be with him?

3) will he leave his current life? How come?

4) are both of you prepared to pay the price

5) if not: are you prepared to be his fling forever? (And I don’t mean this negative. If this works for you then I’m not judging )

[bunnyhabit]

you are not in a relationship so why not enjoy some romance with him. being a mistress has many rewards. it will prepare you for a more meaningful relationship in the future. enjoy his love while it is available but relize it a temporary fling with benefits that you should take advantage of. guys love treating their mistresses kindly and passionately.

[LinaLove]

If this man was your husband and some woman wrote exactly what you wrote here, what would you, as his wife, was us to tell her?

If I had a husband like this, I would ask HIM what he is doing there. Cause imo in a happy marriage, a man would not act like this. I can not be blamed for how I feel, can I? I know I took it too far at some point, still it is him who doesn't stop even though I told him a few times that we can't do this. Sure I feel bad cause of his wife, if I didn't I'd be with him already. Still I don't owe her anything, he does.

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There is no such thing as right or wrong

1) does he mean it? Does he really love you or are you just attractive to him and he wants you?

2) do you want to be with him?

3) will he leave his current life? How come?

4) are both of you prepared to pay the price

5) if not: are you prepared to be his fling forever? (And I don’t mean this negative. If this works for you then I’m not judging )

I had doubts at first, but by now I think he really means it. He is always concerned about my reactions/feelings. After he tried to kiss me, he asked several times if I was ok, if he took it too far...
I want to be with him, yes. But as I said I don't think he'd ever leave his wife. And I don't know if I could handle being his mistress. I guess I got to much feelings for him already.

Anyway, I told him now, that I am interested in him too, idk if it was the right thing to do, but I felt better after it. We won't see each other a few days now, cause I'm going on a vacation, so I hope I can get my thoughts straight in this time.

[CantMoveOn]

If this man was your husband and some woman wrote exactly what you wrote here, what would you, as his wife, was us to tell her?

Same. I always think what if this was me and what would I want to do or have happen.

[Hooo!]

Well then this is resolved isn’t it?

You want to be with him
And he won’t leave his wife for you
So that is your option right there

[Desilva]

Don't Do It, when you step inside of someone else's marriage for whatever reason you have willingly agreed to help damage another person. If he is not fateful to his wife why would you want that type of man, he will not leave his wife and if he does KARMA will come for the both of you. It doesn't matter why he is cheating or his religious beliefs, does his religious belief allow his to cheat on his wife, probably not but he is still trying to cheat with you so why wouldn't he just leave the marriage. Don't fall for that religion bull, if he is following his religion how can he pick and choose what part of the religion he is going to follow. He is already violating his vows by professing his love to you and you are not his wife. I understand your feelings but if you choose to go along and with being with him, be prepared for it to blow up in your face, you could lose your job, what if the wife finds out and come to your job and tell everyone working there, are you prepared for the worst? DON'T DO IT.

[smackie09]

You are vulnerable and desperate...right for the picking for a man that is looking for some strange on the side. Sounds dirty? that's because it is. Cut him off and find another job.

[bunnyhabit]

was us to tell her? what does that mean [MENTION=87425]Minikimini[/MENTION]

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how can love be dirty?

[Old Guy]

Sometimes guys can get into a bad marriage, and be trapped by several different reasons, He will look outside his relationship for love, or just somebody to talk to. It can be a very messy situation.
Best example I can give is a female trapped in an abusive situation, hard to believe but the same can happen to men, I have seen the biggest strongest men being abused by a 90 LB wife, and vise versa.
I am EQUALLY disturbed by both.
On the other hand, their are cheaters who just want to see how many girls they can get, or just get even with a spouse for various reasons.
And in south of me by 200 miles are men, who want a dozen wives, I see this and am totally confused. Not my place to judge.