Fear of commitment

[Helpmesavethis]

I think you're good, you got your message across. If he can't figure out that you're into him based on that, well, he's brain dead and there is no longterm relationship potential.

Also, in regards to this guy's past. It is NOT your job to fix somebody. I would let him go. If he figures it out, cool. But otherwise, I'd say he's just unavailable for what you need.

I'm going by whatever you say. Although I may not like it, I totally agree with what you're telling me. So.. We both show horses. Thankfully it's 2 different disciplines so we don't have to see each other at shows etc. I was going to help him out of few like he does on. I had printed flyers off for him. Should I mail them to him or throw them away. I keep going back and forth on the RIGHT thing to do. It only cost me $25 so it's not the end of the world either way... Thanks for everything...

[GLYC]

Well, that's really sweet of you and I can already tell he's missing out on a sweet catch.

Personally, I don't think I would. Was this a previous thing you were going to do for him? It's a nice gesture. But I wouldn't go out of your way for him, and that's what this would appear as. Even if you prepared them in the past, it make it look like you're trying to win him over somehow. When in reality, he needs to win you back.

Don't be a jerk or anything to him, but he has your number. He knows how to reach out you if he changes his mind.

That's my thought at least.

[nerdy_guy]

You could also send the flyers to him just as a sign of good faith. you'd come out a good sport. just don't expect anything back and let it be.

[Helpmesavethis]

Well, that's really sweet of you and I can already tell he's missing out on a sweet catch.

Personally, I don't think I would. Was this a previous thing you were going to do for him? It's a nice gesture. But I wouldn't go out of your way for him, and that's what this would appear as. Even if you prepared them in the past, it make it look like you're trying to win him over somehow. When in reality, he needs to win you back.

Don't be a jerk or anything to him, but he has your number. He knows how to reach out you if he changes his mind.

That's my thought at least.

I printed the flyers before we "broke up". That's the only reason they're printed. But I have a nice shredder box at work I'll gladly put them in. Ha. Not a big deal. Once again, thanks so much!!!

[GLYC]

Did you talk to him about previously printing them or something? Like nerdyguy said, you could.

Its really not a huge necessity or anything that he gets them though. It's not like you're holding possessions of his hostage, this was an optional, well thought out deed. So even if I talked about it, I don't know.


Me personally, I wouldnt.

Just because I feel like things can come off as a bribe, as in like you're trying to win them back or prove something (I'm such a great catch, please take me back). When you've already given him 8 weeks of yourself, and that's the greatest gift you can give anybody, your time.
You've been nice and sweet to him this entire time, he really doesn't need anymore proof of how great you are.

But ultimately it's up to you. I just give advice based on how I personally would handle the situation.

You're welcome! Everything will work out for you regardless, you'll either get this guy back or find someone better.

Ps, the elephant in the room, I like how in every thread, we are all just casually talking between weiner pictures getting posted.

[nerdy_guy]

those posts are annoying. i just put them on my ignore list

[Helpmesavethis]

Did you talk to him about previously printing them or something? Like nerdyguy said, you could.

Its really not a huge necessity or anything that he gets them though. It's not like you're holding possessions of his hostage, this was an optional, well thought out deed. So even if I talked about it, I don't know.


Me personally, I wouldnt.

Just because I feel like things can come off as a bribe, as in like you're trying to win them back or prove something (I'm such a great catch, please take me back). When you've already given him 8 weeks of yourself, and that's the greatest gift you can give anybody, your time.
You've been nice and sweet to him this entire time, he really doesn't need anymore proof of how great you are.

But ultimately it's up to you. I just give advice based on how I personally would handle the situation.

You're welcome! Everything will work out for you regardless, you'll either get this guy back or find someone better.

Ps, the elephant in the room, I like how in every thread, we are all just casually talking between weiner pictures getting posted.

Yes, I asked if he wanted me to print them to take to a show I was going to last weekend and he had said yes. I'm not going to mail them. I'll hold onto then for a little longer but I'm not sending them. Thank you!!

[Helpmesavethis]

I'm going on 5/6 days since I've talked to him. I did great the last 3 days but it's been rough today... I unfriended him from social media and deleted all of our text and Facebook messages. He's been "liking" my post and every time I get a notification, I break down. I can't keep it up so it's easier to erase him. Just venting I guess. I don't like to keep harping on it to my friends. I know I'll be fine, will just take a little time.

[GLYC]

Ah, I wouldnt have recommended deleting him from social media or whatever, I'm not saying to burn bridges.
I would have just ignored that stuff, unsubscribe from his feed, possibly deactivate your account for a while.

It happens. I was in a similar position 5-6 months ago, went out with this really awesome woman and I felt like everything was clicking.
Once things ended, at first I felt fine. 2 weeks later? Damn it hurt. It still hurts a little bit just because it's rare where I meet someone that I genuinely am attracted to and have great chemistry with, and that i share similar interests with. I was surprised because we weren't really involved with each other for very long. But. It's hard to find that connection. So it'll like hurt for a while for you as well.

I can almost guarantee this guy will get back in contact with you down the road.
Usually when people "like" your social media posto, its a sign that their interest is creeping up.

[Helpmesavethis]

Ah, I wouldnt have recommended deleting him from social media or whatever, I'm not saying to burn bridges.
I would have just ignored that stuff, unsubscribe from his feed, possibly deactivate your account for a while.

