How do i accept being alone my whole life?

[jeffersson]

My flaws:


Introvert.
Very unattractive (1 of 10 on the look scale).
Weird and odd.
Low social status.
Unkissed virgin.
Low income job.
Etc

I am a classic "loser guy", and guys like me are never in relationship, maybe just 0.1 % of us (the best ones), so its mission impossible.

I tried fix myself, but nothing is working.

My only hope is that a women accept me for who i am no matter how much of a loser i am but lets face it, that will never happen.

I never had a female friend. Women either ignore me or it ends after 3-4 sentance.

Guys who are like me are viewed as a "creep" or "sociopath" due to all the flaws i have. People have all kind of sterotypes about "loser guys".

I dont believe in the crap about "there is someone for everyone" etc. I know many who lived alone whole life.

So my question is, how do i accept the fact that i will never be in a relationship? I feel really bad when i think about it.... I understand it is not a right to be in a relationship, but still i have this urge to have one....not sure why....


I want to let go, to forget about women.

[Hooo!]

First of all
Sex and relationships are overrated

Second of all
Being an introvert is nothing wrong

Furthermore
Looks are not very important for men generally speaking. They help but that’s about it. Think about your face like a woman’s boobs. Maybe you’ve got ugly boobs and small ones too
Doesn’t mean you won’t get some.
Important is clothing style and being groomed. Hitting the gym and caring for your body doesn’t hurt either

Low income job and low social status are limiting belief
Homeless drug addicts get sex and girlfriends.

The most important thing of all is:
You don’t need a girlfriend
You don’t even knew what to do with one of you had one. The whole idea of having people is a social status idea.
Im not sure you really want a girlfriend.
Im pretty sure you want someone who is your friend and close to you. And a gf can be that. But other people can be too

I suggest going to a legal hooker and having sex if that’s really so important to you. Shower beforehand.

Meanwhile watch the ted talk „the power of introverts“
Read „the game“ by Neal Strauss
Watch zan perrions foundation of attraction series

Come back here if you really want to change a bit of yourself (the creepy bit)

[TheEvilJester]

I wish I could tell you there was some magical answer. Some easy formula you could follow that would either A) get you women or B) allow you to be happy even if you have to do so alone. Unfortunately, there is no easy answer. Believe me, my life would have been SO much better if there was. I know SO much how you feel. I don't think I'd necessarily generally be described as "creepy," but people are often afraid of me. I have also never considered myself attractive. I mean, it is hard for me to judge since I'm not attracted to men, so I have no clue really how attractive or not I am to women....

But I've never felt like I was attractive. I've sort of thought myself a monster my whole life. It's only recently that I am doubting my old image of myself. That I'm beginning to think maybe I'm not so ugly after all. I mean.... I'm still no Bradley Cooper or Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson, but I am beginning to think I'm not as bad as I'd always thought. I've also been learning to appreciate myself more. These days, I have actually been ridiculously happy... and I've been able to achieve that myself.

....Yet at the end of the day I am still alone. I am still alone, and I still believe it is my destiny to be alone forever. ....Yet God (if you believe in such a creature) thought it would be funny to doom me to that fate and yet make me such a hopeless romantic. So, for YEARS of my life I struggled with wanting love so badly and yet feeling so hopeless to ever find it. And, like you, it isn't like I didn't try. I tried improving things about myself, I tried having a positive outlook and taking better care of myself. Nothing mattered. It often feels to me like getting a relationship is just a given to everybody else in the world, and yet so impossible for me.

I often used an analogy that it was like every human person action figure came packaged with fun accessories, extra outfits, and a boyfriend/girlfriend of their choice... whereas the manufacturer remembered all my fun accessories and outfits, even remembered my kung fu grip.... but forgot the girlfriend. There's just the empty part of the package where she was SUPPOSED to go.

These days, I'm coming to accept it, though, and for that I have been happier than EVER in my life. Happier than I ever thought possible. I wish I could say it was easy, but I most certainly did not come by that easily. For me, the big turning point was discovering a new hobby that made me happy, and actually made me appreciate ME. For me, that was cosplay. Obviously that isn't for everybody, but that really helped me. So, I would say that could be a good start for you. Not cosplay specifically (unless you think you may enjoy that as well) but just find a hobby or hobbies that you enjoy. Something that makes you happy and can help you to feel better about you.

Bonus points, as well, if the hobby can be something social. Something you do with OTHER people. Because, you never know. It just may be a hobby that will involve some women.... and maybe you will meet a special lady there even when you aren't expecting it. That said, don't do this new hobby of yours (whatever it may be) thinking you are going to meet women. Do it just because YOU enjoy it, and you'll continue to enjoy it whether you do so alone or with a special lady by your side.

