moving out but still dating?

[Dearprudence]

I apologize in advance for the length of this message. I have been dating the man of my dreams for a little over 15 months. We moved in together (at my home) after dating about 4 months. He was in a terrible marriage and moved out of his house with his wife at that time.

So for the past year, we have been living together. It has been AMAZING. We have had so much fun - and really no problems or arguments to speak of. He treats me better than I ever thought it was possible to be treated. I believe we truly love each other - and I am happier than I ever thought possible.We have talked extensively about getting married, spending our lives together, even the possibility of children (even though I am now 38 and he is 37). Here in our state, though, you have to be legally separated for 365 days before you can file for divorce. Well, February 10 will be 1 year since he left his wife.

Earlier this week, he met with his wife to have an initial conversation about the divorce (division of property, etc). When he got home, he was very upset. After telling me about the conversation, he tells me that he wants to move out and go live with a male friend. He says that he loves me, and that he has never been as happy as he is with me.

He says that he wants to keep dating me and eventually get back together - but that he needs time and space to work through the divorce and feelings he hasn't resolved with his wife (he adds that he doesn't want to be with her any more and had good reason to leave - he just regrets not taking time before moving in with me.)

I wish I could understand what is going on. We have truly had the best year ever together...it breaks my heart for him to leave. I have been completely depressed and unbelievably sad since Monday night. I cannot even imagine not having him in my life on a daily basis. I am so afraid that this will not work - and I am afraid that this is really just his way of breaking up with me (without trying to hurt me).

Is it possible that this will work out? And if it does, how will I ever be able to trust that he won't leave again?

Should I keep fighting and try to convince him to stay or should I just let him go and hope for the best?

I appreciate your help and any advice you can share!

[Hooo!]

So you don’t understand him
Go ask
This would be confusing to me too
Explain to him like you explained to us

[Dearprudence]

We talked again last night. I had made out a list of questions to ask him (to keep my thoughts somewhat straight). He continued to insist that this is temporary, that he loves me, and for this to work in the long term, he needs space to figure things out. He also has been having lots of guilt that he is living with someone he is not married to. He seems to think that some of this guilt will decrease after he is completely divorced...but neither of us have any idea of knowing if this will happen or not. After talking to him last night, I feel even worse and honestly have no idea what to do. I feel like I'm just waiting for the end...

[Hooo!]

Well from my point of view you have 2 options
1) give home space and time and support him
2) tell him that he is an idiot. If he isn’t sure he wants to be with you and if he isn’t sure this living together thing is a great idea
If he isn’t sure that you can help him finding his way out of the divorce then maybe it’s better if he just goes and realizes later what he is missing out on.

- - - Updated - - -

Both are risky
But since I personally don’t like to deal with other people bullshitting me I’d choose option 2
But it’s entirely up to you. I can’t make up your life for you and this may turn out bad or good with any solution
I don’t know

[Dearprudence]

I agree - I feel like I am stuck no matter what I choose. Right now, I am leaning towards option 1, but I am not sure that I am strong enough to keep up with either option for very long. I think he knows (or so he says) that he will miss me once he is gone - we have talked about it and he has said that that he knows it is crazy to leave the best thing that has ever happened to him.

But you are right - either way is a risk. I just hope I will know better what to do as time passes.

Thanks for your thoughts.

- - - Updated - - -

As an update: we moved out the majority of his things this weekend. He moved in with a male friend and put the bulk of his belongings in a storage unit. He will not be officially moved out until this weekend, when he will take his clothing and personal items to the guy's apartment. He took a few of my belongings/furniture with him to the apartment and plans to leave a few personal things at my house - again, with the understanding that this is "temporary."

I just wish I knew for sure that this was or was not going to work out - and if it does work out, WHEN???

[davidhoward]

I am not sure will you listen even if you get the right answer. I understand it's a tough time for sure. But I must say something. I am not even sure if it's infatuation or serious love. Seems like you are not even sure of. Like your question... will it happen again?... You know what... we people dont admire much untill we lose them. We don't value our present anyway. I must say .. you should love only you. Value your life. Let him be free. Let him figure out your value in his life. Just dont make yourself cheap to him. If you are meant to be together.. you will be together.. BTW, you can also check out https://loveama.com/ . There are lots of relationship experts who might give you better answer.

Best wishes for your bright future!

[Gary Griffin]

With all the failed relationships in this day and age, it seems that true love is just too hard to come by. These negativities might take us a step back in finding our perfect matches, but a little help from relationships and intimacy coach will give you the motivation to get back in the game. Take a look at this site you may find interesting about that, https://loveama.com/