It happens. I was in a similar position 5-6 months ago, went out with this really awesome woman and I felt like everything was clicking.
Once things ended, at first I felt fine. 2 weeks later? Damn it hurt. It still hurts a little bit just because it's rare where I meet someone that I genuinely am attracted to and have great chemistry with, and that i share similar interests with. I was surprised because we weren't really involved with each other for very long. But. It's hard to find that connection. So it'll like hurt for a while for you as well.

I can almost guarantee this guy will get back in contact with you down the road.
Usually when people "like" your social media posto, its a sign that their interest is creeping up.

Well... Technically, I accidentally unfriended him... I thought that you could "take a break"... I hit the unfriend button again, thinking it would give me the option or at least confirm and bam, he was unfriended.. Haha So now what?!?! Add him back?? Send him a message that I accidentally did it?? Leave it alone?? I keep holding out hope but at the same time.... I don't want false hope... And I felt like maybe I was thinking too much of him "liking" my post... Ugh....

[GLYC]

Well... Technically, I accidentally unfriended him... I thought that you could "take a break"... I hit the unfriend button again, thinking it would give me the option or at least confirm and bam, he was unfriended.. Haha So now what?!?! Add him back?? Send him a message that I accidentally did it?? Leave it alone?? I keep holding out hope but at the same time.... I don't want false hope... And I felt like maybe I was thinking too much of him "liking" my post... Ugh....

Accidentally? Haha

Well, don't hold out false hope. I'm just saying the unfriend situation is, yeah. Well, if a woman unfriends me, I assume she wants nothing to do with me and essentially wants to erase me from her life permanently. I don't reach out to women after that if I haven't done anything wrong but obviously this guy's situation is a little bit different. Generally it looks like you're bothered by the person when that happens. Then it puts you in a weird position if you want to readd them.

It's your call on that. The message seems weird, if you really want to have him added, just readd him. If you think it's going to be an issue or don't want to, dont.

I think it's best to be indifferent, or at least to act indifferent afterwords. Its a position of strength. They don't want to be with you?
Okay, well, I'll find someone else (of course don't say this to the person).
You expressed that you don't want me, and I'm only interested in people that are interested in me. Unless that changes, I'm not interested.

While its okay to express disappointment when they inform you that things arent working out because that's just being authentic and showing that you care.

Realistically, I think he will still reach out to you in the future regardless.
I'm not trying to give you false hope, and I think you should move on and do what's best for you.
But he probably will reach out.

[Helpmesavethis]

Accidentally? Haha

Well, don't hold out false hope. I'm just saying the unfriend situation is, yeah. Well, if a woman unfriends me, I assume she wants nothing to do with me and essentially wants to erase me from her life permanently. I don't reach out to women after that if I haven't done anything wrong but obviously this guy's situation is a little bit different. Generally it looks like you're bothered by the person when that happens. Then it puts you in a weird position if you want to readd them.

It's your call on that. The message seems weird, if you really want to have him added, just readd him. If you think it's going to be an issue or don't want to, dont.

I think it's best to be indifferent, or at least to act indifferent afterwords. Its a position of strength. They don't want to be with you?
Okay, well, I'll find someone else (of course don't say this to the person).
You expressed that you don't want me, and I'm only interested in people that are interested in me. Unless that changes, I'm not interested.

While its okay to express disappointment when they inform you that things arent working out because that's just being authentic and showing that you care.

Realistically, I think he will still reach out to you in the future regardless.
I'm not trying to give you false hope, and I think you should move on and do what's best for you.
But he probably will reach out.

Ugh..... Yes, accidentally.. I seriously thought it would at least give me the option to confirm in which I wouldn't have.. oh well. What's done is done... How about feeling like she couldn't handle seeing me so that's why she deleted me?!?! Hahaha. Blah.. I don't know what to do.....

[nerdy_guy]

Seems like you wanted things to progress but did the opposite lol, im not into popular opinion so you'll always find my advice tailored to what you want to happen. of course, if i do find red flags, i'll alert you to those. first thing though is to figure things out for yourself if you want to "save this" like your name suggests or just let it go. he's still talks to you even if he is scared, i don't see anything to suggest that he's playing with your feelings or using you for personal gain. So, figure it out. I've experienced something quite similar, that is why i told you it is a very steep climb. question is, is he worth the effort. if not then nothing is really lost by deleting him from you life

[Snow White]

I think unfriending him, accidentally or not, was probably a good idea. It doesn't make things easy when he is "liking" your posts. We have all been hurt by love in one way or another. Using a past heartbreak as an excuse means you are not ready to be back in the dating game. It is not fair to the person who is trying to have a relationship with you. It is not our responsibility to prove to you we will not hurt you like those in the past. It is YOUR responsibility to get your stuff together BEFORE you try to get back into the game. Whether or not you want to wait for him to get his act together is up to you. Just don't allow him to play upon your sympathies and be wishy washy. If he is still so afraid, tell him to go to therapy and contact you when he is all set.

[GLYC]

Ugh..... Yes, accidentally.. I seriously thought it would at least give me the option to confirm in which I wouldn't have.. oh well. What's done is done... How about feeling like she couldn't handle seeing me so that's why she deleted me?!?! Hahaha. Blah.. I don't know what to do.....

Probably feeling like, "its over.. she's done with me!"

Eh, you're fine. He knows how to reach you if he wants to talk to you anyways. This wouldn't stop him, if anything, it will just push him towards apologizing about things when/if he chooses to reach out.