EX girlfriend showed up out of the blue> really confused

[shypshnius]

I disagree with a lot of the comments. Be polite, keep her added just don't go out of you way to contact her or anything.

If she gets in contact with you, assume she wants to see you. Make plans. If she's wishy washy, just say " alright , maybe some other time"

When she asked you what you were doing Friday, I probably just would have been fun and playful. " Why, are you missing me already? I know some place at so-so with some great craft beers we could try"

If she contacts you again, try it once more. After that, stop. Make her bring it up.

In a lot of cases, I'll give up my pride for great memories. I don't see the point in being bitter about past things. In some cases, yes, some people are so toxic that they're just not worth it.

Ya, i kinda regret it now not asking her to meetup after she added me to friends and asked me what i'm doing on friday. I really thought she was just messing with me since every time i tried to chat with her, she barely responded to me and acted really really cold. Well, who knows. Maybe i did the right thing and she is playing games afterall..

[GLYC]

Ya, i kinda regret it now not asking her to meetup after she added me to friends and asked me what i'm doing on friday. I really thought she was just messing with me since every time i tried to chat with her, she barely responded to me and acted really really cold. Well, who knows. Maybe i did the right thing and she is playing games afterall..

There was nothing completely wrong with what you said, it just was a little cold. But she could have responded to that so.

She will reach out again. Likely.

I've been in a similar situation, woman just texted me "hey", I think i replied with "hi" 8 hours or something later, this was after we hadn't spoken for months.
A few weeks later, or maybe a month later, I got this big long apology text.

You know this woman isn't afraid to reach out first. I think if you hold out she will contact you again.
Inn the meantime, just focus on you and your goals.

She broke up with you and told you not to contact her again, which is harsh. Its natural for you to not place that much emphasis on her.
That's perfectly acceptable.

*I edited that last response after you quoted me, just a heads up

[shypshnius]

There was nothing completely wrong with what you said, it just was a little cold. But she could have responded to that so.

She will reach out again. Likely.

I've been in a similar situation, woman just texted me "hey", I think i replied with "hi" 8 hours or something later, this was after we hadn't spoken for months.
A few weeks later, or maybe a month later, I got this big long apology text.

You know this woman isn't afraid to reach out first. I think if you hold out she will contact you again.
Inn the meantime, just focus on you and your goals.

She broke up with you and told you not to contact her again, which is harsh. Its natural for you to not place that much emphasis on her.
That's perfectly acceptable.

*I edited that last response after you quoted me, just a heads up

Thanks for the input. I will be doing the no contact now and will let you know if she reaches out

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Anyways, if she really wanted to meetup, why would she acting so cold whenever i tried to message her? Kind of doesn't make sense.

[GLYC]

Thanks for the input. I will be doing the no contact now and will let you know if she reaches out

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Anyways, if she really wanted to meetup, why would she acting so cold whenever i tried to message her? Kind of doesn't make sense.

You said it yourself you acted needy before. Plus, she dumped you.
A self respecting person wouldn't keep trying to reach out to someone that doesn't appreciate their presence.
You're reinforcing that that's how you are.

Women are very in tune with how men act. Things like that push them away and turn them off.

So if you look at it like that. It makes perfect sense.

[rjkennedy]

You can try it, but I wouldn't spend too much time dealing with her.

[TheEvilJester]

I disagree with a lot of the comments. Be polite, and nice, I wouldn't be so cold. Keep her added just don't go out of you way to contact her or anything.

If she gets in contact with you, assume she wants to see you. Make plans. If she's wishy washy, just say " alright , maybe some other time"

When she asked you what you were doing Friday, I probably just would have been fun and playful. " Why, are you missing me already? I know some place at so-so with some great craft beers we could try"

If she contacts you again, try it once more. After that, stop. Make her bring it up.

In a lot of cases, I'll give up my pride for great memories. I don't see the point in being bitter about things. In some cases, yes, some people are so toxic that they're just not worth it. Im not saying to bombard her trying to get her to meet you out, no. Do have self respect, which is why youre waiting for her to contact you.
But women reaching out IS definitely a good thing.

If she didn't care at all, you'd never hear from her again.

