the sexual part of our relationship

[nitecapt]

I hope I'm in the right forum here. Perhaps I should be in the ask women forum.

My wife and I have been together for over 30 years and are now in our 60’s. When I met her, she was married and ultimately divorced to be with me.
In discussing sex with her early in the relationship, I learned about previous partners and a bit about her attitudes about sex. She grew up in a very conservative household, got punished severely when caught playing doctor with a boy as a child.
She had 3 children (not c-section). When our relationship started, she had also been having an affair outside of her marriage and her past history revealed about 5 other sexual partners during her lifetime. This will be significant later. We lived together for about 20 years and were married 10 years ago.
When our relationship started, we looked pretty good but as age and obesity would have it, we don’t look so great now. She was so hot looking when we were young I was pretty sexually aggressive with her. She was never very expressive during sex until we started doing some daring stuff. We went to Hedo and stayed on the nude side for a week. We didn’t get involved with others, although I tried to encourage her to do so. We then went on to making x rated videos of ourselves, we went to a swap club and met a couple who spent the night with us in a hotel room. She blew the guy for a while, performed oral on the woman to try and get her to orgasm because the woman said she had never had one and I had sex with the woman. Later in the relationship we explored fantasies which she authored and did some roll play with that, we had lots of toys, we practiced fisting and she had great orgasms especially with her magic wand.
She would talk dirty during sex but never orgasmed from intercourse. She said that the feeling of being penetrated wasn’t that great (not fun for me to hear). When we talked about prior lovers she said some interesting things for example, she slept with 2 men on different occasions simply because she felt it was expected of her! She didn’t want to but did it anyway as she felt she couldn’t wiggle her way out of it. She said that her lover during her marriage had a huge cock and didn’t know how to use it. (no foreplay or efforts to please her), so sex wasn’t pleasurable, yet I learned that she would set up specific dates on her home calendar just before her period so she could meet with him and go to a hotel. Her calendar was marked “shopping” and she would tell her husband she was going to the mall. The calendar was marked months in advance so it seemed to me that she was looking forward to the sex.
At some point she expressed discontent about my lack of romantic expression during sex. I expressed her lack of real sexual expression during sex. AT some point, fter trying to get her to try some different things or even make more movies, she made excuses not to. Soon thereafter I refused to have sex with her and did so for over 15 years. When she asked why I simply said, that when I had asked her in the past excuses were made and that when a man comes home and asks his wife for steak on a number of occasions and she makes excuses for not making it, he loses his appetite for steak. Recently we have been trying but usually it amounts to me masturbating her to multiple orgasms and she offers to fellate me but I refuse. It’s bland and emotionless.
So, I ask myself, what turned me on about her early on. Well, the thought that she would calendar sex appointments months in advance with her lover so she could go and **** him made me believe that she was a real sexual person with a desire to be ****ed. Turns out that based upon her description, she was not. She says she doesn’t have fantasies and is annoyed that I don’t because she has tried on fantasies all of which did nothing for her,. I don’t share my fantasies because she would find them objectionable since I would like to see her as a woman who enjoys vaginal penetration and feels good being ****ed. I have repeatedly told her that what turns me on is getting her to orgasm. It’s kind of a power trip. I fantasize having a wife that is like what I see in some of the amateur x videos I watch. Someone who gets pleasure from sex and wants penetration. If I tell her that, she would try to please me but she would be faking it. So I feel like I am left with a partner who has little desire for penetration. Clitoral stim is fine but penetration she seems to be able to take or leave. 3 Kids has left her with a very loose vagina for which I have bought her dildos of every conceivable size and shape. Even the fisting which has blown away previous partners has little effect on her. I have had numerous partners over my life and have never encountered this situation.
Finally, I find myself looking at attractive women and fantasizing being with them as they enjoy sex. It’s really tempting but I have been good about staying away.

I would love to hear observations from the membership

[Mr Married]

never orgasmed from intercourse ...... very common, don't hold that against her or yourself .... what if she was that other women that never had one?

