My wife let me know yesterday that she wakes up angry every morning because of me and what I've done or failed to do.*

She has social anxiety and is bipolar. She has been off her medication for months now so we can try to have a child (She is 39 and time is running out - but she is so unhappy with me we can almost never do the act). We have been married for just over a year, and we had a miscarriage about 8 months ago.*

She has told me that I seem to be oblivious, that I'm not present when we are together and that I don't care to support her in her struggles. She asked me to move out today, that she can't take it anymore, that she hates the person I make her become; she knows she treats me like shit and she doesn't like it any more than I do. It feels like it's only when she is really angry and yells that I actually take notice and try. When things are going well, I just coast and fall into my bad habit.*

That bad habit is watching pornography. I have been addicted since at least grade 8 and have been trying to stop for about 8 years now (I am 33). I have recently joined SA in late December and my sponsor and the members there have encouraged me to focus on just working the program - I am currently on Step 1.*

I recognize that I am selfish and I am getting what I deserve. We had a great time together early on in our relationship 3 years ago - but after I said and did some very hurtful things and continued to do them (especially big things like not planning celebrations or time together, not proposing, etc..) and it's caused her a lot of pain.*

I love my wife and am comitted to this relationship. I have come to realization that almost everything my wife has said is true. Yes, I know I am not perfect, I have ADD and I'm not as smart as her - she can over-react sometimes, but the fact is that I have been oblvious and lazy - especially when I have 'ingested' my drug, I don't care about others. The only reason I ever started to look for a girlfriend was to eventually get married and have an "outlet" so that I wouldn't watch porn or lust. Which is totally and utterly selfish and wrong of me. But now that I am married, I want to do right by her. I had been sober for over a month early on in our relationship but stress from our relationship has been a big trigger for me - and if I act out and look at porn, without fail we have a fight the next day or two because I become clueless about others and only see myself. She's never caught me using it, and I haven't told her exactly what I've done recently (though very early in our relationship I told her I was fighting it and she said she could never be in a relationship with someone who wasn't) - and now she hates if I mention "recovery" and considers I am just using it as an excuse to keep being as I am.*

I had my last slip over a day ago. I want to stay sober and I want to be there for my wife and stop hurting her.*

Do you all have any suggestions of what I should do to show my care and love every day for her starting from today? I already do the laundry, garbage, pickup or cook almost all meals, I try to give her little gifts though she doesn't like useless stuff (and we are low on money) and she hates me giving her candy because she's overweight. I try to be present and attentive when we spend time together, but I say or do something wrong almost every day because I am oblvious to her needs. She says I just "do" - but that I am emotionally absent and heartless.*

I don't want to lose her. Please help.

Patrick