What is wrong with me?

[nomadee]

Hi All,

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now. We were fine until a few months ago... I had gone away in business for a few days, in the meantime, he had asked his female friend over for a night without letting me know about it. I've never been suspicious about her, until our mutual friend who works with my boyfriend and her, told me that these two flirt all the time. They both say it's just a friendship, she has a boyfriend and she never actually came over for a night, even though he had invited her. I took my time wrapping my head around it and I still feel very disappointed in my boyfriend, I am not even sure if I still love him as much as I used to do, my boyfriend on the other hand tries to make things right between us and I can tell he still loves me.

There's also Tim... a guy I had followed on Instagram a few weeks ago, he sent me a DM straight away and we started talking. Obviously, it was a few messages a day when we first started, but now we talk pretty much all the time. My boyfriend knows about it, he has seen the convos and is absolutely okay about it. Tim doesn't flirt with me (in fact the nicest thing he had ever said to me was "you are so darn cool"), lives fairly close (half an hour car drive from me), we have a few mutual friends (so I know it's him and I know he is single) and has never asked me out for coffee or anything else.
On the other hand he can get a bit too friendly sometimes... he was trying to make me jealous, telling me about "that girl who was trying to flirt with him on a night out, but he wasn't interested", he sends me love songs, selfies (the normal ones), tags me in memes, is the first person to like my new post or view my new story. He often says "we should" or "we could", and makes me laugh a lot.

The worst thing about this whole situation is that I like Tim way too much. My boyfriend doesn't know about this part, and I really don't know how to tell him. I've tried to stop talking to Tim, but every time he sends me a message, I can only stop myself from replying to it for a few hours. My boyfriend doesn't turn me on anymore, but when I close my eyes and imagine Tim touching me, instead of my boyfriend, I get horny instantly... I feel so horribly guilty about it, really don't want to hurt my boyfriend, because he is trying so hard... but I'm going crazy. What can I do to end this situation without hurting anyone?

[madotnw_nihs]

Would you have liked Tim if your bf never invited the female friend over?

[nomadee]

Would you have liked Tim if your bf never invited the female friend over?

I'm sure I would, he is a great, intelligent and funny guy and we could make great friends. I'm not sure if I would have been attracted to him as much as I am now, but yeah... I would have liked him for sure.

[Haniellan]

hello nomadee
nothing is wrong whit you
my best girl friend was in the same situation not so long ago she was whit her boyfriend for 8 years in this time they break up they was together again but at the last year she felt like you are atm
she was in love whit another they even was more then just friend and she was still whit her boyfriend
log story short she break up whit his boyfriend for him i think they were together about 3-4 weeks after she dump her she was crushed but your story can be deferent
yes they were 8 years together but she didn't loved him i'm sure her boyfriend love her and she try to make it painless for everybody but live is not painless live is live
do what you feel is wright in the end everything will come were it have to be
now several years later she fiend a very nice boyfriends and she is really happy
you need to ask you self several questions
first do you love you boyfriend because love changes in time it become something deferent something more special and if you don't have this special thing the more you delay the more pain it will make
second you don't have to break up whit him for Tim or Tod or Ted you have to do it for you if you feel its right then its right of you feel its not then its not
and 3rd most important just tryst in your self that your making the right decision

i hope i helped

[nomadee]

hi Haniellan,

thanks for your answer,
I don't even know if I can believe that nothing has happened between my boyfriend and this girl and it really bothers me a lot. If we break up I'm not going to throw myself at Tim, that wouldn't be the right thing to do. Besides I'm not sure he likes me in the same way as I like him.

I really wish I knew what to do. I don't want to hurt my boyfriend and I'd like to be friends with Tim... just friends, without me fantasizing about him. It's quite difficult at the moment.

[Hooo!]

We cannot tell you what would’ve better for you in your life
There is noone( to my best knowledge) who knows what the best option is
You will have to choose
It’s your life
Your responsibility

However just staying with someone because you „don’t want to hurt them“ is hurting them in the long run.
I don’t know how you feel deeply for your boyfriend.

„Go with a“
Or „go with B“ won’t help you

[jay2665]

I guess i know your case~ You and your boyfriend's love has been fading from time to time. In time you meet Tim who has a crush on you. Bt Tim and you may be just a short time new-met fantasy with freshness which might not last long. Therefore, i suggest you keep looking for a while maybe once you notice that Tim was not attracted to you as before, then you can be sure of choosing your bf in your deep heart bt just dont wanna hurt him.