She said that the feeling of being penetrated wasn’t that great (not fun for me to hear).... she can't help who she is physically no more than you can effect the color of your eyes

The calendar was marked months in advance ..... this is the past and water under the bridge .....past lovers are just that..the past...get over it...people change in time just like everything else

Soon thereafter I refused to have sex with her and did so for over 15 years ...... You are your own worst enemy

like to see her as a woman who enjoys vaginal penetration and feels good being ****ed ........ If you took a different route about your sex life she might have become exactly that

what turns me on is getting her to orgasm .... same for most men but many women are about the total experience and not just the end result .....focus more on the journey and less on the finish line

I fantasize having a wife that is like what I see in some of the amateur x videos .... did you know a lot of that is professional and only filmed as amateur ? Your wife isn't a porn star. Porn and real life are completely different

3 Kids has left her with a very loose vagina .... fisting likely not helping

Summary : Sounds like you and her enjoyed some fun in the past. As a couple ya'll did things some would not. Enjoy the fact you were able to do that together. Every man would love a wife who explodes into orgasm from penetration
sex but this is just not reality. It sounds like you need to stop confusing porn stars (otherwise known as actors) for your wife. Have some realistic expectations. Expecting her to be the solution to your own issues isn't healthy.
I apologize if I sound a little harsh.

[nitecapt]

Mr. Married I answered this twice and never got posted or neither was reviewed. In any case, I think you missed some points but I am not going to go through on a point by point basis like I did when I don't even know if it will make it as a post

[Mr Married]

a good way to do it is type what you want in a word document on your computer. After your satisfied with your comment all you have to do is copy/paste it to your reply message. You are correct...that can be frustrating

[nitecapt]

a good way to do it is type what you want in a word document on your computer. After your satisfied with your comment all you have to do is copy/paste it to your reply message. You are correct...that can be frustrating

I tried. It just doesn’t go through. I will pm you

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Can't PM either yet. I don't have 15 posts and my PM and message were apparently too lengthy so I will split it into parts:
Married,

I am going to try and respond on a point by opoint basis as ti what you wrote.

never orgasmed from intercourse ...... very common, don't hold that against her or yourself .... what if she was that other women that never had one?

I would never hold it against her or me and I hope I didn’t convey that impression. I am aware that most women don’t climax from vaginal only.


She said that the feeling of being penetrated wasn’t that great (not fun for me to hear).... she can't help who she is physically no more than you can effect the color of your eyes

I don’t disagree with this but it calls into question what the next section was all about.

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The calendar was marked months in advance ..... this is the past and water under the bridge .....past lovers are just that..the past...get over it...people change in time just like everything else

There’s nothing to get over, it never bothered me but it’s just something to try to understand. Why go through all the trouble to arrange the calendar set up what essentially was appointments for sex when in fact it wasn’t that pleasurable? She even said he was a poor lover. I wish some woman would explain to me why if something doesn’t feel that good or give pleasure becomes the object of an effort on her part to be involved. I certainly would not go to the lengths she did for something that wasn’t so great.


Soon thereafter I refused to have sex with her and did so for over 15 years ...... You are your own worst enemy
Agree and disagree. I was being punitive (which is wrong) for her pulling back from what she used to do but on the other hand, I have no interest in having sex with someone who has told me that penetration is not very pleasurable. That’s just selfish. Why should I make her uncomfortable for my own pleasure.

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like to see her as a woman who enjoys vaginal penetration and feels good being ****ed ........ If you took a different route about your sex life she might have become exactly that

I wish you could explain this. What route would you suggest. If it’s uncomfortable, what do you do to make it more comfortable? Is there another route? Trust me I have tried MANY MANY things with her, to no avail. I WISH it would fee;l good.


what turns me on is getting her to orgasm .... same for most men but many women are about the total experience and not just the end result .....focus more on the journey and less on the finish line

Often times the journey lasts hours. I could get her to the finish line in 10 minutes if I want but that’s not what it’s all about. There is no focus on the finish line, I let her be my guide as to what she likes.


I fantasize having a wife that is like what I see in some of the amateur x videos .... did you know a lot of that is professional and only filmed as amateur ? Your wife isn't a porn star. Porn and real life are completely different

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I know about the amateur videos, I also know from experience that the vast majority of the women I have been with liked the feeling of being penetrated. What I am fantasizing is about memories, not porn stars.


3 Kids has left her with a very loose vagina .... fisting likely not helping
The vagina is very elastic and does not remain loose after fisting….google it. Besides, we have not done that in Many years


Summary : Sounds like you and her enjoyed some fun in the past. As a couple ya'll did things some would not. Enjoy the fact you were able to do that together. Every man would love a wife who explodes into orgasm from penetration
sex but this is just not reality. It sounds like you need to stop confusing porn stars (otherwise known as actors) for your wife. Have some realistic expectations. Expecting her to be the solution to your own issues isn't healthy.

Did I say that I expected a solution from her? I think that the mere fact that I posted this was that I was looking for a solution for me. I have no illusion that most any woman will explode into orgasm from penetration, but experience has taught me that many many women at least enjoy the feeling of penetration. I’m thinking from your statement that your experience may be different. I hope I ma wrong because I would feel bad if your experience was different from mine.


