Head over heels

[Bhujerba]

Hi guys, long time lurker here. I am somewhat baffled by her actions.

She worked in the same place as me and was my superior at the job. I reported directly to her, she was my boss. Now, I could feel by the way she looked at me that something was going on. But it was too early to tell.

I began to fall in love with this woman who was at least 15 years my senior. But I felt that it was wrong for me to love this woman so much. At the time I wanted out.

Please keep in mind that neither one of us ever admitted our love for one another, it was just a few glances here, a few glances there.

Long story short I asked her to remove me from the job.

She didn't reply for an entire week.

Then she fired me over email. It was at this point that I asked her to let me take my items from the office. She dodged the question for about two weeks and then finally told me that she had it thrown out.

It was at this point that I buckled under the pressure and began missing her so much. I confessed to her that I loved her. I asked her if she loved me too, but she didn't reply at all.

I was expecting her to get creeped out by my advances and return my items to get me off her back.

So I asked her once again to return my items to me. She maintains that she had the stuff thrown out and that I should stop messaging her.

Please keep in mind that she never gave me the chance at all to retrieve my items. I even asked her to drop them off to a coworker so I could pick the items up without seeing her. To no effect.

And so whenever I send her an email or phone call, I always request her to return my belongings to me. She doesn't.

Could her strange behavior mean that she is also in love with me? Or am I deluding myself here?

[Hooo!]

Lolwut
So she can’t fire you via email for no reason in the first place
(At least not where I come from)
Also if she throws away your stuff she’s gotta pay for it
And lastly which boss would fire someone via email???

This whole thing seems to me very made up scenario.
And you confess your love via mail? This is all so unreal.

Sorry but I don’t buy your story

[Bhujerba]

Oh but she did fire me over email.
I asked her to fire me from the job when I felt I was falling in love with her.

And to make things even worse she didn't pay me for the work I did at the office.

She wouldn't let me my stuff back from the office either.

Now why would she treat me like this if she didn't feel something toward me?

I have begged and pleaded her to at least let me take my stuff back. She wouldn't budge.

If she truly wanted to cut me loose why would she act this strange?

[Bhujerba]

Don't you think her behavior is at the least strange and unethical? This woman is known for her ethics and good morals around her friends and coworkers. Her treating me like this is not usual behavior for her.

At the very least she should have returned my stuff to me so I could get the message that its over.

But there are tiny clues here and there.

By not giving me back my stuff (or at least compensating me for it) she is keeping me in limbo.

Do you think I'm deluding myself here?

[Hooo!]

I think that i miss crucial information

If you wanted out why do you have to get fired? You could just quit
If you get fired via email for no reason I doubt that this would benlegally binding where I am from

If she steals your shit and doesn’t pay you then that is theft which will proabaly be a problem for her. As a normal superior you do neither of the above if you have any sense

I do not see however why you would quit a job(or beg to be quitted??!?) whith a hot boss
I do not see why you would confess your eternal love via email to anyone
And I do not see why you simply don’t go there to get your stuff back

And I certainly doubt that if all of this was true you wanted to be with a woman like that even if she wanted to be with you

[Bhujerba]

Mr Hooo! to answer your questioins.

I wanted out because I felt it was wrong for me to be in love with my own boss. I felt I was breaching the 'sacred' trust which exists between an employee and and employer. I know that's a very messed up thought process, but that's how I felt at the time.

I asked her to remove me from the job because I was in love with her. I felt my feelings would have gotten in the way and compromised the business.

I know it's hard to believe much of what I've told you (even I find it hard to believe).

And yes... I am completely in love with this woman. I don't know why. There is absolutely no common denominator between us. But love just happened and I have never felt this way about anyone else. I think about her all the time and it is driving me insane. I was hoping that by retrieving my stuff from her, it would send my subconscious mind a message that it truly was over. But this woman WON'T budge. Neither does she want to rehire me, neither does she want to return my stuff to me. What is this woman's problem?

Do you think she's in love with me too?

[Hooo!]

Thinking you are delusional wont get you your result so what you want in reality is to go out with her. So I would invite her out possibly in person
If you get a bloody nose doing it then at least you have tried

Next time don’t GET fired
Just quit your job
Or even better: don’t quit your job and just seduce her anyways

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[Bhujerba]

I don't have the guts to go over to her directly without getting an invitation from her. I will only go to her if she calls me. But she says she wants absolutely nothing to do with me.

You do agree with me right? What she has done is bizarre. Why would she not return my stuff? Why would she throw it away? This behavior is not representative of someone who doesn't care about you. If she didn't care about me, she would have said without any hesitation, "Fine take your stuff and GTFO." Instead she treats me like one would to a bitter ex.

She told me over the phone that she wants me to 'get off her back', that I should stop emailing her and giving phone calls. But all I've done is ask her for my stuff.

The way I see it, there are two ways to interpret her behavior. 1) She does not want to let go but doesn't want to admit it 2) She is actually on a power trip and wants to flex her muscles. "I can throw your stuff away and get away with it."