It isn't easy, believe me I know. But, in the long run, the trick is learning to appreciate yourself. Which, again, I know from experience how hard that can be. Especially when you want love so badly. People often say "If you can't love yourself how will anybody else ever love you?" But, I've always found that advice to be such BS. For a guy like me, you might as well just say "Nobody will ever love you." Because, I already have a hard enough time appreciating myself and then the fact that I can't find love only makes that worse. I think, rather, the better advice is a sort of "fake it til you make it" kind of policy. In other words, it is okay if maybe you don't feel all that comfortable in your own skin.... but don't carry yourself in life as though that is the case. Be friendly and charming to other people as much as you can to the point that they'd think you are perfectly happy. You don't have to be a fake person, you can be yourself, but it is just better to learn to allow yourself some positivity and ignore the negativity as much as you can.

I know that is so much information I threw at you, and believe me I know how it all just feels like meaningless words. This is a life long struggle for guys like us. But, I am living proof that there CAN be a way out of the darkness. HOPEFULLY in your sake that way out can include a loving partner. If not, hopefully you can at least learn to appreciate you and find a way to be okay with just you even if some part of you may always wish for love.

Good luck, friend.

[Hooo!]

There are certain key factors that you have to get down in order for you to attract women

An attractive face is not one of them
But attitude is

Your sticky point jester and Jefferson probably too is what people call inner game
Especially limiting beliefs about yourselves about women sex and or relationship and dating.

From my personal point of view attitude is THE number one thing you have to work on in order to be able to relate to people and attractive women in particular.
And that is learnable. People called me creep and freak much in my teens. And it has been a lot work changing myself.
But if i can do it you can too
If you want.

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And ofc if you learn the right things

It’s like learning to play music. It’s very hard if you want to be an autodidact
And there are good and bad instructions and not every piece of advise gets you where you want to be in the end.
It takes time and dedication. And you might never be the Madonna of the industry. But it is learnable to a certain and fulfilling degree

[madotnw_nihs]

If you don't want to be alone, then work on improving yourself and stop pitying yourself. If you don't mind being alone, then keep doing what you are doing.

[GLYC]

I agree withat a lot of the stuff said, its likely your vibe.

As for looks, as men, work out, invest in nice quality clothes (you don't need blazers or $80 shirts, but nice quality), have good hygiene. That alone will boost you up tremendously. Work out for 6 months, regularly, make it part of your routine. Make it not an option but a necessity. 5 hours a week.

Looks do matter. They are not as significant as they are really for women. But they do matter, if you're not st least a 5/10 on a woman's scale, she won't give you an opportunity. Looks are also a first impression.

When you look at someone in good shape wearing decent clothed what do you think? Motivated. Successful. Dedicated.

Now, you really don't have to be in perfect shape, I'm not, but the greater you are, the more it will help you. You will naturally just ooze confidence because you will feel good. As for the relationship stuff, dont worry, it can be overcome. Work on becoming better every day. I was always the friend that was single, was never really getting any sort of woman that I'd like to go out with me. I was never a terrible guy, i had great qualities but was introverted like you, but the women I wanted never stuck around for long. It sucked.
But that's changed.

You can overcome this stuff. And the truth is you have to. You do it for you. Your friends cant do it for you, your family can't do it for you. You have to do it.

Read books, watch seminars, get audiobooks. Not pickup artist material, but actual dating and relationship skills.
You will be waaaay ahead of any man your age.
So many men out there don't get. So many. There's so many terrible relationships out there as well.

At the very least, you will have made yourself a great individual. And you will be like "Fck it. If I'm single for the rest of my life, that's just the way it is", and ironically, that's when you're in your most powerful state. Your content with being single, and that places you in the best position to date.

[jeffersson]

If you don't want to be alone, then work on improving yourself and stop pitying yourself. If you don't mind being alone, then keep doing what you are doing.

I have worked on improving myself for a very long time but its not working.

Its hard to stop pity myself, trust me i dont want to, its why i ask how to accept being alone my whole life. i want to move on and just forget about women.

[Hooo!]

Bullshit
If you had worked on improving yourself you would not have any of the limiting beliefs you stated above

If you had worked on yourself (the right way) you would understand which things matter and which don’t.

Since you obviously have neither you have been improving the wrong skills or the wrong attitude.

[GLYC]

I agree with [MENTION=85121]Hooo![/MENTION]

I think you're feeding us bullshit. Life is a journey, your goals are a journey, it's about getting a little bit better everyday.

Are you where you want to be in your career?
Is your body in a healthy way that you feel comfortable with?
Do you have the hobbies you dream of having?

You have to BE THAT WISH YOU WISH TO ATTRACT.

The truth is, women want an equal. They want a man that has value, and that value begins with valuing yourself and going for what you want in life.

[pcmaster]

You need to stop fapping. Being alone is not excuse to waste sexual energy. If you pm me on nofap site (same username) then I could provide you with some reading materials.

