Is He Cheating On Me? Or Am I Crazy? Help!!!!

[takeachance]

I Don't Know If He's Cheating On Me? Or Am I Crazy? Help!!!!
Where do I even begin?

Okay so let me start with some background on myself. I'm a 19 year old girl getting involved in her first real relationship. I come from a dysfunctional family, so I never had the greatest role models in the world. My mom comes from dysfunction and so didn't have the time or the tools necessary for healthy, functional relationships. I had two abusive, toxic relationships with two girls, but it never went beyond much. I was four years younger than both of these women and 14 when I met the first one. It was just extremely abusive and toxic.

I had two years to work on myself. I didn't even think about dating. I made so much self improvement and I'm happy with myself. I'm finally happy and stable in my life.

Back in October, I met my bf. We didn't even think about dating. We were just friends. Ironically, his ex basically introduced us. We both hate mushrooms and started talking about food, because she was having a meal with mushrooms in it? She teased and said we should go on a date to talk about it. Funnily enough, I would be stealing him two months later. :3

I keep writing out our story, but I'll just get to where I'm struggling.

We just hit three months on the 7th. He's officially the longest relationship I have had consecutively. I can't say enough good about him. He's so sweet, attentive, and just amazing. He's not abusive, he had never once put me down. He's understanding and does nothing but lift me up and treat me like I'm his princess. We are a great fit. He knows about my trust issues and that I've been in abusive relationships. Because of all the self improvement, I broke the cycle. I know I won't continue the chain of abuse. I was given those tools and now I do see that I was attracting what I was familiar to. That's why this is so scary for me.

Everything is amazing. It feels too good to be true. He's just incredible. He's good for my mental health, he takes care of me. I take care of him. It's 50/50 but some days it's 80/20 when we have down days. We are flexible with the effort. He's so patient with me and too good.

This is where I'm having doubts. Because of my anxiety and past experiences, I am having these warning bells go through my head. "It's going too well! Something is wrong! He's probably cheating on you! Abandon ship! Abandon ship!" Because I'm used to chaos and not actual love, I'm freaking out. I know this.

He's going through a lot and I'm supporting him through it. He appreciates it. I make it an effort to make him feel wanted and cared for, like he can rely on me. I was his pillar. He's making a lot of life changes and I'm proud of him. He does have perfect timing, though. (It's a joke of ours. His timing sucks.) the day before we hit 3 months he told me he loved me. I kinda knew it was coming. He was dropping hints and I could tell he wanted to say it when we would hang out. I didn't respond for a few hours because I did freak. I came to the conclusion I loved him as well.....my first real love. I freaked out.

Well, I was happy. I'm in love. Someone is in love with me. Yay! Shouldn't it just be that?

The day we hit three months, his damn ex shows up on a discord server we are on. I had never been a fan of her. I've known her longer than him, and I didn't know they had been together until after I got with him. This isn't a jealous girlfriend. I just never liked her. She doesn't sound like good girlfriend material, either. There's just something about certain people you just can't like....I don't judge people based on rumors or first impressions. I observe.

Seriously though, why did she show up the day after he tells me he loves me and the day we hit three months? I know they still talk. He told me when I got with him. We don't talk much about our ex's. I don't control who he talks to. I will never do that. If someone makes me uncomfortable maybe I will talk to him about it, but I will never tell him who he can and can't talk to. I just won't do that.

I've been up since 4 am and I just lost half of this post. I'm exhausted.

Anyways, I've been having anxiety about the relationship. Is he cheating on me? Whenever we are on call on discord I hear the notifications go off like crazy and he types a lot even while talking to me. We are busy people and don't get a lot of time together so sometimes I want him to not respond to them? He told me he's has people act passive aggressive with him because he didn't respond fast enough. Honey, no. You don't get to get upset because a taken man isn't giving you attention. He's my mine....I don't even get passive aggressive with him! I hardly ever double text! If I know he's not busy, I'll text him again after 4+ hours. I'm usually busier than he is anyways. I don't blow up his phone, I don't hound him for attention. We have a respectful and loving relationship.

Another thing that happened was we were bickering and teasing each other on chat like usual. It can come off as very mean and aggressive, but it makes us laugh. One new person said "awww is it just me, or do you two remind me of an old married couple who grew up in the time of memes?" That's funny because we love memes and have a great sense of humor. Anyways.....I told him we should tone it down because people are suspecting. I wanted to see how he would react. He told me not to worry about it and it just seems like normal banter....I kind of want people to know we are a couple....


What really had me seeing the flags was yesterday....

On the chat we are on together, I'm pretty popular. Especially with creepy guys. He teases me about it all the time. One guy was being disrespectful to me even though he knows I'm taken. We knew about this. When we first got together my bf said we would drop the bomb after one or two months. I forgot about it because I was just happy with my idiot. I also took a break from the online world for over a month. We just didn't want people meddling in our relationship. I don't want people to be in my business. That's my relationship so I was okay with it. (He was the one talking about how funnybit would be to see the creeps reactions.)

I wanted to avoid bringing it up for a while since his ex had showed up so I didn't seem possessive or like I'm trying to brag to her he's mine. It's not like that at all. I can't tell my family about us or his family, so I just want some people to know. I want to be a girlfriend someone can be proud of...I want security.

I asked if it would be cool to drop the bomb yesterday and he said "Nah, I don't want people meddling." I get that, I really do. I said "but you were the one who said two months?" He was saying he saw how chat reacts and doesn't want to have the creeps cause problems? Uhmmmm....Dude? You know how chat is? You knew before? It sounded like the weakest excuse and it hurt me...he said give it more time. How much more time?

Does he not want his ex to know? Does he still have feelings for her? Like it's just so shady how he was all up for seeing how others would react to us being together but now since she's been around he doesn't want to? She was the one who ended things....so idk. He's s great guy I don't know how any girl could hurt him. Does he not want other girls to know? He's a good looking guy and could have any girl really. He's introverted and doesn't go out much except to exercise or if it's with family....but still....it's online. He says he's fiercely monogamous like I am. I would never, ever put someone through that pain.....plus I have intimacy issues so it's like he's the only one I want touching me or flirting with me.

It just seems so damn suspicious. I just want to be a girlfriend someone can be proud of. I want to be his number one girl. His only one. I'm not saying I don't want him being friends withgirls. I don't think he even says he's taken. I don't think his ex knows. I was a dirty secret for the longest time. I don't want to be his secret. Ugh. I'm serious about this man and I love him. I don't want to lose him, and I don't want to not trust him.

He's handled my anxieties pretty well. hes really too good to be true....ugh I just want to stop feeling like this. I don't want to put him in the same category as my ex's. Is he cheating?

[bunnyhabit]

if he wants your relationship hidden is definitely a red flag he is messing with someone else on the side. i don't want people meddling is the weakist excuse i ever heard for hiding a chick from others. does he socalize with you in public? does he introduce you as his chick to anyone?

your fear seems well founded, watch him closely for clearer evidence then confront this problem with him before its too late.

[Hooo!]

You have to learn a lot about yourself and relationships still

You have trust issues. But the real way out of that is not to trust blindly

It’s if you want to trust blindly. It’s if you can talk about your emotions to your partner and it is the way you can have empathy with others.
If you talk to your lover or other persons and you know how they feel with high accurity then life will become easier for you.
If you can be honest and therefore want to trust others too then it doesn’t matter so much anymore if anyone cheats on you or not.

Talk to him about this imho.
Talk about what you both want in life and why. Understand each other’s emotions and needs
Communicate your own.