My kids are looking for a father figure

[sweetmom35]

I had a divorce a year ago. I have 3 kids in my care. One is 6 years old, second is 5, and the last is still 2. To be honest, it’s tiring at times but I’m working hard for them.
I don’t want them to live with nothing in their tummies and pockets. I guess with my work, I can sustain their needs and wants. I want what’s best for my kids.

Just recently, my two kids are looking for a father figure. I was astounded yet felt irresponsible by not giving them the chance to live without a father caring and loving them.
But am I not enough? I’m doing my best for them and it should be enough. But still, that thought won’t come out from my head.

So I tried dating. I called some of my friends on whom to date. They gave me some site names but I think I’d be so desperate if I do so. So I ended up going to online dating.
There I saw an ad for international dating social event. So I posted some of my pictures, trying it not be showy and agreed to attend the event.

Do you think I’ve made the right decision? Is this move a smart one? Please tell me so. I appreciate your responses!

[HopeStrength]

You must be a very loving Mom!!! Divorce is hard. And it is not easy to be left with three children under six years of age. Your three children are the same age as my three children were when I became a single parent. I understand. And I also get that they want a father figure. It is natural and normal. But if it is not the right time for you, do not put pressure on yourself! You can certainly go to the social event but be true to yourself! If this is not comfortable, do not force yourself. Your children will come to understand the enormity of your love and commitment to them. If you are not dating, you might be able to involve them in situations with other adult males.....like male relatives who would spend some time, or grandparents, or even other dads that would be willing to include them in activities with their children. I was not ready to date and tried to compensate the best I could by doing things like this. It worked out pretty well. While I could never be a dad, my children have always understood how much I love them and how committed I am to them. I have supported them in the their activities and celebrated their milestones. If their Dad is willing to share in these things as well, keep the door open. In time, they will come to adjust to the changes in their lives even if they wish it was different. Children are very resilient and thrive when they know they are loved and someone believes in them. I wish you well. Stay strong!

[nadeoye]

No its not a smart move.

Do you really want to handle the baggage of a relationship now - 1 year from your divorce.

Can you handle the emotional load of keeping a relationship and being there for your kids. What if he doesn't like kids? What if your kids don't like him? Would you want to face the prospects of being torn between two factions - him and your kids? Do you really want that.

You are a single mum now and like it or not, your kids are your priority. A relationship will only end up drawing you away from your kids and causing more heartaches in the long run.

Another thing you could consider doing is keeping an open door policy with your ex. That way he is more involved with your kids, his kids.

[jay2665]

i agree with your choice ~

As a mother in a single family, to bring up your kids is very hard. so i m proud of you giving a good childhood to your children. Bt when they grow up,the role of father also seems important to them. They need father. They need a role model to learn ,to love and to imitate. However, this is not the main point to the agreement to your choice. i mostly concern about your feeling if starting a new date is from your desire or your childrens' need. Honestly, life comes once , doing what you want mot for the others. Perhaps there is a need of man from your children, bt the most important question is you want a new love or not. If a new relationship can refresh your life, benefit your family and bring you new hope, then you should go on. bt if that man is not your desire just wanted by your children, that is not a good choice to you and unfair to you.

Love yourself , be loyal to your wish, you will be a very very good mom ~~