A unique situation and hoping for help.

[Waffl3z]

I have never posted on a forum for advice before, just been having problems lately and realize that my situation differs from most of the threads that I have read. I apologize for the length but any help would be muchly appreciated.

Okay, been living with a girl for the past 3 years. I am much older than her. She is 20 and i am 27, so i was 24 and she was 17 when we met. I had 2 children with two seperate mom's and me and her had a child a year ago. That's right folks... 3 kids and 3 different moms. When she moved in she was only 18 but she did great around the house and we had fun together most of the time. After she had her own child, everything changed. She instantly became distant from my two kids and started being VERY negative about everything imaginable. She up and moved out 3 weeks ago saying her reasoning was that with me and my kids it was all too hard and was making her into a bitter person... but the MAIN reason for her leaving was my lack of involvement in wanting to party anymore or do things together outside of the house. After she left she called me at 5:00 AM and wanted me to come over (I wonder why? :-) ) So I said no because I was still pissed off that she left. One week later she asked me to take her to the fair and I said no. She called again the same night and again, I said no.

So she meets a childhood boyfriend while she is at the fair and has now started a relationship with him. This made me want her back in the worst way that you wouldn't believe it. I can't sleep, haven't been eating good (lost 6 pounds in 5 days), pour my heart out to her everytime I get the chance. Bought her flowers and ripped up rose petals and put them in front of her car door on the ground while she was at work (i know it's corny :-) ) She still rejected me, although she said it made her blush for about 2 hours. I know she slept with the new boyfriend and this f***ing infuriates me, but i have no right to really be mad and I know that. It really pains me though, that she is chosing him over me... yet still shows me affection a bit to keep me as a security blanket.

After she has been seeing the new guy for a week, 2 days ago I went over to her house to visit with the baby and was drinking. She was sober and whenever I asked her if she wanted me to leave she would say no. I ended up staying the night over there and we had sex. Not just sex, but asking me to hold her in bed afterward and all of that good stuff. I left for work the next morning and I know she had the guy back over that night, she said he left early though because she had to work in the morning and he was going out with his cousin or some s**t.

Today when she came over on her lunch break to see the baby she (out of the blue) jumped on my lap and wrapped her arms around me and gave me a kiss. I layed on the floor with her for a minute or two and kissed her a few times and she wrapped her leg around me... I don't mean to be so explicit but I want you all to know that she was being responsive,,, not just me pushing it on her. This evening she called to make arrangements for me to drop the baby back off at her house and I asked her if she wanted me to stay and hang out and she said she didn't care but if her boyfriend calls her she is going to invite him over.

I got pissed off and hung up, dropped the baby off, and left quickly.

It should be noted that we are not being irresponsible with the child whatsoever. No animosity, desperation, or otherwise negative attention is being inractured on her.

The question that is bugging me is...

No contact rule can't be implied here obviously because of the baby. Should I continue to show her that I really care, or just ignore her and act like I have moved on (though, this can't be further from the truth). I do love her very much and realize our mistakes. I truly believe we can make it work again if she is willing to give us a chance to.

[whaywardj]

Waffl -- Play a mind game with yourself. However old your children are, imagine they see and understanding everything you and your girlfriend do, either with each other or with others, even if they aren't present. If they could do that, what would you like them to think of you? For example, what would you like them think of the fact that you never married one of their mothers? (Or, at least, don't say otherwise in your post.)

Then play another mind game: Project yourself far into your future. Look back from that vantage and ask yourself how you might feel then about what you're doing now.

[Waffl3z]

I am sorry I should have clarified that. I did not marry my first child's mother caouse I was a junior in high school, we have joint custody now and get along fine. She is going to be 10 years old. My son will be 7 and I was married to his mother. We were divorced after being together for 6 years (married for two) My new ex i would have married eventually but I wanted to wait and not rush in learning from my previous marriage.

