EX girlfriend showed up out of the blue> really confused

[shypshnius]

Hi, so here's what i'm really confused about. I broke up with my ex girlfriend like 2 months ago ( i was dumped for being way too clingy/needy ). The thing is, i still do love her and i actually texted her on new years evening wishing her happy new year. We texted for a bit that evening before she replied with: "please don't text me anymore, i don't want any problems. Just don't show in my life anymore". and removed me from facebooks friends list. I just responded with: "Okay". However, whats really strange she actually messaged me herself in the evening the day after! She texted me: "well, i am coming to visit your town tonight". I just replied with: "that's great, have a good evening!"And that's it.. i didn't want to ask her if she was willing to meet up for a coffee or something just because what she texted me the day before.. So all of this happened like 2 weeks ago. What's interesting, she actually just invited me to friends on facebook at 3am yesterday. I did accept the invite, however she did not text me anything yet. I really don't wanna text her first.. Do you think i should? Or should i just wait for her to break the ice? Thank you!

[shypshnius]

By the way, the same day she sent me a friend request, she posted this on her facebook wall: Do you think it's towards me and is supposed to mean anything? I have a feeling she wants to get back together but doesn't have the courage to say it.. What are your thoughts?

I have in this story something to confess
I already understood very well what happened
And although it hurts so much I have to accept
That you are not the bad one, that the bad one is me

Okay, I do not really, really wanna fight anymore
I do not really, really want to fake it no more
Play me like The Beatles, baby, just let it be
So come on, put the blame on me, yeah

[madotnw_nihs]

She sounds needy and high maintenance. I am afraid she will keep playing you and string you along. I would just stop contact.

[Hooo!]

What do you want?

[GLYC]

I'd just hang back, past events show signs of future events.

She's not afraid to reach out first.

But. You should have spoken your truth. When she dumped you, and said she wanted you out of your life, I personally would have said a little more than just "okay".

I would have said for her to let me know if she ever changes her mind, then when she reaches out to you in the future, you can just assume it's because she's changed her mind.

She's probably confused right now and wondering if she made the right move. Why? You aren't begging or pleading like a needy guy, which is probably what she thought you'd do. However, you're taking what she did in a non-needy way. So she's thinking "Hmm.. maybe I was wrong about that guy?"

[rjkennedy]

Sounds like she's the one who's the needy one. She sounds like a control freak and just want to lead you on. She has no serious plans of every getting back together with you. She's a manipulator and messing with your head. I've seen this type before. Trust me, she's not worth your time. Move on.

[shypshnius]

Update: she just messaged me earlier today asking: "What are you doing on friday?". I replied that i don't have any plans for the evening. She have not asked me to meet up directly though. Thoughts?

[madotnw_nihs]

No one can tell you whether you should meet her. It's completely up to and how you feel about her. To me, either she is immature and doesn't think clearly before making decisions or that she is playing a game.
Either way, I personally would drop her like a bad habit.

[shypshnius]

No one can tell you whether you should meet her. It's completely up to and how you feel about her. To me, either she is immature and doesn't think clearly before making decisions or that she is playing a game.
Either way, I personally would drop her like a bad habit.

What kind of game would she be playing though? Like what's even the point?

[madotnw_nihs]

It could be that she wants to see how this can twist you. It could be fun for her, but she doesn't realize or care how you feel.

[CantMoveOn]

Sounds like she wanted some attention and threw you some breadcrumbs and you snatched them all up and she got the validation she wanted from you. Next time ignore her, especially after she rudely told you don't text me again or show up in my life, I don't need the problems. If I was you I would never have replied to her again after that.

[TheEvilJester]

I would like to say I could have a more positive outlook on it, but I am pretty much in agreement with the others. At one point she asks you not to contact her anymore. It did seem a little harsh... but I could have let her slide on that. It is understandable if, with your relationship being over, she'd rather move on and not have you in her life. Honestly, in most cases it is much better to just make a clean break rather than try to "be friends."

...But then after telling you to stop contacting her.... SHE starts contacting you. SHE adds you back on Facebook. SHE invites you to some party. I don't even know that much about her and I already feel like she sounds like too much drama. Heck, for the sake of argument, let's say you WERE too clingy/needy and it led to the relationship ending. I'm not saying you WERE. Maybe you were, maybe you weren't. But, I'm just saying, for the sake of argument.... Even if you WERE and her reasons for ending things were legit, then she needs to stick by it and leave you alone.

If she wanted to give you another chance, then fine. If not, then fine. But, what is NOT fine is to play games like this. You ask us what kind of games could she be playing? What could she get out of it? Honestly, who knows? More importantly, who cares, honestly? It really doesn't matter what she gets out of it. You deserve somebody who will be honest with you, and somebody who will give you the chance you deserve. She told you to go away, but then suddenly starts reaching out to you? My personal advice would be to move on and find somebody else.

IF maybe you feel you did have some issues in the past of being too clingy/needy then it certainly doesn't hurt to work on improving that. I'd never suggest against somebody working on positive self-improvement. But, either way, you deserve somebody who will appreciate you, not somebody who will use you or be so hot and cold with you.

As I often do, I will offer this if you decide you want to keep seeing where this is going. That wouldn't be my personal advice, but I am not one to tell people what to do. Rather, I prefer to offer my thoughts on the matter as to what I might do if it were me. So, if giving her another chance is what you really want, then my advice would be to at least proceed carefully. Many of us seem to be of the opinion she is just playing games, so at least exercise some caution in case we are right. Don't just let her back in all at once. People CAN change, but the rarely do, and especially so quickly. There's a good chance the same thing would just happen all over again. Maybe not, but you at least shouldn't let your guard down instantly. Again, my personal advice would be just to leave her in your past, but you do have to do what feels right for you.

Good luck to you either way.

[rjkennedy]

I agree with madotnw, she's a scatter brain wasting your time. Dump her!

[shypshnius]

By the way, do you think it would ruin my chances of ever meeting her again if i removed her from friends after she added me? If she asks why i did that, i will just say that i don't feel like playing her mind games anymore.

[GLYC]

I disagree with a lot of the comments. Be polite, and nice, I wouldn't be so cold. Keep her added just don't go out of you way to contact her or anything.

If she gets in contact with you, assume she wants to see you. Make plans. If she's wishy washy, just say " alright , maybe some other time"

When she asked you what you were doing Friday, I probably just would have been fun and playful. " Why, are you missing me already? I know some place at so-so with some great craft beers we could try"

If she contacts you again, try it once more. After that, stop. Make her bring it up.

In a lot of cases, I'll give up my pride for great memories. I don't see the point in being bitter about things. In some cases, yes, some people are so toxic that they're just not worth it. Im not saying to bombard her trying to get her to meet you out, no. Do have self respect, which is why youre waiting for her to contact you.
But women reaching out IS definitely a good thing.

If she didn't care at all, you'd never hear from her again.