I apologize if I sound a little harsh.
Yeah, it sounded a little harsh but I am thick skinned and I think you didn’t see it as I intended for it to be seen, so I hope thatthis has clarified some stuff.

[Mr Married]

I would never hold it against her or me and I hope I didn’t convey that impression. I am aware that most women don’t climax from vaginal only.


... this is the past and water under the bridge .....past lovers are just that..the past...get over it...people change in time just like everything else

There’s nothing to get over, it never bothered me but it’s just something to try to understand. Why go through all the trouble to arrange the calendar set up what essentially was appointments for sex when in fact it wasn’t that pleasurable? She even said he was a poor lover. I wish some woman would explain to me why if something doesn’t feel that good or give pleasure becomes the object of an effort on her part to be involved. I certainly would not go to the lengths she did for something that wasn’t so great.


Soon thereafter I refused to have sex with her and did so for over 15 years ...... You are your own worst enemy
Agree and disagree. I was being punitive (which is wrong) for her pulling back from what she used to do but on the other hand, I have no interest in having sex with someone who has told me that penetration is not very pleasurable. That’s just selfish. Why should I make her uncomfortable for my own pleasure.

- - - Updated - - -

like to see her as a woman who enjoys vaginal penetration and feels good being ****ed ........ If you took a different route about your sex life she might have become exactly that

I wish you could explain this. What route would you suggest. If it’s uncomfortable, what do you do to make it more comfortable? Is there another route? Trust me I have tried MANY MANY things with her, to no avail. I WISH it would fee;l good.


what turns me on is getting her to orgasm .... same for most men but many women are about the total experience and not just the end result .....focus more on the journey and less on the finish line

Often times the journey lasts hours. I could get her to the finish line in 10 minutes if I want but that’s not what it’s all about. There is no focus on the finish line, I let her be my guide as to what she likes.


I fantasize having a wife that is like what I see in some of the amateur x videos .... did you know a lot of that is professional and only filmed as amateur ? Your wife isn't a porn star. Porn and real life are completely different

- - - Updated - - -

I know about the amateur videos, I also know from experience that the vast majority of the women I have been with liked the feeling of being penetrated. What I am fantasizing is about memories, not porn stars.


3 Kids has left her with a very loose vagina .... fisting likely not helping
The vagina is very elastic and does not remain loose after fisting….google it. Besides, we have not done that in Many years


Summary : Sounds like you and her enjoyed some fun in the past. As a couple ya'll did things some would not. Enjoy the fact you were able to do that together. Every man would love a wife who explodes into orgasm from penetration
sex but this is just not reality. It sounds like you need to stop confusing porn stars (otherwise known as actors) for your wife. Have some realistic expectations. Expecting her to be the solution to your own issues isn't healthy.

Did I say that I expected a solution from her? I think that the mere fact that I posted this was that I was looking for a solution for me. I have no illusion that most any woman will explode into orgasm from penetration, but experience has taught me that many many women at least enjoy the feeling of penetration. I’m thinking from your statement that your experience may be different. I hope I ma wrong because I would feel bad if your experience was different from mine.


I apologize if I sound a little harsh.
Yeah, it sounded a little harsh but I am thick skinned and I think you didn’t see it as I intended for it to be seen, so I hope thatthis has clarified some stuff.

[tina77]

this thread hub of views

[bunnyhabit]

I think you just need to be honest with her and she seems like she will try hard to satisfy your cravings. don't hold back on strange things that you would like to do. based on her past history she is probably cheating on you with other guys that are making her happy. you should enjoy her to the maximum also. have you checked her calendar for "shopping" days lately?

[Gary Griffin]

Take a look at this site for useful advice/tips from professionals here you may find interesting, https://sexama.amafeed.com/

[bulrush]

If she doesn't get off from PIV that is very common for women. But it does sound like she might have some emotional problems regarding sex and letting go with you. Or she might find the "naughty factor" a turn on and that's why she cheats on her spouse, she might like the thrill of maybe getting caught. She might even be cheating on you. If she can't talk about what's bothering her and suggest things to fix it with you, that's a big red flag. If she hides things from you, that's also a big red flag.

If she can't talk about your fantasies without over reacting, that is also a big red flag. Communication is the foundation of any good relationship. These are all things you need to find out before marriage.

So what is your goal here? You can't change how she feels about PIV, but you can work on it with her IF she's willing to work on it. Ultimately she needs to find out things she likes to do with you.

If you want more sex, talk to her about it. If you aren't happy, are you going to stay or go?