I can't speak for anybody else, but I was not intending to suggest being cold at all. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't suggest it, at least not as a default reaction. To me, that would honestly just being playing games yourself whether or not she is.

It's just, I have to respectfully disagree about directly asking her out. She has already told you to stop contacting her. Even if SHE herself then did not stick to that, let that be HER job to ask you out somewhere if she's still interested. Again, I also have to personally respectfully disagree that she's worth the time... but will again admit that is not my decision. I could certainly be wrong in feeling like she's playing games. I could certainly be mistaken in thinking her actions are strange. So, again, you have to do what feels right for you.

My personal advice would be that it sounds like she's better left in your past. But, at the very least if you do wish another chance with her, at least do so with caution. Maybe she's playing games, maybe she's not, but she's already asked you not to contact her any further in the past. So, if you seem too eager you could drive her away again whether or not her intentions were serious. For now, at the very least, I think you may be better off letting her set the pace of things. If she asks you out, you can decide if it is worth your time giving her another chance. If she doesn't, I don't think I'd personally suggest you ask her out. At least not yet. Maybe if she keeps talking to you and things seem to become more relaxed between you two the time would be right then.

Good luck to you either way.

[shypshnius]

I can't speak for anybody else, but I was not intending to suggest being cold at all. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't suggest it, at least not as a default reaction. To me, that would honestly just being playing games yourself whether or not she is.

It's just, I have to respectfully disagree about directly asking her out. She has already told you to stop contacting her. Even if SHE herself then did not stick to that, let that be HER job to ask you out somewhere if she's still interested. Again, I also have to personally respectfully disagree that she's worth the time... but will again admit that is not my decision. I could certainly be wrong in feeling like she's playing games. I could certainly be mistaken in thinking her actions are strange. So, again, you have to do what feels right for you.

My personal advice would be that it sounds like she's better left in your past. But, at the very least if you do wish another chance with her, at least do so with caution. Maybe she's playing games, maybe she's not, but she's already asked you not to contact her any further in the past. So, if you seem too eager you could drive her away again whether or not her intentions were serious. For now, at the very least, I think you may be better off letting her set the pace of things. If she asks you out, you can decide if it is worth your time giving her another chance. If she doesn't, I don't think I'd personally suggest you ask her out. At least not yet. Maybe if she keeps talking to you and things seem to become more relaxed between you two the time would be right then.

Good luck to you either way.

Honestly, the next time she's gonna message me (if she does), i will just respond with: "I'm sorry, i'm not feeling like playing your mind games anymore. Only message me when you would be willing to see me. I've missed you. Gotta go now. Bye". And i will just leave it like that. What ya think?

[Hooo!]

I think you didn’t answer my question.

[shypshnius]

I think you didn’t answer my question.

What do i want? I want to get her back obviously.

[TheEvilJester]

I mean, just me personally... I don't think that is the route I would go if I were you. Particularly considering your answer to Hooo's question. If you want her back, why say something that may drive her away? Many of us are speculating she is playing games, but that doesn't automatically mean we are right. Just an one example, if she were to ask you out somewhere, then flip flop on that, then you asked her about a different day to reschedule and she gave you crap about being too clingy... then I'd be pretty certain she was playing games and I'd say be as cold as you want.

But, if you want her back, then maybe just give her time. If she reaches out to you, be friendly, but leave it at that. Don't ask her out if she doesn't ask you out. Give it some time and hopefully either she'll ask you... or you'll be comfortable enough that you two have been friendly that you can ask her then. All the same, though, don't wait indefinitely. At some point, she needs to decide whether she wants you out of her life for good, or whether she' be open to a second chance.... and she needs to stick to it. It's okay for her to decide whatever feels right for her in that regard... but it is not okay to string you along. So, I wouldn't say you wait too long, though.

Again, take all of that with a grain of salt, as it is just the opinion of this weird guy (he says, pointing at himself and grinning like an idiot). I don't profess to know everything, so it could be what I said doesn't feel right for you. If it does not, then you should do what feels right for you. But, I offer my thoughts in hopes that maybe they will help, at least in some way. Good luck to you!

[Hooo!]

So- if you want to get her back How come you are tired of her mind games?