[whaywardj]

I see. Assuming things remain unchanged, you can well imagine in a mind game, then, how your first and third child might, sooner or later, feel slighted that you didn't marry THEIR mother, but DID marry your second child's mother. "What was wrong with us?" they might wonder, and feel hurt.

I think you see my point. The idea of the mind games is to surface perceptions that help a body see some of the possible future impacts of what they're doing in their present. All other things being equal, once a person realizes the full import of some of those possible impacts, they usually adjust their behavior accordingly and things in the present tend to smooth out for the better of all concerned.

[mini696]

I'm assuming you didn't marry your 3rd missus either?

If I were you. I would drop ties with her, and take full custody of the kid. Make it known to her you aren't willing to put up with her crap.

OR

I would just keep ****ing her as much as I can.

[mini696]

...your first and third child might, sooner or later, feel slighted that you didn't marry THEIR mother, but DID marry your second child's mother. "What was wrong with us?" they might wonder, and feel hurt.

Ohhh sniff, sniff

Stuff the little buggers. They'll learn why eventually, and if something as meaningless as that scars them, hopefully the'll jump off a building and rid the world of pussy minded, shy little skirts like themselves. As if you should live miserably and use something like that as an excuse for remaining unmarried, and unfulfilled in you life.

Mick

[whaywardj]

You actually ARE a jerk, aren't you, Mini?

[misombra]

i wonder how old the other babys mamas were when you first met them.

and of course she went off with another guy. a kid and family life at 20 is rough. that's the time when you're kinda "allowed" to experiment. 17 to 24 imo is the age when people want to do their thing and not be tied down to one person.

you need to find a woman your age. of course women your age would probably freak out because you have a bunch of kids from a bunch of moms.

wear condoms man. you're reproducing like a rabbit.

stop having sex with this person.

[whaywardj]

Maybe, stop having sex, period. Lot of college tuitions already racked up.

[Asip4u]

I would just keep ****ing her as much as I can.

What have you been smoking dude?

You actually ARE a jerk, aren't you, Mini?

---I agree with this post---

[misombra]

you could get a vasectomy.

[mini696]

Before you go calling me a jerk, and before you start agreeing. Just think about what you are going against here.

You think you should remain unhappy just because you child is upset?
Get off you moral high horse.


There are two options. Pick one.

1. -Living without marrying-
How would you like to be brought up in a house with one parent, being shared and passed between mum and dad like your a burden. Not just that, but dads miserable because there is the woman of his dreams waiting for him, but doesnt do it because the kid said no. The kid learns this -Winge and I'll get what I want. The child wont learn about relationships either, they will be bitter, and the dad will be bitter towards them for not letting him have his wife.

2. -Marrying-
The kid gets pissed because you didn't marry their mum. Your an adult, you know why your child is upset, so you explain the situation. Along comes mum number two, you marry her, and can show the child what a loving and fullfilled relationship is about.

The bigest problem I see is jealousy between siblings, but thats always going to be a problem anyway.

All I am saying is... Dont let you CHILD make your decisions.

Mick

[whaywardj]

And another one bites my list.

(Never cared for anyone who wagged their finger at me, as if they had a monopoly on the truth. Oh, my! That's the same thing as a "moral high horse" isn't it?)

[Asip4u]

lol..yea whaywardj, This is AmI with a twist.

[mini696]

And another one bites my list.

(Never cared for anyone who wagged their finger at me, as if they had a monopoly on the truth. Oh, my! That's the same thing as a "moral high horse" isn't it?)

Well you can stop wagging that finger now then. Please 'point' me to where I was wagging. Hmmmm...

You truly think by slamming my opinion its going to make yours any better? Just because you choose to insult instead of debate doesnt make you right.

I dont have a monopoly on the truth. I can see both sides of any story, but it doesnt give you the right to call me a jerk and then claim I'm the one who thinks hes right over everone else.

Put me on your list... Put everyone on your list... You only want to read posts you sent yourself anyway.

Mick