Either way, I am not sure which one it is and do not want to go over there uninvited and risk getting a frickin harassment case filed against me if she indeed does want to get rid of me.

If you get a bloody nose doing it then at least you have tried

Or even better: don’t quit your job and just seduce her anyways

If it were just about a bloody nose, I would easily risk it. But she could just file a frickin lawsuit and permanently get rid of me.

What are my options here?

[Hooo!]

Well then tell her you want your stuff back. If she binned it she had better pay for it. Else you file against her

Also: what else dieser have to do to tell you she is not interested?
She does literally everything to not having to deal with you again. Even throwing your shit away so youhave no reason to come back
Or simply love with the fact that the stuff is gone and finally close that chapter of your life

[Bhujerba]

Well then tell her you want your stuff back. If she binned it she had better pay for it. Else you file against her

Also: what else dieser have to do to tell you she is not interested?
She does literally everything to not having to deal with you again. Even throwing your shit away so youhave no reason to come back
Or simply love with the fact that the stuff is gone and finally close that chapter of your life

We haven't talked in three months. I didn't contact her at all since that time. But I can't get her out of my head. There are reasons other than love which have contributed to my addiction to her.

Which is why I can't close this 'chapter' of my life that easily. I have tried to purge that woman from my head. It just doesn't work that way.
I have told that woman if she threw the stuff out, she should pay me for it. I did offer her that option. She doesn't budge. She gets even angrier.

She was my superior NOT my ex. This behavior is characteristic of bitter exes, NOT employers. There's a lot of bizarre stuff she has said and done which I can't state out here in public. LOL what do I do man? How do I get this woman out of my head? It's like she is omnipresent, surrounding me. Consuming me. Bit by bit. Eating away at my sanity.

I wanna talk to you in person. Discuss my situation.

[Hooo!]

Well
First of all: the person you want to have is a person that doesn’t exist. Your image of who she is to you and the reality of how she acts are absolutely and fundamentally not the same. The person you are fanatic about does not exist.

Second a decision about your stuff plays no or role or at least very little concerning your further actions

Speaking of further actions: get yourself a new job and do what is fun to you.

You are not getting over her by trying not to think about her. Yes maybe She is clever smart and sexy and maybe there was this other stuff you can’t display anonymously (lol) and everything. But that is true for a load of women out there.
You don’t need to forget about her. You can think about her if you like
However your thinking doesn’t change the fact that she does not want any contact with you at all. Obviously your actions doesn’t change that too so you can have a fond (false) memory of her if that helps you or whatever.
It just doesn’t get you anywhere.

Also decide what you want. What do you want?

[Bhujerba]

I have put her on a high pedestal and she recognizes that. Perhaps this has pushed her away from me. Thus far I have restrained from contacting her at all, primarily because I am frightened of what she could do. But the idea remains the same. IF she truly wanted to get rid of me, why would she not allow me to take my items? And if she has thrown the items out, why would she not pay me back for it? It's chump change and won't break the bank.

Well

Also decide what you want. What do you want?

I want her.
And if that is not a possibility, and I respect that, and I can understand and respect the fact that she wants nothing to do with me. Then I WANT my stuff back, or the equivalent money for the stuff (which literally is chump change).

I know for a fact that this woman speaks in tongues. She is not forthright about her feelings. She is also very egotistical. By calling me over, she would be admitting that she did after all need me.
But I am equally egoistic and I will NOT go to her uninvited. That's not who i am. So we're at an impasse.

The only tool I have to barter my way back into her life are my items. I have pestered that woman for MONTHS to let me take my stuff back. That nasty woman. She has the edge over me because of my items.

What can I do?

[Hooo!]

I still do not take your post serious
You act like a complete egoistic ass
Sorry

She does not want you to contact her.

So much we know.
If it’s only small change then forget about the stupid stuff. Your only choice of getting it back is via an eternee of law and file against her throwing your stuff away. This would probably work, cost a fortune and doesn’t get you anywhere personally or financially

I think you possibly like being dominated
Or you like making fun of people who write in love forums

[Bhujerba]

I still do not take your post serious
You act like a complete egoistic ass
Sorry

She does not want you to contact her.

So much we know.
If it’s only small change then forget about the stupid stuff. Your only choice of getting it back is via an eternee of law and file against her throwing your stuff away. This would probably work, cost a fortune and doesn’t get you anywhere personally or financially

I think you possibly like being dominated
Or you like making fun of people who write in love forums

But no. I am not making a mockery of people who write in love forums. Why would I? On the contrary, my experience with that woman has made me more sympathetic to heart broken people. Because I am heartbroken myself.

Mr Hooo! why do you think I'm being egoistic? I only want my stuff back. All of my emails and phone calls to her have been about my stuff. In a polite manner. I never threatened her or became aggressive with her.

What do you think could possibly be the reason why she hasn't returned my stuff to me?

What would you have done if you were in her place? Would you have returned my stuff to me if it meant getting rid of me forever?