Afraid to fail again

[purplerain2010]

I have been talking to this guy over the phone for a month almost every day. We got introduced through mutual friends. He usually does most of the talking and he liked flirting with me over the phone so I decided that it is best to meet in person and so we did recently. I stayed at his house and he treated me well but he wasn't as flirtatious as he sounded over the phone and I had to do most of the physical initiation to get close to him. I was not sure why he behaved differently with me when in person even though he said he liked me. I felt he was treating me more like a friend than someone whom he feels there is a potential to be with. He also took me to his parents place which was nearby and I found it a little odd that he was playing with his phone on the dinner table while the rest of us were talking..he was unusually quiet and the family also noticed his change of behavior. While we did some things together, I felt that he was quite distant from me and he also mentioned the fact that he had several relationships in the past that made him afraid now to get too close with anyone too soon. I wasn't expecting for a kiss but at least some sign that he was as interested in me as how he spoke to me over the phone repeatedly saying that he likes me and misses me even when we only spoke to each other a few hours earlier.. what am I missing here?

[PRW]

I have been talking to this guy over the phone for a month almost every day.

That is never good. The phone is for making dates. Talk, make the date, get off the phone.

He usually does most of the talking and he liked flirting with me over the phone so I decided that it is best to meet in person and so we did recently. I stayed at his house and he treated me well but he wasn't as flirtatious as he sounded over the phone and I had to do most of the physical initiation to get close to him.

It is easy when hiding behind a phone. But "in person" is scary. He has low confidence. That is why he chit-chatted on the phone everyday for a month but never asked you out. He didn't have the confidence to get the job done,...he was waiting for you to do it for him,...which eventually you did. But that is not your job.

I found it a little odd that he was playing with his phone on the dinner table while the rest of us were talking..he was unusually quiet and the family also noticed his change of behavior. While we did some things together, I felt that he was quite distant from me and...

Again, no confidence, scared to death,...hiding behind the phone.

he also mentioned the fact that he had several relationships in the past that made him afraid now to get too close with anyone too soon.

Not surprised. The problems were no doubt caused by his lack of confidence and the girl just gets tired of putting up with it. The lack of confidence causes failure and the failure then causes more lack of confidence,...it is a death spiral.

I wasn't expecting for a kiss but at least some sign that he was as interested in me as how he spoke to me over the phone repeatedly saying that he likes me and misses me even when we only spoke to each other a few hours earlier.. what am I missing here?

A kiss? The only way you will get that is trip him, pin him to the floor, and lay one one him. You might get him to talk more if you blindfold him, stick him on the couch at one end and then you sit in the middle next to him where he is trapped between you and the armrest. As long as the blindfold is on he may actually talk more since he would be hiding behind the blindfold similar to the phone.

Well, I was trying to be a bit humorous with it,...but the points I am trying to make I am dead serious about. You might get him past this lack of confidence over time but it is going to be a lot of work,...you are going to have to keep pushing him to "be the leader" make decisions, etc. If you don't push him he will just passively leave all the work up to you and you will lose respect for him and get sick of it. Women generally want a masculine guy that can take initiative and be a leader. Women think timid puppy dogs are cute,...but they don't want to marry one.

If you want to make him a project and try to improve him then give it a shot,...you're both still young and not too set in your ways yet, so it is possible...but just keep in mind what you are getting yourself into.