[GLYC]

I can't speak for anybody else, but I was not intending to suggest being cold at all. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't suggest it, at least not as a default reaction. To me, that would honestly just being playing games yourself whether or not she is.

It's just, I have to respectfully disagree about directly asking her out. She has already told you to stop contacting her. Even if SHE herself then did not stick to that, let that be HER job to ask you out somewhere if she's still interested. Again, I also have to personally respectfully disagree that she's worth the time... but will again admit that is not my decision. I could certainly be wrong in feeling like she's playing games. I could certainly be mistaken in thinking her actions are strange. So, again, you have to do what feels right for you.

My personal advice would be that it sounds like she's better left in your past. But, at the very least if you do wish another chance with her, at least do so with caution. Maybe she's playing games, maybe she's not, but she's already asked you not to contact her any further in the past. So, if you seem too eager you could drive her away again whether or not her intentions were serious. For now, at the very least, I think you may be better off letting her set the pace of things. If she asks you out, you can decide if it is worth your time giving her another chance. If she doesn't, I don't think I'd personally suggest you ask her out. At least not yet. Maybe if she keeps talking to you and things seem to become more relaxed between you two the time would be right then.

Good luck to you either way.

I agree that she's probably not worth it.

No woman I've ever dated that I've had a great long term connection with, has acted this way, although the OP has probably made a ton of mistakes. He hasn't really revealed what those are, he just said he was acting needy.

The removing from Facebook is kinda extreme, unless you were acting like a complete psycho or something.

Although, this user has different issues, since he got dumped for a certain reason.
Most women have a hard time confronting someone with being needy or whatever, it is kind of a hard thing to expose to someone.

I would just let her go, and work on more self mastery. Its important to become what you want to attract. Work on becoming a more secure, strong person.
In all honesty, it's kind of a necessity to have a GREAT relationship.

But I'm not here to completely tell you how to live your life. So I stand by what I previously said. If she contacts you, just make suggestions on getting together, and say, "hey, I'd love to see you again, just let me know when you're free" and let her go. Letting her walk away, and walking away yourself shows how self disciplined and non needy you are.

[madotnw_nihs]

So she is a little b*tch that plays games but you want to get back with her. If that's the case, you can wait and let her dictate the correspondence.

[shypshnius]

I agree that she's probably not worth it.

No woman I've ever dated that I've had a great long term connection with, has acted this way, although the OP has probably made a ton of mistakes. He hasn't really revealed what those are, he just said he was acting needy.

The removing from Facebook is kinda extreme, unless you were acting like a complete psycho or something.

Although, this user has different issues, since he got dumped for a certain reason.
Most women have a hard time confronting someone with being needy or whatever, it is kind of a hard thing to expose to someone.

I would just let her go, and work on more self mastery. Its important to become what you want to attract. Work on becoming a more secure, strong person.
In all honesty, it's kind of a necessity to have a GREAT relationship.

But I'm not here to completely tell you how to live your life. So I stand by what I previously said. If she contacts you, just make suggestions on getting together, and say, "hey, I'd love to see you again, just let me know when you're free" and let her go. Letting her walk away, and walking away yourself shows how self disciplined and non needy you are.

Ya, that's what i've already decided. I'm just gonna ask her straight away whether she wants to meet me or not as soon as she messages me (if she will ever again).

[shypshnius]

Quick update: so yeah.. She messaged me this Friday in the evening once again asking: "what are you doing tomorrow?". She said that it would be fun to meetup since we haven't seen each other for a while. I asked her: "are you sure you want this?" and she said yes. So i called her the next day on Saturday and asked her for a coffee. And you know what? She said: "sorry, i feel tired, not today"... Then i asked her out once again on Sunday and she replied with: "if my friend will let me" and sent me a photo of him sitting next to her in a bar... I assume it's her boyfriend... She also added: "i will message you myself when i need you". I responded with: "sorry, i'm not a doormat and i'm not willing to wait forever". So i'm pretty sure that she's just playing games and ****ing with my mind now for some reason.. Why do you think she would be doing this? Like what's even the point? If she's in relationship with someone else, why would she even message me telling me that she wants to meetup but when i ask her out, she refuses to? Kinda blows my mind..