I’m still in love with my ex

[Ryansk3447]

My name is Ryan and I’m not sure what to do in point of my life so I came here. My ex girlfriend and I have been broken up for almost a year now but I still look at her the same and I still have those strong feelings for her, but she doesn’t have thise feelings for me anymore. She moved on from me pretty fast but I'm still stuck on her. I'm not even really attracted to other girls nor do I feel the motivation to talk to them. It's almost like I'm still loyal to her and I can't shake that or the feelings I have for her. Against better judgement we try to be friends but I don't think its going to last. I'm still very much attracted to her but she’s inconsistent one day she won't return my calls but the next she’s all over me. Most times I’m lost and unsure what to do or feel but my love for her is still there even after everything that has happened.

[Brokenheart9989]

Hey Ryan,

I think at some point you need to do what is best for you. You still have strong feelings. You know you cant be friends, at least not right now. You are going to need to find a way to stop focusing on her and shift your focus to yourself. What do you actually need? You may want her, but you want the old her, you want what you had. Shes not the same person. So you are faced with a choice. You are either going to dust yourself off and pick yourself up, become a better version of yourself and start doing you, or you are going to continue to stay stuck in this rut... you have a choice, but whatever you decide, its not going to change her, or bring back the past. Relationships are tough. But you need to be tougher. You have your whole life ahead of you. You have a lot to live for. You have an entire future that is a mystery that is worth tapping into, if you'll only take the leap. Trust yourself and do the things you need to do, instead of staying stuck on the things you want which arent good for you..

[meloveu]

How long were you both together and why did it end? Did you break up with her or was it mutual? For all you dont know, she was feeling the same but made the choice to move on. Her calls and response obviously means she still cares and think about you. The ignored calls are signs shes trying to distant herself. When she stops responding, calling or texting is when she has finally moved on.

Take the situation for what it is. Focus on yourself. If things are meant to be, your paths will cross. Stay positive. Theres someone out there for you.

[TheEvilJester]

I wish I could say differently, but I definitely have to agree with the others. If you two have been broken up for a year and yet you still have not been able to get over her, I think it sounds like you would be much better distancing yourself from her completely. Otherwise, how do you ever expect yourself to move on? It makes sense with her so close that you've found it hard to move on. Whether or not you realize it, that can cause you to get stuck (as it seems it has) because there is a part of you, however small, hoping that maybe suddenly things will change and she'll give you another chance.

Thing is, it doesn't seem like that is happening. What's worse, you being stuck on her is causing you to put your life on hold. There could be some other girl out there who is amazing and everything you want.... but you are blind to her right now because you are still stuck on an ex. Don't get me wrong. I understand how you feel. I'm sure almost all of us have been there at some point. So, I don't mean to imply it is so easy... but it may be what you need to do for you. It may be what is best for you.

I guess if you absolutely insist, and feel like you couldn't get over it without at least trying, then maybe you should just ask her for another chance. Say that you hate how things ended or whatever you want to say and that if she's open to it you'd like to give it another shot. ...But I just personally wouldn't recommend that. It sounds like it is over and that it is unlikely to change. So, you'd be much better off moving on, and if you can't do that with her so close by, then maybe you need to do that while keeping her at a distance.

Believe me, I know it can be hard to feel that way... but you will get over her in time. You'll eventually meet somebody else and realize why the new person is so right for you and that maybe your ex wasn't so right for you after all. Good luck to you!

[Hooo!]

What do you want Ryan?

[DalM0m]

Unwisely trying to maintain a friendship with her is screwing with your head. Cut her completely out of your life so you can finally move on. This includes disconnecting on social media.

[Ryansk3447]

I want to be with her, I haven’t felt happy since we we broke up.

[Minikimini]

Happiness is found inside yourself, not with someone else who has their own right to self determination.

So, knowing that she isn't interested in getting back with you, what are you prepared to do about you moving on and getting over her?

You do have some agency in this, you know?

Your ex doesn't seem consistently interested in anything further with you. Her "being all over you" isn't a contract for her loyalty and devotion. If your thinking is "if I let her in on the perks I'd give a girlfriend, I can convince her to be with me", stop. You can't machine a reaction out of someone who already knows they're not interested in going down that same path with you.

Your best course of action is to stop dealing with her until the best you can muster for her is indifference. You can't be her friend because you want to be her lover and she doesn't want you in the role, so what you do is to go "No Contact" (NC) and allow yourself the time and space to wean yourself off of her. You will never get to indifference if you keep contact with her or give her an avenue to reach you. That's not how healing and moving on works.

[Hooo!]

I do not get this

How come you want to be with her if that does not make her happy?

[lovebroken]

If it is meant to be it will be, you can't force feelings or a relationship.

[TheEvilJester]

I want to be with her, I haven’t felt happy since we we broke up.

I understand that for sure. That is often part of a break-up. When a part of you, no matter how small or large, maybe still wanted the relationship it can be hard to let go. But, in time you do. In time you realize that it ended for a reason. That maybe it seemed right at the time, but in the end it just wasn't the right relationship.

Thing is, you make it nearly impossible for yourself by keeping her so close. How do you ever expect to get over her. Don't get me wrong, I fully understand that right now you don't WANT to get over her, you want her back. But, I think you have seen that is unlikely to happen. Heck, even if it WAS eventually going to happen, you need time to move on and deal with things first. Then maybe you could both be in the head space to be able to try again having grown wiser from the past experience.

But, whether your fate brings you two back together or brings you to somebody new who you will realize is so much better for you.... it can't do that if you allow yourself to remain stuck in the past. Believe me, I understand it will be hard at first. If you finally let her go there will be part of you wanting to just pull her back.... but in time you'll realize why it was better to just give yourself time to move on and heal. In time you will find the gal you were really meant to find all along. Who knows, maybe that will turn out to be her after all... or maybe it will turn out to be somebody new. But, no matter how much you may want, you can't force something, especially when it seems it isn't going to happen.

Good luck.