I'm engaged to my boyfriend - we're planning to be married later this year. While I love him deeply and am very happy with him in almost every way, the one thing that really bothers me is the fact that he has been married before. My rational self knows that it is not a big deal because he has no kids with his ex, was only married for about 1.5 years before they started the divorce process, and has zero ties with her now (no alimony, no contact) but my emotional self gets competitive and angry irrationally.
For example, I'm annoyed that for our wedding he wants to invite a much smaller number of people than he did for his last wedding. He has explained that he's no longer close to a lot of people (just grew apart over the years with age) and that it means more to him to celebrate with family and intimate friends only. My rational self understands this, but my emotional self feels like he had his "real" wedding last go-around and now he just wants a washed down version. I also can't help wanting him to invite more people who attended his last one just because I want them to see that I am his real/legitimate wife now (vs. them just seeing vague photos on social media and thinking of me as the girl after the wife).
Bottom line is that I hate that he once loved someone enough to marry her, I hate that I'm not the only person he loved this much (though he always assures me that he loves me far more than he ever loved his ex-wife), and I don't know how to let this not bother me.
Any advice or insights appreciated!