My boyfriend's parents don't want us to get married

[Hajar]

Hello everyone.
I'm sorry if this is long, but please read it, I really need help.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years now, (he's the only boyfriend I ever had) and we have been seriously thinking of getting married by the end of next year until all of a sudden I was informed few days ago (on my birthday / our anniversary) by him that we can't do it because his parents don't approve of me, they think their kid should be with someone who is a little more curvy, blonde, and tall and comes from a very well known family (which I'm not at all), and they also want grand children and it's hard for me because I have fertility issues. I wasn't chocked that much because I've always felt that his mom doesn't like me but what chocked me is knowing that he had hid from them the fact that we're together, and they only see me as his best friend so they were just warning him of not developing the relationship to the point of falling in love because that's not going to lead anywhere (when in fact, we've been in love for 3 years), I tried to play it very calm and asked what should we do now, he said he suggests we become close friends because that's safer for the moment and also because he wants to remain in contact with me since I have some medical issues going on, this is the second thing that chocked me. I agreed on what he said because he left me no other choice, but I am very hurt and confused. And now he's saying he's leaving the country to have a master's degree and work abroad, which he never brought up before. Please note that I had let go of a lot of opportunities just because we were getting married (which he doesn't know about).
What do you guys think ? Please help me out.

[madotnw_nihs]

Sounds like there are a bunch of communication issues between you two. You are hiding important from him and he from you as well. Are you sure he was fully committed to you and wanting to get married. To me, his actions does not exemplify that. He also is clearly choosing his parents, education, and career over you.

[Hajar]

Thank you so much for the answer.
I agree with you, however, from my side, I only hid from him the opportunities because whenever I used to inform him about them back at the time, he used to tell me it's disrespectful since I "neglected" our plans of getting married (most of opportunities were in a different city from the one where we were getting married in) So in order to sacrifice and make things smoother between us, I stooped doing that.

[madotnw_nihs]

I do see why you were hiding those things from him. But it just illustrates how your relationship isn't strong enough.

I will be blunt with my theory here. He never thought about being married to you, so he hid it from his parents. He didn't tell you he is leaving the country as he doesn't want you to leave either. I am assuming you guys were having sex?

[Hajar]

No, we are not, he had mentioned it before several times but I am waiting until marriage. And we recently had a big fight about this (in September).

[madotnw_nihs]

How old are you two?

[Hajar]

I just turned out 23, and he is almost 26.

[madotnw_nihs]

So what advice are you trying to seek here? Are you looking for ways to get him back? It seems he has made up his mind to go overseas. Are you looking for why he steer the relationship this way?

[Hajar]

I honestly thought it was because of his parents and was looking for maybe someone who's been in a similar situation.

But now, it's pretty clear that it's him, and if he wanted me a lot as he claimed he did, he should have fought and not suggest we become close friends.

I want to know if I should keep in touch or just cut it all off.

Thank you so much, you helped me a lot.

[madotnw_nihs]

I know it sucks that this may be the case. Again, I am only telling you what I think based on the information you have provided. I can't imagine going through a relationship and being strung along until the end. To me, he doesn't even seem worthwhile to have as a friend. I can tell you a similar experience I had. I was with an ex of mine years ago. We wanted to get married and my parents didn't like her either due to background and other BS. It was around xmas time and we wanted to just go and get our marriage registered. The city hall was closed for the holidays. We then drove 8 hours to another city to see if it's open, but it wasn't. I tried everything I could do to get married, but it just wasn't meant to be. It was a long distance relationship so eventually it didn't work out for us. But you get the idea what he should be doing if he felt the same way.

[Hajar]

I completely agree with you and what you did with your ex proves that you cared so much about her and were genuine.

Last update, he has become so weird in a sense that he keeps saying everyone hates him, everyone is ruining his life... he's playing the victim. and now he's the one not talking to me when in reality, I was so naively understanding of his "parents situation" and agreed to what he wanted.

I guess this is just too overwhelming and i seriously can't take it anymore.

[madotnw_nihs]

Yeah, I agree that you should walk away. You will get through this and find someone right for you.