Tired of feeling less and ignored

[rx123123]

I want to see if that is normal for others, and see if that’s a think that someone can change or not

[Hooo!]

Wether or not other people do regard this as normal doesn’t change the way you feel about it
You can always change every thought of yourself

[rx123123]

It does, if everyone considers the behavior as normal then i’de work on my self to accept it, but if this behavior shouldnt be the way, then i’de have to act, either by explaining thr situation to her or if there is no other option, to move on...

[TheEvilJester]

I understand what you mean, and I understand how you feel.... but I do think Hooo is right. Honestly, what we think doesn't matter. Does this bother you enough that it is a problem? It sounds like it does. No two people are alike. Some people, given the same situation as yours, maybe they wouldn't care at all. Some people will.

But, for the record, let me say this....

I personally DON'T think what you describe is necessarily "normal," no. I, honestly, agree this sort of behavior would be make or break for me. I actually had an ex who often made me feel the same way. Especially amongst friends. When her and I did something one on one it was generally fine. When I did something one on one with a friend or even on my own with a group of friends, the friend/friends and I would be just fine. ...But the moment it was her and I along with a group of friends... our friends would make it a point to include everybody... I'd make it a point to include everybody.... but with her I swear it felt like I suddenly disappeared. I was there hanging out with her and our friends. Our friends were there hanging out with her and me. ...She was there hanging out with our friends.

That was just one of a million things about her that make me perplexed how I put up with her for so long.... but the point of that story is I understand how you feel. I agree that, based on the way you are describing how she treats you.... that certainly does not sound okay/normal to ME.

As her boyfriend, you shouldn't expect that she is available to you 24/7/365, at an instant's notice she is there to text back, to hang out with you, or whatever. ....I could be wrong, but it doesn't sound to me like that is what you expect. You don't sound needy to me, based on the details you shared. You sound to me like your expectations are what any normal human being would expect in their relationship.

I COULD give her some benefit of the doubt on the texting thing if that were sort of just the way she was. But it doesn't sound like she's just not much of a texter. Sounds like she'll text her fingers to the bone with friends.... yet will basically just get to you "if she has time." The problem isn't the texting or lack of texting. The problem is she doesn't treat you like the priority she should.

Again, it is up to you how you proceed. It is up to you whether you end it or try to make things work. We may have our thoughts on that, but this is your life not ours. There could be more to her that we don't see that makes the relationship worth the chance. But, either way you decide, I do think you need to at least talk to her about it. Talk to her in a calm, open manner, but talk to her nonetheless. Good luck to you.

[Hooo!]

So if sevetysix people tell you it’s perfectly fine to drink your piss you’d do it?
This is not the way a grown up and ready for a relationship mind works

But that’s just my opinion.
If you think you can work on yourself to accept it then what did you wait for ?

[rx123123]

Eviljester thank you man, I think you are right, I need to see if what I value in our relationship is worth it to keep on going despite this behavior that I am not comfortable with, i’ll be honnest you you, she has such a great personality, she is a strong confident woman and we share a lot of things in common, except one thing, I feel I put her above others and sacrifice to keep her happy, when she doesn’t, she make sure her needs are met and forget that she the relationship is the well being and happiness of 2 people not one. After several events I realised that she lacks empathy, when I am upset or annoyed she doesn’t care less, when we are in social situations, she one upper or act condescending without thinking if her actions are affecting me. looking at it for the future this might cause a lot of conflict...

Like yesterday, i asked her a question after work, and she didnt reply and fell asleep, she was online after i sent the message, the next day she say good morning without answering the previous questions ( it was a basic question nothing that she might not wana answer) or saying sorry she fell asleep without saying gn or reply when she knows that upsets me a lot. She either do not care, or she lacks empathy and forgets sometime. It’s not an easy decision whatever I might decide to do, it’s been 2 and a half years we are together, we have all our friends in common.

Hooo, it’s not like that, i could say the exact same and if you are a bad partener, e.g cheat on your gf, and everyone tells around you think that is a bad behaviour, you won’t say: I don’t listen to what people think, And keep doing it.

- - - Updated - - -

Pardon my typos and grammar errors,i’m super tired about to sleep

[rx123123]

If you’re interested i’ve added another post on the whole story not just the message part:

Post title: i love her and i hate her

[Hooo!]

Yes the first thing to making good decisions is being realistic on your own
If you are not it’s probably better to listen to other people

[HappySpirit]

You’re probably overbearing. If not, move on to someone better...

[TheEvilJester]

And again, the way you describe her would personally be a deal breaker for me. I don't expect somebody I am with to act like I am God's gift to the world. I don't expect they should drop everything and be at my beck and call like I am the one and only thing that matters in their life. That's not at all what I am saying.

But they should treat me like I am the most important person in their life. At least if we've been together long enough to where that should be the case. Because, with the exception of yourself, shouldn't your partner be the most important person in your life? That isn't even to say or even imply they should have to forsake all others. Heck, a good partner wouldn't expect that. If, for example, you wanted to talk to her but a good friend of hers was really upset and needed a friend... then that day the friend should come first. But, as her boyfriend you should (at least in my personal opinion) be made to feel like you are her top priority.

Now, if you didn't honestly care about that kind of behavior (you really didn't mind if she treated her friends like more of a priority to you if you are at least on the list) then great. But, it sounds like this DOES bother you. Maybe she can learn to be better at it, maybe not. I can't know that. But, in my personal opinion, the issues you cite certainly ARE enough of a reason to doubt if it is worth continuing the relationship.

You may be right that she lacks empathy. Maybe that is just who she is and not something she can help or even realizes needs to be helped. So, it is entirely possible she doesn't consciously intend to do this. ...But that doesn't mean it HAS to be okay with you even if she's not meaning to make you feel unwanted. MAYBE it is just who/how she is and that may be okay for her... but maybe it is not for you.

Again, I will say good luck to you either way. I hope that you find the right resolution soon enough.