Trying to accept losing her...

[nikh667]

Hey guys, newbie to the forum - just after thoughts really in relation to my recent marital breakdown..I’ll be as brief and up front as I can - if it’s not appropriate etc please say.

As of Oct last year, 14 months into marriage, 7 1/2yrs together, 7 months into our first bought home - life great & settled, with a relaxed approach to the idea of adding to the family. An age gap of 14yrs between us (me older) but always both full of life and felt like best friends. Some insecurities between us both and individually along the way but overall things at this point good.

New career move for wife, and along comes someone from out of our area that shows wife new attention to which she latches onto for a few weeks. Discovered by me toward the end of last year, this starts the chain of events that has culminated in her deciding married life with me isn’t for her, and moving out of our home 😕 her choice for ending our marriage based off what she felt our underlying issues were, and not the third party.

It’s been around 8 weeks since she left, I’m trying to move on as best I can, day to day life is ok and I’m fending for myself. But I can’t seem to let go of it all. Acceptance is there to a degree, I know she’s not coming back, but I’m stuck fully accepting because I don’t fully understand.? How can I understand and place logic on the fact that in the space of 3 months her choice has been to discard a life she co-built - including strong relationships with my own two children, my family members, and our friends - all of which she has left behind without any contact and who are all now feeling the effects of everything.

How can I process any of it in order to try and move on.? Early days I know, but I’m completely stuck at trying to comprehend the unfathomable nature of it and I don’t know how to deal with that in my head. ‘How.? Why.? What.?’ and the specifics of it are on my mind constantly. Plus I miss her very much.

Thanks for taking the time to read through.

[Over40Love]

This is a tough one. It also seems like you are making every effort to move on, so well done! There are some things we never will understand and betrayal is one of them. Practically speaking, we should be able to make honest sense of betrayal. When we can't and there is no remorse from the other party, things start to be a little more difficult. Retribution is not an option and a complete waste of time. Focus on what is right in front of you.. and that is your children.. time will heal.