Also you think bad about yourself and girls can sense that. It will take months to build up confidence. But you need to focus and have a passion. It doesnt matter if you work dead end job. If you detocate all your spare time and means to the thing you love or want, like passion or hobby then you can achieve a lot.
You said you worked on yourself. That might be true but obviously you didn't last long. You lack motivation and consistency in life. Motivation will come from social interactions. And consistency will come from exercising your willpower. Right now you are weak but you have to dive deep within yourself to get to know yourself and how you function, then you can make changes.
I think you need to start taking care of yourself, getting rid of addictions, accepting yourself, socializing and thats how you become stronger in life. Everything else should come naturally with the time.

[TheEvilJester]

Whereas I DO agree with a lot of what has been said, I do have to respectfully disagree with one thing. That is how easy people seem to be making it out to seem. Like it is easy to just decide "Okay. I'm going to improve myself now." And then you just get in the gym, you get nice new clothes, and suddenly you have self-confidence. It just doesn't work like that. Not for everybody. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying you shouldn't do that stuff, because you definitely SHOULD. I'm just saying, I don't necessarily feel like jeffersson is "feeding us bull$h*t" by saying he's TRIED improving himself and it didn't help.

I've been there myself. There have been a few times where I had that motivation pop up. I said to myself I was finally going to get out there and just TAKE my piece of the pie. Got into exercising, got into eating healthier, got into positive hobbies that made me happy, etc. ....It didn't change anything as it related to love.... and that eventually just caused me to crash all over again.

What has been the difference for me this time? I got into exercise.... I got into eating healthier.... I got into fun hobbies.... FOR ME. This time I didn't do any of this stuff thinking "I want to find love, and I want to make myself a better person for when that girl comes along..." I did it all thinking "I DESERVE this. I deserve to feel better. I want to find love.... FOR MYSELF." I'll admit, I'm not the best person to ask when it comes to finding love. I'm still clueless. I'm still pretty certain it will always elude me. But, I've been focusing on appreciating me. I've not closed myself off to love. If an opportunity presented itself I wouldn't shy away from it. But, I'm not actively seeking it out.

And, jeffersson, that doesn't necessarily mean my same journey is right for you. Maybe you can/should still search out love actively. Where there definitely IS some overlap, though, is that you definitely need to appreciate YOU a lot more. I know... SO much easier said than done. It's a worthwhile journey, though. Because you are the only person you are guaranteed to have around for the rest of your life. So, you deserve to care for yourself and appreciate yourself. You'll be surprised. When you care more for yourself... it starts to become an outward thing. You don't even realize it, but you start to feel better and... I don't know a better way to put this, you just sort of put out a positive energy. People can kind of sense that.

In the end, the goal is to care about yourself enough that you can find ways to be happy even if you are alone..... but to still keep your heart open to find love. To want love, but be happy with or without it. Not easy by any means, but if you can get there it is a great feeling.

[madotnw_nihs]

I didn't say it's easy. But you have to do it if you want it bad enough. I agree with Evil that you have to do it yourself and not love. What if you are in the process of improving yourself and stuck out with girl. Are you just going to lose motivation? Look for self help training courses and have someone hold you accountable.

[HelpmePlease10]

trying to fill up my 15 posts to PM sorry.

[jeffersson]

Bullshit
If you had worked on improving yourself you would not have any of the limiting beliefs you stated above

If you had worked on yourself (the right way) you would understand which things matter and which don’t.

Since you obviously have neither you have been improving the wrong skills or the wrong attitude.

I have worked very hard to improve myself. The limiting beliefs are true and not something that exists in my head only.

Improving the wrong skills?

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I think you need to start taking care of yourself, getting rid of addictions, accepting yourself, socializing and thats how you become stronger in life. Everything else should come naturally with the time.

The problem is that no matter how much i accept myself and no matter how much i socializing i will still never be accepted by anyone. My flaws is too many and too severe and there is no cure for it, i really tried. My only chance to have a romantic relationship is if a women accept me for who i am but that will ofcourse never happen since i am not good enough and if you can not improve from that state then you are doomed.

[Hooo!]

Bullshit.
Limiting beliefs are never true
For example:
Being an introvert means you cannot get women at all?
Having low income means you can’t have sex
Having bad looks is something you cannot change in regards to style, grooming and fitness?
Being weird and odd or not knowing how to behave in social interactions is something that cannot be changed in a person ever?
Being an unlisted virgin cannot be changed?
People Having low social status cannot seduce girls?

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The problem in the first place is not what you listed
The problem is how you see yourself and your attitude

That however can be changed.
Maybe you have tried before
But you have tried the wrong thing

I’m not good looking
I was a creep once
Had low social status and dass weird odd and didn’t know how to interact with girls
And for me it changed because I learned